Please help (ESA and housing advice)

[Deleted User]

I'm not saying you are the same but my 20 year old has aspergers and dyspraxia. In my area there is a specialist autism social worker team, they help him a lot. When I was about to be evicted, the social worker did have an assisted living place lined up for him, just in case things went wrong. He can get very anxious about things. My son has a personal assistant now that helps him with things he finds challenging.

I know sometimes I get a bit frustrated with my son as when you are stressed it can be hard to stop and think, he's not doing (whatever it is) deliberately. Its hard to know what is deliberate and what can't be helped because he has special needs. But obviously, the situation you are living in is not acceptable. You shouldn't be feeling like this and paying out so much money.

You could also go to your local town hall or look online for your area and ask for a vulnerable adults assessment. I certainly think you qualify for this. This is used when a person is being abused. Abuse can be financial, emotional and physical.

You could phone MIND, and ask for support, if nothing else you can discuss the situation with someone. They are very kind and understanding. http://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/helplines/

You can email them if you feel happier doing that supporterservices@mind.org.uk

If it helps, make a list of what you want to talk about before speaking to someone. It will help with the forgetfulness. It may just be because there is so much going through your head its a bit overwhelming trying to find the things you want to talk about and process them into words so you can express them.

Ames

I was thinking about this today, OP I think you need to open a new bank account and get your ESA paid into that asap. If your bank call in your overdraft you won't have access to any money put into it as they'll take it to pay off the overdraft. If they did that you'd be incredibly vulnerable, as you wouldn't be able to pay your mum board, which I imagine would make your situation much worse.

(There are rules about what benefits can be taken for debt, but it's complicated and can take a long time to work out and it doesn't sound like you'd be able to deal with it. I'm also not sure how ESA fits into it).

MrsMJ

I'm sorry you're having a hard time with your Mum and your mental health :-( I am not sure I can offer any advice of great importance, but I just wanted you to know that it's really great you're talking about it and looking to improve your situation. Hope everything is resolved for you soon and someone can give you some great advice xxx

MrsMJ

Ames wrote: »

I was thinking about this today, OP I think you need to open a new bank account and get your ESA paid into that asap. If your bank call in your overdraft you won't have access to any money put into it as they'll take it to pay off the overdraft. If they did that you'd be incredibly vulnerable, as you wouldn't be able to pay your mum board, which I imagine would make your situation much worse.

(There are rules about what benefits can be taken for debt, but it's complicated and can take a long time to work out and it doesn't sound like you'd be able to deal with it. I'm also not sure how ESA fits into it).

You can request a refund of money taken in charges if it leaves you with no benefits and vulnerable. You can also speak to your bank about having control added to your account, to prevent charges, in circumstances of difficulty this can be done free of charge or for a fee (normally £10) this can be added. I had to do this before and it was very useful until I got back on track!

dippy3103

Contact the housing options team at your local council. Sounds as if you are vulnerable, at risk of being made homeless & your current living arrangements are making your health issues worse.
What your Mum is doing to you is financial abuse. Go and open a basic bank account elsewhere, get your ESA paid in there and then ask your bank if you can repay the overdraft at an affordable sum each week. Is your ESA income based?
Don't let your Mum drag you down.

Tolly_T

In my area there is something called 'floating support' which is provided specifically for tenancy support through the County Council they say :-

The service can help you to:

set up and maintain a home or tenancy
manage finances and benefit claims
develop independent living skills
gain access to other services
ensure your accommodation is safe and secure.

I've known people who have had this help and found it very helpful. It sounds like this covers the things that you are concerned about and meeting with someone from this type of service in advance might make you feel more confident about the process. It may be possible for you to refer yourself or the CAB or other services that you have help from might know whether you have a similar service locally. Your GP or the place you had counselling might also be able to point you in the right direction. Try searching for 'floating support' or 'tenancy support' on your County Council and your City Council websites. I know the support transferred from one to the other here. If you can't find those terms just email them, explain your circumstances briefly and mention that you have difficulty using the telephone and ask if they have a similar scheme.

It sounds like you need to get out of your current situation as soon as possible. It must be making your mental health worse. I know it can be hard to motivate yourself when you're ill so try to get some support to make the next move. Speak to your GP if possible so that they can provide evidence and support if needed and try to get a friend involved who you trust just so that you're not doing it all alone.

I really hope things improve for you soon. I also hope that you are able to build a better relationship with your mother when you have some distance. It might not be possible and it might not be something you want at present but that could change so it's worth trying to keep communication open on your terms. Please let us know how you get on.