Finally admitted my problems... onward and upward!

fittaedae

Good morning everyone

I have finally admitted that I have a problem with buying stuff off of the internet and through online catalogue companies. I have admitted it to my lovely other half and he admits he did wonder where all the clothes were coming from but he has said that he will give me support and slap my fingers if I go into ASDA and pick up a top while shopping... trust me I need him to do that!

Lots and lots I have not worn so I am about to start selling it on Ebay, tried a tester last week and sold a skirt so that gave me a massive boost. Incidentally I am taking part in the online Living Life To The Full programme, its a form of CBT to help with depression, anxiety etc as I refuse to take anti depressants, I want to sort my head out with a little human help.

I will divulge amounts soon but I need to get my figures in order first. I work for my partner in our home office so one of the first things I am going to do is get him to put some sort of block on the internet and block ALL the shopping sites and catalogue sites I use and hide the password so that I cannot shop! Would appreciate any recommendations of free programmes or secure ways to block a shopaholic off of sites

I am not in a debt crisis but will be if the £2 here and there constantly on Ebay and Amazon and the £10 top x 4 different colours from Very does not stop... I lost a wee part time job I had this month too so that gave me the big slap in face to wise up!

One MASSIVE problem I have is the catalogues send emails (I have now blocked these) and I can receive their paper catalogues perhaps 3 of the same in one week, I have called them and asked them to stop not only to take the temptation away but also to stop wasting paper as I just take off the name bit and shred it and put them straight into the recycling. Being a bit of a tree hugger it really grinds my gears :mad: .... but the catalogues still keep coming, in fact I am getting even more!!!

Has anyone successfully stopped these damned things arriving? I wrote on them "gone away" or "remove from mailing list" but I got a call from their "debt" department asking how I was going to make payment seeing as I had done a runner basically, even though I pay by direct debit so I had to continue getting the mailings

Any help would be appreciated!

brandysnap47

Hi Fittadae,

Well done for having the courage to face up to your situation and the potential problems it could cause if you continue. One of the biggest hurdles will have been discussing it with your OH and it sounds like he'sthere to support you. Well done on using CBT you should find it benefical in loads of situations.

As for the catalogues you need to think of them as an abusive relationship you are no longer in. If this was an ex partner who was harrasing you, beeging you to come back, you would entertain it. you need to make a clean break from them. Find out what the interest rate on what you owe them, if you do, and move the debt to something lower and cut all contact off. Chrstmas is coming and after that will be the sales!! :eek:They and their friends will try and " get you back". Remember these companies have studied psychology, had loads of sales training and done loads of research to find out how to get that sale.
You are doing the right thing by looking at your triggers and avoiding them. Just like you would do with an ex, there are places you know you would be more vunerable, avoid these and use your support network, friends for guidance. You will at some point need to buy something, neve impulse buy, buy mindfully, if you see something you might like, walk away, sleep on it, if you still need it, then go back.

good luck Brandysnap47

fittaedae

Hi Brandysnap47. Thank you for your reply, I was hoping I had not posted in the wrong place!

I am unable to move any debt to lower rates unfortunately as my credit history seems to cause problems, I have never defaulted on credit but perhaps the amount I have is the problem

I just have to keep trying to raise funds by Ebay etc and slowly pay these people off. I just really wanted them to stop bombarding me with paper catalogues!! It is ridiculous how many they send I had a telephone call on Friday evening from one of these Catalogues trying to sell me "special offers" this is new as I have never had this problem, so I asked they remove me and never call again, which they said they would... I also blocked their number!

I have also been looking at You tube and there are some hypnosis things for overspending and compulsive shopping, maybe worth a try, nothing to lose anyway!

On the plus side I have just done my first grocery shop online as I got a free delivery code and I bought just what we needed and nothing more and it came in well under budget. It looks like that may be the way to go, either that or go to Aldi and Lidl as they don't have all the "pretty things" to buy that Asda and Tesco do haha!

I have to do this and I am determined, I am fed up of hiding bags with clothes from my wonderful partner and feeling guilty. I returned everything that I possibly could and have blocked all the sites (my partner has now locked the password he thought up away) I am embarrassed and dismayed at how much we could have done with the money I have wasted, but I do feel I have turned a corner in my life!

