Divorce, joint property, making sense of his offer

twiglet98

I’m trying to summarise my soon-to-be-ex-husband’s plan for a financial settlement before the ball starts rolling to divorce and I'm not at all sure his plan is workable. I can't see the wood for the trees, and if I have to find a solicitor I need bullet points to cover in a free half-hour - if a solicitor worth using offers that anyway. I suppose the good ones don't, and I can't even afford a rubbish one.

I’m 60, he is 57. We separated in 1997 with kids of 11, 9 and 5, I stayed here with them, he bought another house in his sole name. We still have a joint mortgage here and this house is owned in both names as joint tenants. The repayment mortgage has under 6 years and £30k outstanding, he has continued to pay it since he moved out. His other mortgage is bigger, with a different provider. Our building society does not know he doesn’t live here.

He has his own business, apparently paying himself minimum wage but taking a share of profits giving a pretty healthy income (though I don’t know how much). I work full time on a few pence over minimum wage. I could not afford to take on the mortgage. He does not want any exploration of affordability as on paper his ‘wage’ will not support either mortgage. His creditworthiness is shot after a series of debt problems in the past.

I guess he wants to remarry and his plan is that we divorce now, using forms downloaded from an online DIY service, he will continue to pay the mortgage until it’s cleared and THEN this house will be transferred into my sole name, and he will sign a letter promising this. He does not want to use solicitors, he is not prepared to discuss income, outgoings, investments, inheritances or pensions as effectively giving me the house is a fair settlement.

I don’t think the DIY forms are suitable if we will still jointly own this house with a joint mortgage, and we are going round in circles as he insists this is what we will do. It leaves me terribly vulnerable. There is no guarantee that he could or would pay the mortgage until it’s cleared. As he is self employed he has no Accident Sickness and Unemployment cover, he says he has Critical Illness insurance and life cover that would pay off the mortgage, but if his income dried up through business problems or an accident or illness that stopped him working, I'd have no protection. There is also the obviously possible scenario that he could change his mind and just decide to stop paying it. I doubt the building society would repossess with such a low amount and short term outstanding, but I’m far from sure.

My nature is to hide my head in the sand, put up and shut up, and not rock the boat. His is to be one step ahead and always keep a card up his sleeve, he likes to make the rules rather than play by them. I’m worried at being in such a vulnerable position if I agree to his suggestion, worried at dropping him in it if I instruct a solicitor, worried about the trouble we’ll both be in if I tell our building society he moved out years ago. If any action I take results in his finances being frozen, it's disastrous for us all.


If selling this house is the best way forward that’s another set of problems as it’s in a terrible state structurally and decoratively, I can’t afford to get it fixed, it wouldn’t pass a survey and wouldn’t sell for enough for me to buy anywhere else in this area where my kids are. Perhaps I would need a valuation though if I do need legal advice? Do estate agents charge to do a valuation, whether or not they're expecting instructions to sell it?

My ex knows I can’t afford professional advice. I’m spiralling into despair and would really appreciate an opinion from the outside.

Thanks for reading this essay.

enthusiasticsaver

Whether you divorce or not you both remain liable for the mortgage until it is gone or one of you takes it over in your own name. I am not sure the building society will actually care that he does not live there so there should not be any trouble with that. No one can freeze his finances.

You can get free valuations from estate agents or an indication of what you might get should you decide to sell. If it is in a bad state of repair this will reflect in suggested sale price and length of time to sell

I can't comment re diy divorce papers but yes in your position I would take legal advice. Presumably the children are now grown up? If you can't afford to keep the house in a good state of repair how do you envisage this turning out? Presumably you could downsize to a flat after selling if your children all left home?

jackieblack

You can do your own divorce using forms downloaded from https://www.gov.uk/divorce/overview. It's straightforward and there's no need to use a solicitor. However, it's extremely unlikely that a judge would approve a diy Consent Order (apparently it's the most common reason for a CO being rejected) and it would be a bad idea to divorce without getting a financial agreement sealed by a court.
Even if you come to a mutual agreement regarding finances yourselves, you will both have to make a basic declaration of your finances (income, debts and assets) so your husband cannot avoid that completely. The judge will also want to see that you have both taken legal advice on the agreement you have made and that you have both been advised on how this compares to your legal 'entitlement'.

