Friendship Advise

souperstar

I have a best friend that I work with whom over the years I have become close with. We go out for meals just the two of us away from work and have good chats.

Recently both of us have got friendly with a third friend who is currently having problems.

My best friend is a lovely person and very empathetic and has started involving this third friend in our outings.

Its not a problem, but every now and again I would like the opportunity of still going out for a meal just me and my bestie, but I dont want my bestie to think that I am shutting out this third friend.

How can I put it nicely to my bestie that sometimes I would like it just to be the two of us without upsetting her or this third friend?

ognum

Can you invite her to your home, then you decide who comes?

souperstar

Hi, not really we've never really done that.

fairy_lights

She's your best friend but you've never been to each others houses?

PasturesNew

You need to do more organising/inviting then - and just not invite the 3rd wheel.

If invited anywhere, tell her you'd love to go, but you've something else pencilled in and so can you decide at the last minute - that gives you breathing space to discover if "she's" coming and withdraw.

souperstar

She is a very good friend but I go round to her house more than she comes round to me. It's always been like that as she has a family and its easier. If she came round to mine it would be a very quick visit.

melanzana

If it were me, I would just back of out of the threesome meetings and arrange a meet with best friend only. Just say something like the other person is lovely and all that, but I don't know him/her so well etc.

If best friend does not get the message, no best friend there. It's a lesson to all of us.

Do NOT do what you don't feel like doing for the sake of someone else. They do not seem to think of you!

OK once in a while, but not every time.

souperstar

PasturesNew wrote: »

You need to do more organising/inviting then - and just not invite the 3rd wheel.

If invited anywhere, tell her you'd love to go, but you've something else pencilled in and so can you decide at the last minute - that gives you breathing space to discover if "she's" coming and withdraw.

But in not inviting the 3rd wheel my bestie friend my think I was being nasty and not want to come at the risk of upsetting this 3rd wheel.

souperstar

melanzana wrote: »

If it were me, I would just back of out of the threesome meetings and arrange a meet with best friend only. Just say something like the other person is lovely and all that, but I don't know him/her so well etc.

If best friend does not get the message, no best friend there. It's a lesson to all of us.

Do NOT do what you don't feel like doing for the sake of someone else. They do not seem to think of you!

OK once in a while, but not every time.

That is exactly it, but I would like some help with the wording as to how I say that to my best friend.

melanzana

souperstar wrote: »

But in not inviting the 3rd wheel my bestie friend my think I was being nasty and not want to come at the risk of upsetting this 3rd wheel.

Gotta make a choice here. Either you go with three or not. Best friend? Are you sure....

Some people just do not see things the way others see them.

Up to you.

I know what I would do.

fairy_lights

souperstar wrote: »

She is a very good friend but I go round to her house more than she comes round to me. It's always been like that as she has a family and its easier. If she came round to mine it would be a very quick visit.

In that case I think you've just got to be honest with her and tell her that you'd like to spend some time together without the other friend. If she's your best friend surely she will understand?