How many days to work

FBaby

Polly, I was once in your shoes, working FT in a demanding job, not entitled to any tax credits, single mum to two little kids and despairing at time of utter exhaustion when my friend who became single around the same time than me was left with more disposable income than me after giving up her job and claiming IS and support towards her mortgage and whatever else she was able to claim.

Time has gone by though and we are now in a very different position. I am now married, so things are different anyone but even if I wasn't, I could now see the benefits of my choices compared to hers. I am not stressing at the fact that my eldest is finishing college in under 2 years because it will make no difference to me, nor when my youngest reaches that stage 3 years later. As a matter of fact, I am deluding myself that I might even be better off when they move out of the house!

My friend who made the choice to work 16 hours at the similar level jobs is starting to panic as she has calculated the amount she is due to lose, including child maintenance, and she realises that she won't be able to keep her standard of living. When her youngest turns 18, in two years time, she will also have to sell her house as she will need to pay off her ex husband. She won't be able to use her share of the equity to buy somewhere outright and as it stands won't be able to afford a mortgage. She hasn't contributed much into a pension either.

She says now that she wished she had concentrated more on her career but she assumed she would meet someone and start a family again and things would be fine. She was in a relationship for a few years, but it didn't work out, he didn't want more children and they decided to end it.

It's really hard to find the right balance. It is so true that our kids grow so fast and before we know it, they are not children any longer, but I personally have no regrets. I feel that I did manage to make our time together quality time and it's nice to be in a position to look forward to enjoying the things I've missed out for myself.

Peter333

ska_lover wrote: »

I agree, your children are only young once. I would be tempted too.

Honestly I don't think women can win, whatever the choice. But at the end of the day the only people you are trying to impress are your kids - tosh to what other people think

100% right! Go to work full time, and you're a bad mother for 'dumping' your kids on a nanny/childminder, stay at home and you're a 'free-loader.' I do agree that mothers of young children can never win. At the end of the day, just do what is best for you and your children.

FBaby

I've never felt criticized by others for choosing to work FT on the opposite, but then my kids have always seemed contented. I did ask them once when they were old enough whether they regretted that I worked FT. They said that they didn't and they were glad that they got given the opportunities that they had. Saying that, they are sociable kids who enjoy being with other people and being stimulated, so going to afterschool/holiday clubs was never considered a punishment to them.

Spendless

You're working a 4 day week at the moment, which gives you a day that you're able to do the school run and have time on your own, for appointments, housework, socialising whilst they're at school. You're focusing on what you don't have rather than what you do.

I'd leave things as they are.

ska_lover

Peter333 wrote: »

100% right! Go to work full time, and you're a bad mother for 'dumping' your kids on a nanny/childminder, stay at home and you're a 'free-loader.' I do agree that mothers of young children can never win. At the end of the day, just do what is best for you and your children.

and the guilt. OOOOooo the neverending guilt trips.

@guest 101 - this is what I mean

Primrose

Don't forget that going forward any anybody who hasn't got ten full years of National Insurance contributions, discounting any entitlement to specific allowances, will not get any form of state pension whatsoever. So whilst you may be thinking of the benefits of not working in the here and now, you also need to think about your long term future and yiur retirement, however far off it currently seems.

Andypandyboy

I suppose I am old fashioned but I think of state support as a safety net, not as a choice.

If it is a problem having kids and working that should have been factored into the decision about whether to have them or how many to have and when, imo of course.

If the family unit as a whole can support a part time or sahp then great, if not, then I can't see why the state should do it.

Georgiegirl256

Totally agree with Andy. Benefits are there as a safety net for those vulnerable and in need, not as a way to fund your lifestyle.

Marvel1

My wages for 5 days seems to in between your 2.5 days, I can't claim anything! Makes no sense.

Note: I live alone with a mortgage and no kids.

It's just messed up.

FBaby

Unfortunately you are old fashion Andy! Tax credits are now considered a lifestyle choice for many because the government has allowed it to be so. UC is supposed to make this more difficult but likely to be many years before it is fully implemented if it isn't overthrown by then.