Divorce, joint property, making sense of his offer

paddy's_mum

I don't think you realise just how many cards you hold.

My advice (since that is what you specifically asked for) is to tell him that you agree to a divorce only when you have strong, independent and trustworthy legal representation. Payment for that should come out of the matrimonial assets, of which his house and business comprise a part despite his viewpoint or insistence on you doing as you are told.

If for no other reason than that you tend to avoid upset or confrontation, you need somebody strong and knowledgeable on your side and a half decent solicitor will provide that backing so that you don't get bullied into financial suicide.

I suspect that in any case, a divorce court judge would refuse to accept a petition that did not show clearly that fairness and negotiation was in play nor that the action should go ahead without the more disadvantaged party having received any meaningful legal advice.

His demands and commands have every indication that he is a bully and bullies deserve to have their unkind manipulations scuppered.

Guest101

I think OP has been quite well off so far.

iammumtoone

Guest101 wrote: »

I think OP has been quite well off so far.

Why? nobody (including the OP) know what the husbands worth is. If he is worth 2 million and she has been offered a house worth £200K would you still think she has been quite well off so far?

The husband wont have just being paying the mortgage as he is kind, he will have been paying it as he doesn't want his credit record ruined. As he owns his own business I don't think a ruined credit rating would do him any favours. He will be aware the OP can't afford the mortgage and probably wouldn't pay it, so he has no choice but to pay to keep his credit record clean.

peachyprice

iammumtoone wrote: »

Why? nobody (including the OP) know what the husbands worth is. If he is worth 2 million and she has been offered a house worth £200K would you still think she has been quite well off so far?

If that wealth were acquired after their split back in 1997, then yes, I do think that she's done quite well to live mortgage free for the last 19 years.

Do you think OP has a right to a chunk of this theoretical £2mil that he may have earned a decade after their split, whilst still paying for a roof over her head?

Andrew_Ryan_89

How much is the house worth roughly?

Lunar_Eclipse

peachyprice wrote: »

If that wealth were acquired after their split back in 1997, then yes, I do think that she's done quite well to live mortgage free for the last 19 years.

Do you think OP has a right to a chunk of this theoretical £2mil that he may have earned a decade after their split, whilst still paying for a roof over her head?

I don't think what anyone thinks is "right" comes into it. It's about UK legal guidelines, and the timing of their separation in relation to wealth accumulation will be accounted for.

It's unusual to leave the financial separation so long though; it's been nearly 20 years!

paddy's_mum

One wonders how much of the 'theoretical £2 million' he would have had the time and freedom to earn if he had been the one stuck at home looking after 3 young children!

Lunar_Eclipse

Guest101 wrote: »

I think OP has been quite well off so far.

Maybe. Maybe not. I can see where you're coming from, but with very little information regarding their financial net worth when they separated, he might not have been that generous at all. Maybe he had a few million tucked away.

peachyprice

Lunar_Eclipse wrote: »

I don't think what anyone thinks is "right" comes into it. It's about UK legal guidelines, and the timing of their separation in relation to wealth accumulation will be accounted for.

It's unusual to leave the financial separation so long though; it's been nearly 20 years!

Exactly, the amount of time since the separation has to be taken into account, as does the ages of the 'children' now. But as usual on here, the man is being painted in a bad light, 'he must have done this, he must have done that', with absolutely NO indication from the OP that this is the case, and completely ignoring the fact that they've been separated 19 years and the children are all grown up.

OP has already had a good run of 'spousal maintenance' in the form of having her mortgage paid long after the children have grown up, but some still think that's not enough.

peachyprice

paddy's_mum wrote: »

One wonders how much of the 'theoretical £2 million' he would have had the time and freedom to earn if he had been the one stuck at home looking after 3 young children!

Assuming the OP wanted residency of the children when they split, possibly a moot point. Conversely, if they'd had 50/50 residency there was nothing stopping OP going out and making money either.

And at 5, 9 and 11, they were hardly '3 young children'.