Planning to live together - how to split bills with big earning difference?

Snugglepuss

Hi


My boyfriend and I are considering moving in together sometime next year (private rented). This would be straightforward except our salaries are totally different - I earn at least 3 times as much as him.


In terms of our relationship it's all fine - but I'm looking at practicalities of living together in a way that is financially fair to us both. I earn more and therefore can afford significantly more in the way of rent etc than he can. He is panicking that he will have to find half of whatever bills we have, which will mean that we have to find a house based on what he can afford (which isn't much).


My suggestion (we're sitting down to look at it this weekend) is going to be that we split it based on the percentage of our earnings. So if for example between us we earned £100,000 (we don't - it's just an easy number to work with!), and I earned £70,000 but he earned £30,000 - he would pay 30% of the rent / bills and I would pay 70%.


Does that seem fair? It will mean I pay out more in actual cash than him (which I'm happy with), but it will also give us more purchasing power when it comes to finding somewhere to live.


I thought I'd see if anyone else has done it this way and what you think of the concept before I suggest it to him.


Thanks.

TeamPlum

When I moved in with my GF (now wife) we got a joint account. I earned more at the time - everything came out, and all our money went in.

Now my wife earns a lot more, the situation is reversed, the money still goes in and it's just our money.

If you're serious about being together, what does it matter? You're in it together as far as I'm concerned.

Snugglepuss

Thanks TeamPlum. I've been seriously financially stung in previous relationships so I'm trying to set the financial parameters at the outset before we take this big next step in our relationship.


At this stage we are not going to have joint accounts etc - we need to find out if we can live together or not before we head down that road. I know the ideal of all money being in one single pot - and I'd love to get there again. But I've been there before and have only recently recovered financially from the hideous mess an ex husband left me with several years ago. I'm just not ready to do that again no matter how much I love my current boyfriend.

Person_one

The problem with the percentage way of doing things is that 30% could still be a big chunk out of the lower earner's wages while 70% might leave the higher earner still comfortably off each month.

As this is the first time you'll be living together, I don't think you need to be ready to go 'all in' with shared finances yet and 'what's yours is mine' (although I do think that should always be the goal if the relationship is going to be a permanent one) so why not ask him what sort of budget he feels comfortable with for now in terms of rent, maybe an amount no more than 30-40% of his take home pay. If doubling that does not give you access to the kinds of places you want to consider, then anything over and above that should come from you. He shouldn't be in a position where he is forced to overspend, accrue debt, or have a lower standard of living than you just for the pleasure of living with you!

poppy10_2

TeamPlum wrote: »

If you're serious about being together, what does it matter? You're in it together as far as I'm concerned.

40% of marriages end in divorce. Even when people are serious about being together, it's silly not to at least consider the possibility that you might not stay together til death do you part.

If one person earns a lot more, it makes sense for the bills to be split proportionately like OP is suggesting.

getmore4less

One strategy is the Lowest common denominator

eg. what can the lower earner realistically afford to put up for things like the place you live entertainment holidays going out etc.

The higher earner matches that and that is the starting budget because if they were hanging out with someone on the same money that what it would be.

If that won't get what the higher earner wants, like accommodation, sky TV, eating out, holidays etc they cough up the extra.

The lower earner stays on budget but it does mean the higher earner can hold all the cards when it comes to choosing things and which they want to contribute more too

eg. they might just spend the money on them having a nice car and be happy in the smaller flat and going on the cheaper holidays.

TeamPlum

40% of marriages end in divorce. Even when people are serious about being together, it's silly not to at least consider the possibility that you might not stay together til death do you part.

So first of all, that means 60% don't end in divorce? Secondly, if youre married, it doesn't matter how you split the money, it's both of yours even if I earn a million and my wife earns a pound.

MrsSave

We've gone down the joint account route. Over the years our wages have changed so that I've earned considerably more at times, but other times it has been a role reversal. At the moment, dh is bringing home over double what I am.

What we've done is that all wages go into one pot. We take out what's needed for bills (they come out of a separate account). We transfer a certain amount for food/petrol/annual bills/gifts/children/spends/savings, etc. What's left is split between us (or would be if there was more of it :rotfl: ). It won't work for everyone, but we find it works well for us.

fabforty

OP how much do you both earn? That matters more than the fact that you earn x more than he does, in terms of finding a fair solution. I earned more than my partner when we lived together (before the children arrived), however after paying rent, bills etc (with a 50/50 split), he was left with £1200 per month while I was left with £2000+. Both had more than enough to live on, so the difference in salary was fine. If he had been left with £0 while I had £800 to play with, we would have needed a different solution.

ognum

OP, I would like to congratulate you and your boyfriend for actually thinking about and discussing how things are going to work out for you both when you move in together.

So many threads on this website are from people who have not done this and now feel angry, sad, disappointed.

Discuss it and whatever you are both comfortable with is right for you. We all have different circumstances, just talk about it and you will be fine.

peter12345678910

I think most couples have these problems, but it is not so simple as percentages. Remember gas bills will go up in the winter, what about house repairs - DIY maybe or the Landlord I guess, who cuts the grass, who does the dishes, who cooks, who does the shopping.

If your partner pays less in bills, they can do more of the manual work in the house.

It is better to have a subtle give and take, and if you want to be generous than be generous - at the end of the day you have to work out what is fair, or if you are giving than be happy or content you are giving?