Son and his mates

PasturesNew

As somebody "on the scale", for activities I'd say to find an activity where you can be doing it and in a group, but not in a team. There's nothing worse than being the "cr4p one" in a team; you're OK to be the worst in a group.

Off the top of my head, where people are in a group, but not in a team, there's kayaking, running ... er, stuck now. Or stuff like model aircraft, or model boats. There used to be something in the Scouts for "bigger boys" too, called a slightly different name.

But things where you're "all doing the same thing", but nobody's "relying on you to be the very best" works as you can still do it "in your own funny way" without others bullying you for "making them lose".

Martial arts is probably "too lonely a thing" - it's a singular activity really.

Also, something it's possible to do without a special hall/place or equipment... or where it's possible to do your thing and belong to 2-3 groups, not just one.

consumers_revenge

Hates football which odd as he is actually quite good when playing with me.


He is part of afterschool drama club, anime club ( hes a fantastic drawer ) and does badminton club.


Hes never told anyone he does judo and hes not really an aggressive child. The new club is about 30 7 to 12 YO's. Broken down into smaller group so people train at the same level.


Might just be early days.

Craftyc

Hi, just wondering if your son likes swimming and water sports. There are usually canoeing courses in local pools. My dd tried this and then was asked to try sailing. She loved it and a lot of yacht clubs run try a sail days come spring. It is something for all ages so all family can get involved.
There are loads of people of all ages and abilities and people like to chat and help each other out. There is usually a big social membership as well. As someone else suggested you can be part of a group sailing but not letting a team down. He could try going with his sister until he builds up a circle of friends. All the cadet members seem to get along well and usually group together and meet up in winter socially as well as for sailing.
Children aged 12 can learn to drive a powerboat and be part of the rescue team if they don't fancy sailing. They are supervised by experienced adults and most young boys dream of getting behind a wheel. There is always demand for volunteers when courses and racing is being run at the club and he can engage with all ages.

missbiggles1

consumers_revenge wrote: »

No interest in sports which I think is what's killed a few chances.

What about a youth organisation like Scouts or Woodcraft Folk where socialising and team work are encouraged?

missbiggles1

PasturesNew wrote: »

As somebody "on the scale", for activities I'd say to find an activity where you can be doing it and in a group, but not in a team. There's nothing worse than being the "cr4p one" in a team; you're OK to be the worst in a group.

Off the top of my head, where people are in a group, but not in a team, there's kayaking, running ... er, stuck now. Or stuff like model aircraft, or model boats. There used to be something in the Scouts for "bigger boys" too, called a slightly different name.

But things where you're "all doing the same thing", but nobody's "relying on you to be the very best" works as you can still do it "in your own funny way" without others bullying you for "making them lose".

Martial arts is probably "too lonely a thing" - it's a singular activity really.

Also, something it's possible to do without a special hall/place or equipment... or where it's possible to do your thing and belong to 2-3 groups, not just one.

Scouts are for ages 10.5 to 14 so he's exactly the right age..

Fireflyaway

At that age I had just 1 friend and now as an adult I have no friends. My mum worries about me and thinks its odd but its my choice. Often people with autism don't enjoy friendships in the same way as others. I might sound rude but I find friends an annoyance and just don't like social situations. My point is , is your son unhappy? Of course bullying is bad but if its just that he has few friends it might not necessarily bother him. Does he like games such as chess? Animals? Music? How about science or technical things? There will be clubs that do such things. Year 7 is a bit weird though. Its like big brother - throw a load of strangers together and you don't know how they will get along!

no1catman

I was I feel thought of as a 'soft touch' at school, thought joining a Judo Club would help when I was about fifteen. Unfortunately the '!!!! takers' were already going there.
Curiously, I use some of the throw moves to open doors.

After school, did another year in College, found my fellow students much more friendly, had more friends there than in the whole of my earlier school-days.

Looking back, the main thing was to be yourself, don't try too hard to be liked!

mumps

It is hard when you see them struggle and a love of sport seems to make things so much easier for boys. I second the scouts but sometimes they have waiting lists and the cubs get first pick, this happened with one of mine and he went to Boys Brigade instead, it is similar in some respects but quite distinctive as well. My son loved it but his brothers didn't take to it at all. Actually I had one do Boys Brigade, one did scouts and one Army cadets, they all loved the one they did and had some great holidays and experiences e.g. helicopter ride with a senior officer, sailing holiday, learning to shoot, learning to polish a pair of shoes till you could see your face in them. Alot is down to the leader, the Boys Brigade leader where my son went was an inspiration and such a positive influence on the boys.

I had more problems with my daughter fitting in but the great thing was that it got easier as she got older and she is now a very happy, well adjusted adult with some really good friends.

consumers_revenge

The more I think of my experiences as opposed to the wifes ( someone who was top set for everything inc sports ) I see my son going the same way as me. I'm more trying to convince her that freindships dissolve, freindships grow organically and did get my best friend until what would be year nine now ( why did we change this system! ). I'm hoping like my he'll have several groups of friends who may not always interact with each other.

silvermum

Some good advice here already about other things to try and keeping in contact with the school.
My younger son was very like this. Found Year 7 very hard, despite already having an older brother at the school. Wasn't into sport at all, was a bit bullied, took ages to find a group of like-minded friends.
In years 7-8 it felt as if we were 'cycling through' every possible club/group/hobby and he ended up rejecting all of them!
The trouble with the beginning of senior school is that the kids are all jostling for position and 'labelling' each other - the 'popular' crowd; the 'sporty crowd'; the geeks, the nerds, the' invisibles', the intellectuals! If you don't neatly 'fit' into one of the boxes it can feel a bit bewildering.
Happy to say he's now 14 and has found his 'thing' which is all about graphic design/video/ YouTube etc and has a nice little group of equally creative souls around him.