Friendship Advise

melanzana

souperstar wrote: »

That is exactly it, but I would like some help with the wording as to how I say that to my best friend.

You do not have to stress about any wording.

Just meet up with third person once every few weeks or so, and at other times tell best friend I would love to have a chat just the two of us.

If best friend does not listen to you, well you know the answer yourself don't you?

Life lessons.

FBaby

Be honest and tell her how you feel, a good friend will understand. I experience a similar situation as I was friend with two persons who didn't know each other but because of common interests, we started to do things the three together. Then the closest friend of one them started to join to. Then my two friends started to get together just the two of them (not to exclude me or the other, just circumstances).

We now usually meet as two, or three, and sometimes the four of us (and then sometimes join a larger group). There is no jealousy, we are confident that we all like each other, it's just that sometimes it is nice to meet on a one to one basis, especially to discuss things we have in common that the others don't (ie. I like to meet with one to talk children because hers are the same age and go to the same school), whilst I like to meet with another to discuss work related matters as she works for the same industry.

Just invite her around to yours for coffee and that's it. If she says she will invite the other, be totally honest and say that you like her and enjoy her friendship but how would she feel sometimes just the two of you getting together and say that you wouldn't mind if she sometimes only got with your other friend too.

lika_86

Hey [FRIEND], we haven't had a catch up with just you and me in ages, fancy going to [PLACE] on [DATE]?

maman

souperstar wrote: »

She is a very good friend but I go round to her house more than she comes round to me. It's always been like that as she has a family and its easier. If she came round to mine it would be a very quick visit.

Why? If she has time to go out for a meal with you why not time to spend the evening at your home?

chesky

Who did the third person know first and how did she originally come to be invited?

rach_k

I would just wait until the two of you go somewhere alone (perhaps suggest something when you know the third will be busy or that she won't be interested in) and then say something like, "This is nice! I really like [other person] but sometimes it's nice to be like old times with just us." That way you don't come across as clingy or mean but you're showing that you miss seeing her alone without it being too intense.

ska_lover

If it were me as your friend and you insisted I see you and only you, alone - I would feel a bit concerned about that - it is a tad controlling

TBH I find it strange that best friends have never visited each others houses too

FBaby

If it were me as your friend and you insisted I see you and only you, alone - I would feel a bit concerned about that - it is a tad controlling

There is a difference between suggesting and insisting though.

I personally much rather have one-to-one meetings with my friends. The reason is because I rather talk about specific personal matters (both ways) then chit chat, which you often found to become the case when the crowd gets bigger.

Or in the case of OP, maybe it is that when it is the three of them, it becomes all about the third friend problems and OP is missing being able to talk a bit about herself too, or listening to her friend's problems and feels that this is more difficult when the other friend is there.

prosaver

Have you all got partners?

JReacher1

Have you considered the fact that your friend may prefer going out in a group of 3 than a group of 2?

If you're not dating your friend it could be seen as a bit weird that you want some alone time with her!