How to deal with Nan sending clothes to me

tooldle

My mum did this. I received several pairs of pyjamas, and a number of parcels containing wool. Eventually it became clear that mum had dementia.
Could you have a word with nan's husband?

fairy_lights

Could she be, well, going slightly batty? That could explain her not understanding how clothing sizes work.
Or has she always had a nasty side, and is passive-aggressively calling you fat?

There's not much you can do really, if you've spoken to her about it and she continues to give you the clothes regardless. I'd just charity shop them or sell them on Ebay and accept that as annoying as it may be, it brings her some sort of happiness.

rach_k

Are they new with tags? If they're from a retail chain, you could try exchanging them for your size in your local shop. If it's usually the same shop, you might have to explain why you go back regularly but they'll probably find it funny/sweet. If you can't swap them and she doesn't listen when you explain it to her, I'd just sell them and put the money towards something else.

Jinx

I had that for years, kept asking my gran to stop buying me clothes from the charity shop (got the odd gem but mostly dross)... It never stopped so I blatantly told her which items were going back to the charity shop! Still made no odds... eventually I accepted it was her money, her choice and she didn't stop. She died recently and I'm waiting on the local charity shop closing down!!

oystercatcher

Is Gran by any chance a compulsive shopper ? Is she buying these things for herself and then regretting it and then having the bright idea of passing them on to OP ?

The true moneysaver would be selling them on via e-bay or whatever you find easiest. Or better still as mentioned return them to your local branch of the shop if possible.

I would keep mentioning the size issue but try not to upset Gran It's all very strange.

CMC3

I'm sorry but this makes me laugh so much - it reminds of my dear (no longer with us) nan who did the same thing. She used to send me baby grows in a seriously dark brown colour (god knows where she got them from), food parcels which contained sponge cakes made by a woman down the road from her - swear they were packet mixes, they were awful. They think they're helping and it gives them a sense of purpose. They just don't get it, no matter what you say, that the things a. aren't wanted and b. don't fit. Let her send the things, just take them to a charity shop. There's no harm in it and she enjoys doing it. Just make a big note somewhere for yourself when you get to the same age!!! By the way, the best thing was when we once went to visit her, she gave us another food parcel to put in the back of our car, on a blistering hot day, the cakes of course and a tub of butter...yes, butter! That went in the bin round the corner!

fierystormcloud

DomRavioli wrote: »

Ask her not to send you any more. It isn't ungrateful, its honest.

Yeah I would just say it; 'please no more I don't need them, and they are way too big for me as I am quite slim. Thanks anyway.'

Some people just won't be told. No matter how many times my friend used to tell her nan to not buy booze for her husband as he is teetotal, she would buy him a bottle of whiskey, and a pack of lager for his birthday, and for Christmas. That's just one example, there are more.

fairy_lights wrote: »

Could she be, well, going slightly batty? That could explain her not understanding how clothing sizes work.
Or has she always had a nasty side, and is passive-aggressively calling you fat?

There's not much you can do really, if you've spoken to her about it and she continues to give you the clothes regardless. I'd just charity shop them or sell them on Ebay and accept that as annoying as it may be, it brings her some sort of happiness.

Hmmm, this isn't totally out of the question. I have known quite a number of people like this; mostly older, and always women. You know, the sort of person who says 'you look nice today Fiona, I always prefer you when you're carrying some extra weight...'

Weird backhanded 'compliments,' that serve only to upset and insult.

In addition, one of my sister's daughters used to be a bit chubby (not now,) and one of her neighbours (who is 70-ish) always always always made a comment about her weight. You could talk about the weather, the war in the middle east, Donald Trump, Christmas, Fairies, anything, and she would find a way to say something about my niece being overweight. I don't understand some people, I really don't.

Weirdly, the same woman goes on about my niece and how much weight she's lost now, and keeps saying 'you'll be anorexic you will, blah blah, blah.' I mean FGS, no wonder young girls have eating disorders! There is no need at ALL to make any comment about this child's weight! My sister dreads bumping into her.

rach_k wrote: »

Are they new with tags? If they're from a retail chain, you could try exchanging them for your size in your local shop. If it's usually the same shop, you might have to explain why you go back regularly but they'll probably find it funny/sweet. If you can't swap them and she doesn't listen when you explain it to her, I'd just sell them and put the money towards something else.

Ebay.

Loz01

Oh this reminds me of my lovely old Nan... she used to send my brothers socks for Xmas from the "nearly new" shop or the charity shops finest "designer" labels, 15 years out of date.

ripplyuk

This reminds me of my friend who persists in buying me a party dress every Christmas, despite being told repeatedly that I have no occasions to ever wear them. She just says "But you'll look so nice in it" which makes me feel like some sort of dress-up doll. Even telling her I've never worn them or have given them away doesn't stop her.

However, it would bother me if my granny was spending her money on stuff like this. I'd try talking to other family members and seeing if they could have a word.

If all else fails, I'm sure there are some homeless groups or charity shops that would appreciate them.

Ames

Out,_Vile_Jelly wrote: »

Thank her sincerely, jokingly remind her that you're a size 12 and then charity shop them. It wouldn't hurt to keep an eye out for other examples of odd behaviour as, unfortunately, this can signal the onset of dementia.

tooldle wrote: »

My mum did this. I received several pairs of pyjamas, and a number of parcels containing wool. Eventually it became clear that mum had dementia.
Could you have a word with nan's husband?

My Grandma was diagnosed with dementia when she started shoplifting clothes that didn't fit her, or anyone else in the family, and gave them to relatives.