Regarding the valuation of your house, we were told that we could agree a value between ourselves.

tacpot12

I feel the house is in a bad way it won't be worth as much, and will cost you to repair it. I think you need professional advice on the house, to understand how bad it is. You might be able to get this advice for free if you can get a builder around to look at the issues. They may be able to reassure you that what looks bad 'structurally' is in fact superficial.

Do you or he have pensions. His pension, if it exists, could be worth much more than the house and a court may award you a proportion of it. This may be the main reason why he doesn't want to go to court.

You are right to be concerned about what might happen after divorce. The building society can and will possess if there is any reasonable sum outstanding. I'd expect the limit to less than £5000, but at that point you might be able to get a personal loan to avoid eviction.

On the face of it, his offer is fair, he pays the mortgage, and in six years you get the house bought for you. But without knowing the value of the property, his pensions, his income, the state of the house and how long you were married for, it's very difficult to know this.

I think that given your husbands history the settlement is unlikely to be fair and that going to count could result in a substantially different outcome. I think you need to make a list of all the assets that your husband had (pension, investments) and his income from memory, and try to get an hour with a solicitor to get their veiw on what a fair settlement might be. If the difference is substantial, you need to consider what it might cost to achieve this settlement. The solicitor can tell you how difficult your husband can make it and what it will cost to get him into court.

paddy's_mum

twiglet98 wrote: »

He does not want any exploration of affordability

he is not prepared to discuss income, outgoings, investments, inheritances or pensions

This fact alone should be ringing every alarm bell you have at pneumatic drill level!

People who are being open, fair and honest do not block the reasonable nor do they start out from a position of trying to thwart the law.

My advice is very simple - you cannot afford not to seek good legal advice, however difficult that course of action may be.

Good luck.

peachyprice

You separated in 1997, so he's been paying the mortgage for the last 19 years without any problems? TBH, I think you've done very well so far, he's supported you long after he has needed to, presumably the 'children' are now 30, 28 and 24 and have long since flown the nest. Why do you think he's going to stop paying now?

nimbo

There are a few things in life you should never do yourself if you don't completely know what you're doing.

Plastering - they make it look sooooo easy.

Electrics - I mean I could probably wire a plug but more than that and I call anyone else. Haha

Legal stuff - I'll google about private parking tickets but that is it. Look into decent solicitors in your area and consider it a wise investment. Just make sure you read all the fine print and that they specialise in the right area of law.

Good luck and I hope it goes as well as it can.

LannieDuck

After the divorce goes through, and after the mortgage is paid off, your OH could very easily decide he'd rather sell the house and split the profit than put it all in your name.

I agree with someone up thread that an easier and more certain solution could be to get the house valued and sell now to downsize to a flat. It sounds as if the house is too expensive for you to maintain even if it was all paid off.

paddy's_mum

peachyprice wrote: »

You separated in 1997, so he's been paying the mortgage for the last 19 years without any problems? TBH, I think you've done very well so far, he's supported you long after he has needed to, presumably the 'children' are now 30, 28 and 24 and have long since flown the nest. Why do you think he's going to stop paying now?

That may be so but there is no inkling in the opening post that he has paid anything other than the mortgage. Has he paid child support, or given his wife and children any benefit or share of his (presumably) successful business? It may well be that paying out only the mortgage and keeping joint ownership of the matrimonial home was a shrewd and economical move.

My feeling is that he may well have been doing very nicely, thank you kindly, for a very long time and wants that lion's share situation to continue.

Whatever you and I may feel and however different our viewpoints, this man is plainly hiding something and concealment unfailingly invites suspicion.

In the OP's shoes, I'd be insisting on knowing what and why before I agreed to perhaps cutting my own financial throat!

Wouldn't you?

unforeseen

paddy's_mum wrote: »

That may be so but there is no inkling in the opening post that he has paid anything other than the mortgage.

Quite probably because the OP was happy with the other items and only has a problem with house/mortgage so that is all she is asking about.

It is not mandatory to have to include all sides. You ask about what you are worried about, not what people want to get on their little bandwagons about

Lunar_Eclipse

Of course you shouldn't agree to his plan, since you have no idea whether it's a "fair" financial settlement or not. I would be extremely offended in your position: does he think you're really stupid?!

If he wants a divorce then you need financial settlement. And to do that he needs to fully disclose all his assets, income and debts, which are all jointly owned.

Until he's prepared to provide such information, you don't need to do a thing.