only ONE credit card left + mortgage. current mood: content

EssexHebridean

fru-girl wrote: »

Thanks! The travelcard - it's through season ticket loan at work, so it's being deducted from my pay. Also, I'm in London and I don't drive, so I don't only go to work using it; I use it evenings and weekends to get pretty much anywhere that's not my high street. It's not that expensive for London standards, it comes to about £107 per month and it's valid on train, bus, tube etc. Plus the annual card gives me a hefty discount on National rail - for both me and my child, so it's totally worth it.

Oh god in London it's an absolute no-brainer - we've a bit outside - so currently we drive into London - some days we car-share - I drop MrEH off and then he gets the train into Liverpool Street from Walthamstow. £90 a month and not really something he uses that much other than work travel. Having it deducted from pay just makes so much sense, doesn't it.

fru-girl wrote: »

Thanks, still haven't made the call. I'm thinking about it over a coffee. It's hard to do it!

I've created a signature to detail my debt and short term goals. Will update end of every month.

It's a horrible thing to have to do. Will they be at work at the moment? If so, can I suggest leaving it until later in any case. If not though - it's big-girl pants on AND pulled up time - and crack on and do it. You know you need to, and it'll feel like such a relief once you have.

fru-girl

He's a lecturer, doesn't work 9-5... I should drink a glass of wine instead of coffee but I don't have any alcohol at home, not much of a drinker.

fru-girl

:mad:

I've entered the Friday Forty to buy tickets for Harry Potter and the Cursed Child... not successful, I'm wondering what are the odds to get those tickets, it's a lottery system, each Friday at 1pm they release 40 tickets at £40 each (£20 per part). That's my Christmas gift to DD - if I can get the tickets at this price, that is... if not, she'll have to settle for another Harry Potter experience, maybe the Warner Bros tour...

Worriedaboutmoney_2

Hi
I've recently joined too. I'm a similar age to you, well 42 and have a similar level of debt. I am married but husband has a lot more debt and we have a mortgage. I am the main wage earner though.
Like you I enjoy spin classes and have children.
It was really tough fir me to sit down and tally up what I owed. Had been burying my head in the sand for way too long. Good luck with everything

fru-girl

Thanks Worried, I subscribed to your thread too!

Up until 2 years ago I was quite sedentary, apart from walking and occasional cycling (and skiing 1x year) I wasn't doing much. Two years ago I signed up for hot yoga, which I stopped doing this August - sessions were too long at 90-min and also too expensive, and switched to a regular gym membership. I thought I'd only do yoga classes but I discovered the lunch time spin sessions, 30-min each and got addicted to it. Not to mention they made me lose weight in no time... it's true that I've been low-carbing lately, but not that extremely, I'm just limiting the amounts bread, pasta, rice, potatoes, and sugar. Physically I'm in a very good shape and intend to stay that way, so spinning is here to stay :-)

fru-girl

Made the call last night - to end things with le date. Phew! I believe he wasn't very affected (maybe just a bit of an ego dent), we were probably on the same page just none of us willing to admit. Perhaps I'm generalizing but I think men don't tend to end it unless they have another prospect in mind.

Next? I don't know. I'm fed up with this online/app dating malarkey... it's emotionally draining, so I think I'll just stop for the moment.

Current mood: deflated.

EssexHebridean

You know what, you shouldn't feel deflated - you should feel proud of yourself for having done the right thing. I suspect you're right about chaps finding it harder to end things without a "Plan B" in place - but it wasn't doing either of you any good to keep it dragging on, was it. I also think you're absolutely right to step back from - and process it - for a while.

fru-girl

Dear diary, the weekend wasn't the best of all. My DD had a tummy bug so I kept her at home today and had to book half day off, as my ex will look after her in the afternoon. No trick or treat tonight

Also, he's told me he might move overseas, currently interviewing and he thinks high chances to get the offer, so that's quite the bomb... I'm so worried how DD will take it, he's worked overseas before but it was only 6 months, now it would be a (more) permanent/indefinite move. She'll be devastated and it will mark her for life... I'm so sad this might happen.

I'm worried for myself as well, the pressure of looking after a child alone 24/7, with no family around. We are quite amiable at the moment, after a rough patch, but there's nothing I can do, I can't stop him from moving.

Financially speaking things have been stalling, same CC level, almost no spend over the weekend.

Dating-wise this are looking very gloomy if le ex decided to abandon ship.

Current mood: I've been better...


PS. Thanks Essex, that's already behind me now, in light off the new 'developments' it seems such a non-problem now.

EssexHebridean

Ahh bless you that IS a bombshell isn't it. Depending on where he would be moving to, is there a prospect of him returning for weekends on a semi-regular basis at least so that contact is maintained until such time as she's old enough to travel to him sometimes, too? If he does move then you're going to need to get the contact agreement re-drawn to include things like who pays for her travel and who pays for the travel for whoever needs to escort her back and forth until unaccompanied is an option.

Financials - stalling is OK, better than slipping, anyway!

fru-girl

Thank you. It's a 7-hr flight. He says he'll be able to see her every two months but let's be realistic... the cost and the effort involved in that...

We don't have anything written. We've managed to agree on child maintenance and he's paid very regularly. We had a good informal arrangement where she stayed at his every other weekend and he'd also see her every Tue regularly, and also whenever else I needed or he wanted to. Quite civil really.

Not sure what will happen going forward but I will definitely not be paying for any of her travels to go see him. It's his choice to abandon her - this might sound harsh but he has a great job over here and nothing's forcing him to move (there's no other woman either). I don't understand some men.. how can they think it's fine to move away from a very young child and F them up for life (I've been there, my dad left when I was 5 and I'm still resentful).

Sorry for the rant. Thanks for reading.