Should I tell my boss about my personal problems?

Andrew_Ryan_89

I am going through the most depressive time of my life. On the surface things looks great - good paying job, wife, baby on the way and recently moved into my own home. However, for the past 3 months I have been on a downward spiral and it is affecting my work.

Typically I am a VERY hardworking person. Previous jobs I will be working way beyond my contracted hours, on the weekends and at times even book holidays so I can do work without distractions. My low mood has got to the point where I have referred myself for counseling through the NHS and seen the doctors to take various blood test which I am still doing and getting results for (anemia and small red blood cells have been noted but nothing to describe my low mood).

I know my boss has noticed and it upsets me because he's such a nice guy and I don't want to let himself or the company down, but for some reason I jut can't pull myself together. I try slapping myself, water on the face, going out outside, yelling in the mirror and so on but I just can't pull myself together to do work. I don't care anymore. I could get fired tomorrow and full well knowing I could lose my house, it probably would not bother me.

Is this something you reckon will be a good idea to share with the boss?

Guest101

I think getting mental health support is an excellent step

Bogalot

Why do you think you could be fired, are you under performance management measures?

If there is a delay in seeing a counsellor in the NHS could you go privately?

If you think your boss is a genuinely good guy then you could tell him and explain how it is impacting your work. I'm all for honesty, but keep in mind that there is still a lot of stigma about mental health. It's a difficult judgement call to make.

Ozzuk

You are going to be a father, perhaps that is preying on your mind a lot. But equally...you're going to be a father...you need to provide and step up, not lose your job.

Saying that I know how hard it is to pull yourself up from these situations. It starts with small steps though, eating better, cutting down alcohol, exercise - finding the things that really make a difference can take time. And of course talking to a doctor should you wish to go down the medication route. Self help book, internet resources - there is a lot of help out there.

Good luck.

WibblyGirly

Could it be pre-baby nerves? People always talk about women being pregnant but nothing is ever mentioned about how anxious the dad may feel about the baby coming. Do you have any friends who are fathers who you could talk to? Maybe see how they felt before the baby and if their worries were realised or were just nerves.

Andrew_Ryan_89

Bogalot wrote: »

Why do you think you could be fired, are you under performance management measures?

If there is a delay in seeing a counsellor in the NHS could you go privately?

If you think your boss is a genuinely good guy then you could tell him and explain how it is impacting your work. I'm all for honesty, but keep in mind that there is still a lot of stigma about mental health. It's a difficult judgement call to make.

Thank you. I saw the doctor who in turn said I need to self-refer myself to therapy. I called my local branch, done a telephone assessment and was told that I will get a call within 6 weeks to book in for a talking session. Excuse my naivety but I would not know the first step to getting such help privately. Paying for a therapist is something I can't afford. I have medical insurance through work though, could look to see if I can use that somehow?

Andrew_Ryan_89

WibblyGirly wrote: »

Could it be pre-baby nerves? People always talk about women being pregnant but nothing is ever mentioned about how anxious the dad may feel about the baby coming. Do you have any friends who are fathers who you could talk to? Maybe see how they felt before the baby and if their worries were realised or were just nerves.

To be honest, it snuck it some time before the baby news. Last year in my previous jobs, performance wise I was doing very well, the best in my group in fact. However, I noticed that I was putting less effort in each week. I put it down to boredom because it was not a very challenging role for me (despite the excellent commission) however, that seems not to be the case.

Previously it was insecurity that drove me. I worked so hard because I had very little going for me socially (no friends or partner) and I thought being financially wealthy was one way of not being a failure. When planning for the child, I worked out, lost weight and started eating healthy to make sure I had an healthy child. However, now even with the child on the way I just can't pull myself together and I am becoming what I despise the most. Lazy.

Bogalot

Andrew_Ryan_89 wrote: »

Thank you. I saw the doctor who in turn said I need to self-refer myself to therapy. I called my local branch, done a telephone assessment and was told that I will get a call within 6 weeks to book in for a talking session. Excuse my naivety but I would not know the first step to getting such help privately. Paying for a therapist is something I can't afford. I have medical insurance through work though, could look to see if I can use that somehow?

Some policies do cover mental health support, it's certainly worth checking. Alternatively does your employer have a welfare line? They may be able to offer support.

There may be a low cost service in your area. A Google search for low cost therapy plus your area may yield results.

theoretica

Andrew_Ryan_89 wrote: »

(anemia and small red blood cells have been noted but nothing to describe my low mood).

Anaemia shares a lot of symptoms with depression - I hope you are getting that treated.

[Deleted User]

Andrew_Ryan_89 wrote: »

Excuse my naivety but I would not know the first step to getting such help privately. Paying for a therapist is something I can't afford. I have medical insurance through work though, could look to see if I can use that somehow?

Yellow pages/The phone book, the Internet?

In 2010 after searching online a private counsellor's going rate was around £35 by the hour including charge made for any missed appointments. I don't remember needing it for long, I was also given a card from the nhs one when my nhs time had run out. (Something like being lucky enough for 6 sessions to actually speak with someone back then then) fortunately nowadays my rented sad light and therapy books help immensely.

If you worked in a 'poorer' industry, yes you could well see if there was some charity funding through employer. (Again that turned into a situation of the option of going private)

PixelPound

You don't say the size of the company you work for, does it have a HR department? If your boss is a nice guy, then explain it (if you have a HR dept then maybe they should be in on the meeting as many workplaces have a mental health policy) since if he knows there is a reason behind your change in mood/performance/attitude at work it could mean one less stress (even if at present you find it hard to care about it) both for you and him. It could be as simple as allowing you time off when counselling appointments are, or allowing changing work patterns (e.g. use of paid and unpaid leave if want to reduce hours short term, or work from home).

It is another avenue for talk/support even if its just about work element of it. Knowing that there is someone there at work who is aware of what you are going through, asking how you are and giving you space when needed can help more than you would think, even if you don't want to share the personal details of it.