Managing teens

Potternerd

DS has always been pretty biddable hung out with friends who are into football Pokemon go etc. he has recently started 6 th form and made a new group of friends who smoke, drink and some of whom do drugs. He says he hasn't done drugs or cigs and I am inclined to believe him, but also concerned about dangers he is putting himself in. OH says if we're really draconian, once he turns 18 he'll just go but I'm concerned about now. I'd be really grateful to hear any thoughts, suggestions etc.

martinthebandit

My only useful advice is........

Teenagers, nothing wrong with them that a few years growing up won't cure.

borkid

Your OH is right. My daughter went around with a man about 10 years older than when she was in 6th form her ( she was old for her age) . She said they were just friends, instead of trying to stop her from seeing him we treated him as any other friend and invited him around. Once he was around for dinner, we kept on as usual, stupid jokes talks about books and music, he was out of his depth and she noticed. It soon fizzled out.

She'd had some other friends when she was in early teens we weren't keen on again we invited them in. There was only one occassion when we had to ask one to leave . He was swearing and was told in no uncertain terms that he stop or leave as swearing wasn't allowed in our home by anyone. Again another short term friendship.

With my son I could 'drip feed' suggestions and he would take them on board so long as I didn't say do or don't do something it was OK.

You know your son and how he would react. Teenage years are hell for both the teenager and the parents.

DigForVictory

+1 for keep on inviting the oddities into the family home where they are more easily seen to be odd.

I've always been the Bad Cop when it comes to insisting on homework, spelling, attendance at Parents Evening etc, and I have not backed off one millimetre even as they loom over me & grunt. (In fact, I think one quite enjoys being lectured - it seems to need doing every few weeks.)

Laz123

As the advert says: "Always keep away from children..."

Guest101

Everyone experiments, most grow out of it quickly

sheramber

Give your son due credit for not being involved rather than treat him as if he is.

Discuss with him the dangers , not lecture him.

I always explained to my teenagers why I held a view.

On one occasion my 17 year old told me he intending doing something with his friends. I can't remember now what it was but I was not happy abut it. However, rather than forbid hime I told him I was not happy about it and why.

A week later he came to me and said I have been thinking about it and have decided not to go.

No rows, no bad feeling, just a happy mummy.

theoretica

As well as the dangers, simply adding up the likely cost over a year or two can be effective. 5 cigs a day is about £700 a year, and I bet he can think of something better to do with that sum.

Savvy_Sue

The best way of encouraging a child not to smoke is not to smoke yourselves. And the children who don't smoke are less likely to try drugs.

The experimentation with alcohol is almost a given. I just encouraged mine to make sure that they were looking out for their friends, so their friends would look out for them. I remember one of Tony Blair's sons being picked up by the police, very drunk after his GCSEs finished, and his 'mates' had just left him.

I also made sure mine knew what their rights were if they were arrested ... and NEVER to argue with the police if one of their friends was arrested!

hazyjo

Is 6th form still only for two years? If he can keep out of trouble for that time, he'll prob be off to Uni or working after that.

When you say drugs, is a bit of weed or nitrous oxide, or are we talking coke or something else?

Any chance of him meeting a girl? Might help keep him on the straight and narrow. I was with my first real BF for 3 years from 14. I'm sure it kept me out of trouble lol.

Jx

just_trying

I've got 2 teenagers personally I would go down the advice road, they seem to take that in. I would believe him if he says, he's not smoking etc.

If you roar and shout they ignore you and think what does she know, as adults do to. If you speak they take it in listen and most importantly think.