Estate agent greedy for his commission - 92 year old mother

Andypandyboy

I think the Op said she was 77 herself so she might be finding this very stressful too.

Davesnave

I think respondents should be careful that their own prejudices aren't showing too much here.

Care homes aren't single entity; they're extremely variable. Some, probably the majority, I wouldn't want anyone I loved to be resident in, but others, I'd have no qualms about entering myself when appropriately aged. I'd say to anyone DYOR and don't be put off if the first few you visit are somewhat depressing.

Expressions like 'dumping,' 'shipping-off' etc are emotive terms which do a great disservice to those who manage the better care facilities in this country. They represent one possible solution to caring for someone who has reducing mental capacity, but of course they are many other kinds of provision too.

Without knowing the individual and their family well, particular options shouldn't be advocated.

bouicca21

There are many threads elsewhere on the forum about coping with demented elderly relatives, though that is scarcely what the OP was asking about. A variety of stratagems, including capping the gas off, kept my mum in her own home for several years before a care home became the only option.

TBagpuss

Susie, as others have said, I would suggest that you talk to your mum about her granting you powers of attorney. (both for financial matters and for health and welfare)

This would allow you to deal with financial matters for her (although unless and until she loses capacity, she can also make such decisions herself)

And a health and welfare PoA would ensure that you can make decisions for her and about her care in the event that she loses the capacity to do so.

http://www.ageuk.org.uk/money-matters/legal-issues/powers-of-attorney/power-of-attorney/

The fact that she has mild dementia would not necessarily be a bar to her granting powers of attorney, as the requirement would be that, on the day she gave instructions and on the day she signed, she had capacity to understand the nature and effect of the PoA.

Most solicitors dealing with this type of the work will be prepared to make home visits if necessary, and (particularly if there is any doubt a to your mum's level of confusion etc.) you may also need to arrange for her doctor to sign the certificate to confirm that she has capacity.

In the mean time, if your mum (or you on her behalf, with her signing the letter) writes a letter to the agents stating that she wishes to cancel the contract with the agents (quoting, if necessary, the Consumer Contract (Information and Cancellation and Additional Charges Regulations) 2013.) as it is within the 14 day period, then the contract will come to an end.

The agents would, under the regulations, be entitled to charge for initial work done, if mum signed to ask them to start work immediately, so they could arguably bill her for photos / preparation of particulars etc, although if they try to do so she could make a complaint about the pressure etc.

Good luck.

MistyZ

If someone's very elderly and is feeling vulnerable and isolated (which is possible even with good neighbours & a caring daughter) then I can well imagine that it might be difficult to find out what they really want or for them to stick to a course of action. Feeling pressured, even by the urgency of the situation, might well be enough to send your mother into a spin even if she doesn't actually have dementia. Is that what you're up against, Susie?

I'd have trouble deciding which of the many courses of action suggested here to go for, but I think it's clear that time is of the essence. A visit to the EA today is required I think, backed up with a letter expressing your concerns (make sure you keep a copy and indeed a timeline of everything that has happened so far). Then if Age UK / Age Concern are not contactable today, get onto them first thing on Monday morning, and CAB too.

Keep trying to find out exactly what your Mum is thinking and what she wants and if at all possible list key 'DOs & DON'Ts' for her to keep. If she does not want to talk to any more EAs, then that is one obvious item for the list. It is best if she writes the list herself and she has to be genuinely happy with it. As soon as you are out the door she may find herself going into a bit of a fog and having a written reminder of how she felt while focused could be useful for her.

martindow

I think that organising a PoA is straightforward in theory but can be difficult in practice. My father would have none of it which caused problems later in his life. Although he was clearly not coping, he was convinced that he was and that no help was needed.

The OP's parent sounds a a similarly strong character. Even if the dementia is not a legal hindrance to signing, the person has to agree to it.

On another point, I wonder if the EA cold calling is really what happened. Could Susie's mum have responded to a card through the door maybe and made an initial contact? Politeness inherent in some people would let them then go along with what was suggested by the EA.

patchwork_cat

A couple of people are missing that the OP herself is 77, chances are she doesn't need to take a day off work and the person who has a a dad in late 70's and jumps in the car, the OP is the same age as your dad. OP don't panic this is not a done deal, but I think you need to look at getting POA.

Person_one

patchwork_cat wrote: »

A couple of people are missing that the OP herself is 77

It was pointed out early on that it meant a 15 year age gap between mother and daughter, not impossible but unusual enough that perhaps its a typo and the OP is either 67 or somewhere inbetween the two ages?

G_M

Person_one wrote: »

It was pointed out early on that it meant a 15 year age gap between mother and daughter, not impossible but unusual enough that perhaps its a typo and the OP is either 67 or somewhere inbetween the two ages?

As david pointed out earlier@

Mum had racy younger years!

Andypandyboy

Person_one wrote: »

It was pointed out early on that it meant a 15 year age gap between mother and daughter, not impossible but unusual enough that perhaps its a typo and the OP is either 67 or somewhere inbetween the two ages?

I imagine it was not at all uncommon when this lady was in her teens. No contraception and the world was just entering a world war as she would have been 15 in 1939. Maybe waving her first love off to war?