Finally admitted my problems... onward and upward!

Bella2007

Hi there fittaedae,

I don't know how you can stop shopping sites but as an ex shopaholic I can tell you what worked for me. I used to spend fortunes on clothes, handbags & beauty products, getting into debt and making my life a misery. My main priority was always acquiring these new possessions so I never had money for holidays or even gigs or the theatre. I'd spend £200 on a handbag and then go and see some free movie or play that wasn't that good, when I could have been having a wonderful time.

The only thing that stopped me from shopping was going to 'debtors anonymous' meetings. It was very scary to tell a group of people about my shopping addiction, but something magical happened and all of a sudden I stopped shopping. I think I started by giving it up for a month and then I just didn't have these cravings any more. Before that, I would see something and it would torture me & obsess me until I bought it. Since about 2010 I haven't shopped obsessively and find it much easier to resist something.

Cold turkey is the only way!

Good luck!

fittaedae

Hi Bella2007, thanks for that. I have had a look at their site but the nearest meeting is Glasgow and that is a 6 hour round trip for me so would incur more money being spent and time off work. I see they do online stuff too so I will have a look!

I work from home I have an option to block certain websites on the business internet so I have blocked as many sites I visit as possible and got my fiance to enter a password that only he knows so I cannot visit. Just wish they would add a category "shopping" as they do for alcohol, violence, gambling etc
Have done this on the home internet also.

I found out that all the mini magazine things that catalogue companies continually send you (even though the remove you from mailing list) that if you take a nice big black marker and write on them "gone away" "not at this address" they will eventually not send you any orders of goods even if you do order as they don't have your "current" address. They will continue to take payments by direct debit but it means I know that I wont receive the goods anyway, so hopefully will be less tempted. I have a room full of clothes and shoes that I cannot access because I have so much!! So my mission is to get it sorted out and sell what I can on eBay and gift some to the local charity shop set up by a local guy who witnessed and now helps poor souls who find themselves trafficked into the area because of the sex trade, they will even collect and are ever so grateful for donations, so no big CEO making a mint off of the donations!

Bella2007

The charity shop sounds good - great cause! Ebay is great, I use it all the time to resell stuff.
Good that you managed to stop the catalogue companies delivering to you!

I hope the companies are not charging you interest. Otherwise debt management companies like CCCS & Payplan can help with that.

mfmaybe

Good to see you posting again, sorry there have been hiccups along the way. I think try to focus on selling and clearing out stuff. It will take time that prevents you idly browsing online; and will soon become your new addiction! How about setting some targets of items to sell/declutter?

fittaedae

Bella2007 I have never tried CCCS or Payplan etc after they left me in tears when I contacted them many years ago, they point blank told me I had to stop paying for insurance for my two dogs (one who has arthritis and scoliosis) and consider re-homing them or feeding them less and buy the cheapest food possible! I don't have children (not by choice but due to nature), my dogs were rehomed as pups from a family member so they did not cost us to buy them and they our only companions most days, they are our kids! They argued that I had to halt my sky subscription and mobile contract, it was not possible to change as we are on the lowest subscription and would have had to pay the full years costs to get out of the contract, I did not have the money available to do this! Never had any faith in them since as the lady I got was utterly horrible, truly nasty, I had depression at the time and she made me feel completely worthless! I felt like ending it all and would have if my debt would have gone with me!

mfmaybe - I already have a pile ready to photograph and get onto eBay, only wee issue I now have is we live in the biggest housing estate in Europe and the blooming local post office I used (walking distance less than half a mile) has been closed leaving only one post office for thousands of people which to be honest I could walk to but could only do it once a week, its over a mile each way uphill and although I want to get fitter and walk more I am wary with being a type 1 diabetic (since 6 so 41 years) and being on my own walking.

As long as the buyers are happy to get items posted once a week my partner can take me at the weekend, although you have to cue for at least half an hour due to it being so busy, its literally out the door!

Is there any other way to send eBay items? I do not drive you see.

fittaedae

Hi folks, Happy Friday! I've managed to get most of my paperwork together and its looking like around £46K of credit card and catalogue debt... I am TOTALLY ashamed, how the hell did I get here!!

Anyway its work in progress but I must ask, should I shred my credit cards or lock them in the house safe (only OH has key) I need to keep one handy for vet fees for my pups medications which most of I get back through insurance but use this specific card only for this. Any advice once again gratefully received! Thank you! x

anna_1977

I would shred all but one for potential vet fees but give to OH to look after.

Can you post an SOA and people will give advice

Good luck

fittaedae

I have my SOA partly finished, just need to find some more paperwork but its not accessible at the moment. Ill endeavour to get my hands on it this weekend though! Thank you

theroamingnomad

Good luck with your SOA and getting everything organised. Try to be as honest as possible and stuff will start to fall into place

fittaedae

Okay.... I've had a major set back(?) My partner and I run a small business and he is the director and I am a shareholder. Hes been approached by our biggest client to go and head up and run a new division they want to set up, they are willing to employ our staff but I would no longer be working with my partner and it feel a bit like they are just trying to keep my partner happy by offering my token employment. If I go it will break my heart to see my partner heading up this division with someone else doing the job I've done for 8 years. I feel like I am being selfish but I know what a difficult place this can be to work in and am terrified of being stuck in a corner with a dead end job. He is delighted and angry with me that I've voiced my concern to him. The past few days have not been a very nice atmosphere in our household. One of his sub contractors (good mate) now knows and is devastated and refuses to join the new venture. OH saying he wont go if I'm being like this, but I know it will come between us and be the end of our relationship come time. I need regular work to pay off these debts I have and I am so very ashamed I have them. Was up at 5 am googling for help and trying to find other jobs but they are few and far between where we are. Any advice and feel free to speak the truth. I'm hurt and upset but I cannot get any lower