EH - Essex > Hebrides...the next step of the adventure?

RosaBernicia

Eeek, that would terrify me as well. 

Though I find my campervan much easier to adjust to than I expected - the higher driving position really helps and it has a reversing mirror! 

EssexHebridean

Oh Cheery what an awful thing for him to do!  Not at all surprised you ended up in tears - I think we all would have! As you say, from there, it can only be better can’t it!

Went and picked Mum up this afternoon as we had to go to the nursing home to clear out my great aunt’s room - sadly she died yesterday after being extremely poorly for a long while. I’m not ashamed to say it’s a very odd mixed emotional situation - she’s had literally no quality of life for several years, had lost her sight pretty much entirely, was totally bedbound, and had a particularly unpleasant form of dementia that left her extremely aggressive and even violent a lot of the time.  For a woman who’s main pleasures in life had always been walking, dancing, reading and above all looking after her garden, it must have been incredibly tough to come to terms with the loss of all those things, and in a relatively short space of time too, and unsurprisingly she essentially stopped wanting to live. Sadly for her it has taken a lot of years for her body to agree. As a result the overwhelming feeling here is relief - that she is no longer in distress (which she was a lot of the time), frustrated and unhappy. It’s sad for us to have lost her, but in reality we said goodbye to the real Auntie D quite a long while ago, and in a lot of ways that does make it easier. Speaking with the staff earlier they confirmed that she’d repeatedly told them that she simply wanted to die, and also - a big comfort - that it was very peaceful at the end. I have wonderful memories from childhood of lots of time spent with her and my Great Uncle, and those are the memories I’m cherishing. 

While Mum and I were off doing that, MrEH got cracking with the Christmas cake, which is now in the oven, and when I got back,,and once he’d finished, I used a couple of bananas from the freezer and made a variation of a banana tea bread I’ve made before - lots of ingredient swaps needed but it’s come out beautifully so I’m pleased with that.

Tea tonight ended up being makeshift beef kofta wraps - literally just mince, onion, breadcrumbs, garlic and Indian spices scrunched together and formed into patties and fried. Really tasty though - we’ll do that again! 

CRANKY40

I'm glad that your great aunt is at peace at last. Happy memories are so precious and it's good that you have plenty to remember your auntie by. It's sad that you don't have her any more and that she had to suffer for so long but I have an image in my head of her skipping over a lawn, laughing in the sunshine. Thinking of you and yours. 

EssexHebridean

That’s lovely Cranky - thank you! Absolutely no idea of there really is anything “after” in real terms but if there is she’ll be with my Great uncle now - 24 years after she said goodbye to him. Truth be told I think he took a part of her with him all that time ago. 

Cheery_Daff

What an emotional day, big hugs ((()))). I think you may know Mr Cheery's mum got dementia in her mid 50s and lived another 20 years not knowing who any of them were 😕 He said similar things when she finally died. And I remember my mum saying after my grandma had first stroke, if we could have brought my grandad in she might have pulled through, but he'd gone 10 years before and it just seemed like she didn't want to 😕 All very sad. I do like to think of people meeting up with their old pals afterwards. Rationally I can't believe it but it makes me more cheerful to think of it xx

girlatplay

I'm sorry to hear about your great Aunt.  I understand what you mean about it being a mixed emotional situation.  I also like to think that when we move on we get to meet up with all the people who went before us.  It gives me comfort.  When the time comes there might be nothing after this life but while I'm here I'm going to carry on telling myself there is.

EssexHebridean

Those views sum things up for me REALLY well, and ultimately it doesn’t matter what the reality is, does it, if that “idea” helps, then brilliant. Brilliant words from both of you - thank you. 😘

Cheery I did remember that about MrC’s Mum, my Nan was similar although that was about 10 years, and she always, right to the end, still had very lucid moments, which in some way was almost harder as when she WAS lucid she realised how daft the dementia made her sound, and hated it. Knowing that the awareness and frustration was in there….well, just awful. 

I’m determined to normalise the idea that there can be far more emotions within grief than “just” the classic “it”s so sad that this person has gone” and that it’s OK to be open about those - I debated about posting what I did yesterday because I know some people will likely view it as seeming to be a quite hard and heartless approach,  but it’s SUCH a tricky situation, and I remember quite how long I felt horrifically but secretly guilty about the sense of relief I felt after Nan died, and some years earlier, my lovely Grandad (other side of the family) who had several strokes, lost all his dignity and LOATHED it - it was awful to witness - that it felt like a good thing to do to give those feelings voice somewhere quite public. 

Staffordia

EssexHebridean said:

I’m determined to normalise the idea that there can be far more emotions within grief than “just” the classic “it”s so sad that this person has gone” and that it’s OK to be open about those - I debated about posting what I did yesterday because I know some people will likely view it as seeming to be a quite hard and heartless approach,  but it’s SUCH a tricky situation, and I remember quite how long I felt horrifically but secretly guilty about the sense of relief I felt after Nan died, and some years earlier, my lovely Grandad (other side of the family) who had several strokes, lost all his dignity and LOATHED it - it was awful to witness - that it felt like a good thing to do to give those feelings voice somewhere quite public. 

I agree wholeheartedly with this.  My mother had Alzheimer's and seeing her confusion and distress was so hard.  Because I lived away, she didn't see me as often as my sister, and I still remember her look of distress as she looked at me and then my sister and trying to work out who I was.  It was a relief for her when she finally passed, it wasn't living it was existing.  Of course I grieved, but in a way I had been grieving for a couple of years, as Alzheimer's took her away.  I am crying writing this 7 years on.

Sunshine_girl2

EH my own grandma passed away at 68 but it was a blessing for her , she was blind and had cancer incurable at the time. She had moved to a nursing home a couple of years earlier and she felt safe there. When the cancer took hold , she went to hospital and my mum and myself sat there all night with her , she passed away in the early hours . She had no quality of life and it was a relief that she was released from the pain. 

I have only happy memories of my gran so you keep your happy memories of your great aunt. We talk about her all the time as she was a one in a kind person. 

Sun_Addict

Sorry to hear about your great aunt. At least she’s no longer suffering it’s awful to see someone in distress. I lost my mum to a brain tumour, it was all over within a matter 4/5 weeks, she lost all her dignity it was terrible to witness.