Stuck in a dilemma

Missw

My son (11, and at a special needs school ) whilst at school got another child's bag, and threw it around, quite purposely in a bid to annoy the child who has been constantly annoying him since September.

However. We found out after that the bag contained a 3ds. Which is now damaged beyond repair.
My son had no idea it was in there, and the school confirmed this with me.

I have offered the parents half the money to replace the 3ds.
But they keep coming back with 'you have to pay the full amount, or we'll take it further' ( by further, it's either a threat against us, or they'll be contacting the police I guess )

What do I do ? It's school policy not to take these items into school. So he shouldn't have had it anyway. Ive offered to pay towards a new one. I can't afford to replace it. Not outright. She's willing for us to get a secondhand one, I am looking within my budget.

I don't know what to do now. They won't accept my offer. And I need to know if they take it further with the police what will happen.

Many thanks.

Bogalot

Your child willfully damaged another child's belongings. You are responsible for replacing them. The other family are very reasonable to accept a second hand one.

Take the money out of your child's Christmas presents.

Person_one

Your son destroyed the other child's possession, in an act that sounds a bit bullying to be honest. Obviously you need to buy him a new one. No dilemma here.

Jamiesmum

What would you feel if someone had damaged your sons stuff and offered to cover only half the cost?

Whilst I think half is extremely generous and many wouldn't offer anything, I can understand why she wants it replaced and she does say second hand is fine.

How much is a second hand one compared to brand new? And what is your offer to her of half? I think accepting a second hand replacement is her side of the loss. And you paying for it, is your side.

I've just had a quick google (don't actually know what it is) but Tesco has a new one for £170 (ouch) and Cex has a second hand one for £100. So assuming from these numbers, you've offered £85, it's only £15 to replace it with a second hand one.

He shouldn't have had it in school, no, but your son also shouldn't have lost his temper and damaged property. I would replace it and then make sure your son makes some of the value back to you via chores or loss of money so he realises the hardship of what can happen sometimes when we are angry.

Hope it all turns out ok for you.

silvercar

Whereas I agree with others that you have an obligation to make amends, their attitude stinks. What does "we'll take it further" mean other than as a threat? Good luck to them getting the police involved or in suing a minor through the courts. They need to accept some responsibility for allowing their son to take an expensive bit of kit into school knowing it was banned. What if it had been an iPhone 7 rather than a ds3? would they have expected you to pay out £350?

Davesnave

Your son will learn a valuable lesson if you replace the electronic toy and reduce his Christmas presents by a noticeable amount to compensate.

Yes it's hard, but it's just, even if it costs you dearly too.

However, the other child is not entitled to betterment, so if you can find a s/h DS so much the better. It isn't a great time to be looking though, so if you can't, he'll do well! C'est la vie.

The police are not there to wring compensation from you, nor will they. It's the sort of bad behaviour which isn't uncommon in schools and which is normally dealt with internally. I would guess that because a banned item was involved, the school have washed their hands of the damage aspect. Quite right too.

Missw

Thank you for all your replies.
My son is fully aware that his actions had consequences, and has been punished accordingly.
I am grateful that the mum is willing to accept a secondhand one, and when it is financially viable, I will look into replacing it.
We have agreed with her it will be after Xmas.

To the person who mentioned bullying, it's the other way round, this kid has been picking on my child, and purposely getting him into trouble since the start of year, and doing it to many other children, my son snapped, and took it out on the child's bag,
The 3ds being in there was unfortunate.
Not that that's the point.

I was concerned about police action if I can't replace it within a reasonable timeframe.

Zeni

This is a hard one. While your child was in the wrong in throwing around the child's bag he couldn't have any idea that such an expensive item would be inside as it is not school policy to be allowed them in school in the first place. I think you should definitely pay something towards it as it is fair as your son damaged it but I think half the price is a good offer if that's all you can afford to pay.
I'm not sure how much further they could take it with the police? Have you talked to the school about this and see what they say?

Pollycat

Have either you or the other boy's parents involved the school in this matter?

gt568

I would tell them to Phuck off!

teddysmum

I'm sure that the police can't punish you as your son is a minor, was not under your supervision (ie was at school ) and did not act because of your negligence.


Has the school been approached about the fact that the other boy has been harassing a number of pupils ?