Instead of sitting on my phone or tablet online shopping I have started doing free online courses (Alison & Google) and reading more. I have a stash of colouring in books (bought online and in a sale lol) but I am doing more of that too, I do have cross stitch kits in the house from years back so going to dig these out and do that too!

Thanks for your advice and support, its appreciated

mfmaybe

Hi Fittaedae

Your username caught my eye (originally from NE Scotland ) so I thought I'd drop in for some support. One of the things I read on here a lot, and it's so true, is that stopping INCREASING the debt is a massive first step. So every time you don't buy something, it's still a step in the right direction.

Others will be along soon to encourage you to add up the debt, post a SOA, and take the necessary steps. The thought I had about the internet is, don't you have a smartphone? So if you manage to get the websites blocked, won't you just switch temptation to 4G?

I don't say this to discourage, but to point out that there would always still be a way to spend money; and much like an addict giving up drink or cigs or drugs, you can't do it if you don't want to. It's a good idea to make it as hard as possible, but it won't be the magic bullet.

Best of luck, I will subscribe and cheer you along the way. You can do it :T

(Edit - ah ok I see you have the same thought about the phone, so you know how easy it can be to get tempted. So I just repeat. YOU CAN DO THIS!!)

[Deleted User]

Hey,

Welcome to the boards, good luck on your journey

Pmo2
X

fittaedae

Well that's my first catalogue paid off. Only had a wee amount on it but it felt good to go into my spreadsheet and mark £0.00 and put CLOSED beside it. Will now divert that payment to another debt and continue that way. Managed to get Christmas presents sorted out as we as a family always seem to end up with tons of parcels and half the stuff never gets used So this year we (OH, Mum, Dad, Dogs and Myself) had a sit down and discussed what we would LIKE at a sensible amount this year. So useful presents at a low cost have been organised. I am going to this year send some money from my main bank account to a savings account each month so by the time it comes around next year I will have enough saved up, well that's the hope anyway! CBT is going well and as my work is very busy just now its keeping my wandering fingers and mind away from the internet! I have now sold two items on eBay so I will continue and see how much I can make and use it to pay off some debt! Thanks for all your support, it is very much appreciated

fittaedae

Wee update. I got a call from a company saying they were working for Barclaycard at the start of November and they were in fact a PPI claims company who wanted 40% of any money I got! I called Barclaycard and it turns out I do have PPI which I didn't know about. So now I have been paid out two claims on cards that I didn't know about and I have another on its way )had to get the FSA involved for one as they were not going to pay out!) so I just wonder what the best way to use this money is. Do I double up my payments, use it to pay off the worst debt I have or pay off a few small debt I have? I don't know yet what the figure for the last payout will be as they are refunding all my PPI I paid and adding 8%, the card was taken out in 2008. Currently I am listing all my debts, interest rates and balances, so going to look over this over Christmas holidays... onwards and upwards ����

Bobarella

Great about the PPI! Good luck to you with the catalogue thing. You will probably find like any habit once you have stopped for a certain amount of time you will give up for good because you forget the original motivation.

beanielou

Pay the money to your highest APR debt.

sistafromanothermista

Beanielou long time no see! Great advice as ever 100% agree with that.

fittaedae

Well its been nearly a year past and I apologise for going missing, there has been health problems and stress from our business and I admit I went into hiding. I need to find a way to block shopping sites and can only find USA ones? My wee pup has not been keeping well so the doggy credit card has been well used! On a plus my OH cut up his credit cards and although I had to drop the payments due to loss of earnings due to me changing a job and also having to give up an extra carers job due to illness the balance is coming down. I REALLY need to find some way to totally block sites on my PC and internet generally. Im way too generous and I take it off my mum, I will buy folk things and not think about the money. My neighbour has been a willing recipient of rugs, crockery, home decoration etc etc for at least 3 years and she was/is in debt and now she AND hubby gone and "hired" Audi's

So i guess I am the mug eh? Any advice appreciated... and gladly welcome. The black dog has reappeared also so gotta get myself together and act on this. Thanks in advance, much love xx