Money Moral Dilemma: Should I say it's your turn to pay for Christmas dinner?

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  • Oakie
    Oakie Posts: 88 Forumite
    First Anniversary First Post
    I would say 'Great idea about the kitty,I'll do that next year for Xmas'
    And then wait for the reaction...
  • crmism
    crmism Posts: 300 Forumite
    First Anniversary First Post
    If she is playing host, she needs to understand what that means. It definitely doesn't involve dividing the costs of food, drink etc among the participants, which might be excusable among friends who know and understand each other well enough and, in a pub, say, run a kitty where the costs of drinks are shared reasonably fairly.

    A host, though, always appreciates if guests contribute something towards the day, in much the same way that a party invitation includes the bringing of a bottle of plonk to keep the celebrations going.

    On this occasion, and rather than fork out money, I think your safest course is to tell your sister what you'll bring along, so that she doesn't need to think about buying or cooking them herself. Take what you think is appropriate and fair, but don't go overboard.

    The last thing you'll want to happen is for the family to fall out over this. Best of luck.:)
  • Pay the money, but make some outlandish requests for very specific hard to find drinks, organic foods only or specific seating arrangements just to make things difficult. Sometimes in life you have to just stump up to avoid any rifts, but you may as well have some fun doing it!
  • nobile
    nobile Posts: 574 Forumite
    If you can't afford to host it, then don't!

    If you offer to host it, then do so with the goodness of your heart!

    I would never ask any one to contribute, neither would I be happy to contribute other than the usual bringing gifts, drinks or a dish or 2.

    Your sister has messed this one up!
  • Pollycat
    Pollycat Posts: 34,637 Forumite
    Name Dropper First Anniversary First Post Savvy Shopper!
    Jibeddy wrote: »
    Pay the money, but make some outlandish requests for very specific hard to find drinks, organic foods only or specific seating arrangements just to make things difficult. Sometimes in life you have to just stump up to avoid any rifts, but you may as well have some fun doing it!
    A particularly vindictive and childish suggestion imho.
  • I totally agree with you about charging her as well. Christmas time always brings the worst out of some people and the very best in others. I think you are just going to have to bite the bullet on this one, don't let it get to you, just enjoy ŷour day. 🤐
  • I host our family Christmas dinner every year. Not everyone attends but those who wish to are welcome. I wouldn't dream of asking for donations as I just enjoy having my family round me. That said my sister who always spends Christmas with me brings bubbly, chocs, crackers and a happy face. If you can't afford to host it then you should let someone else do it and not ask for money. Don't fall out over it though no matter how annoying it is.
  • I think I would be grateful for the family company as a guest or host, you are actually very lucky. Just enjoy it however you work it out.
  • Maybe. If you are much better off than them then I'd chip in and say nothing, after all you're still avoiding all the work of hosting Xmas. If you're in roughly the same position financially then I don't see why they should eat free at yours and you should chip in to eat at theirs.

    Maybe they feel it's their turn but can't really afford it?

    Having said all that, I'm often hosted by relatives at Xmas and always take a new board game/wine/posh desserts so I'm making some contribution.
    if i had known then what i know now
  • Lil_Lady
    Lil_Lady Posts: 339 Forumite
    It all depends if they have the money , have 3 kids etc and are struggling.
    I wouldn't give money, I'd bring flowers, soft drinks and a wine just the same as I would when visiting anyone else. If it's family, perhaps more crackers and a dessert or cheese board, and I would pointedly remark that I'll ask the same next time I host .
    proud to be a young stroke survivor
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