Please help (ESA and housing advice)

sodaly

I really need some help right now. I have no idea where to turn. I am 24.

I suffer from mental illness fairly badly, and have done for the past 4 years. I live at home with my mother but money is tight and her temper is short. She is disabled and had to give up her job a few years ago. She gets angry easily and often lashes out at me because of my mental illness, because I am not improving very much, because I am forgetful and because she thinks I am wasting my life. I am quite afraid of her, and she has said dozens of times that she will kick me out, leaving threats hanging. I am terrified that she will kick me out because we live in the middle of nowhere and I have no friends or family except her. Every day is horrific and a struggle not to mention my mental illness, I try my best but it I have been struggling for so long.

I get ESA for which I am so so grateful. I am £1000 overdrawn in my bank and they want me to start paying it back soon. I am so overdrawn because I bought my mother a sofa, a fridge freezer, an oven, a tv, and a dog. It was stupid of me to give into her but I am constantly afraid of being kicked out. I am panicking all the time.

I give her half of my ESA for board every fortnight, and the rest I spend on food for the whole household. I buy most of my own food. Each fortnight I manage to keep about £50 for myself, which she will usually guilttrip out of me eventually. I have been trying to save up for my own flat but it's hopeless.

I have been in counseling for my mental health but all that stopped a few months ago because of NHS cuts in my area. So I am on my own with it now.

I don't know what to do. I am so depressed and panicky even on a good day, and my mother is just making it worse. I have no idea what to do. I just need help please?

I don't know how to get a flat myself. I can't deal with telephone calls and I am probably too mentally ill to deal with bills etc, because there is so much to remember. But I can't carry on like this anymore.

missbiggles1

Have you considered family counselling?

sodaly

I don't know what that is. My mum has been offered counseling before but won't take it. She thinks counseling is stupid.

jack84

Sometimes you need somebody completely on the outside- for a clear point of view and Im pleased you have posted because you need some help here.

Let me be the first to break it to you - It sounds like your mother is taking advantage of you.

she is taking your benefits? Does she pay rent? as she is disabled, there is a chance she actually pays no rent and gets full housing benefit , can you trust her to know for certain shes not pretending she has to pay rent / have you seen the letters?

although counselling may be beneficial to you, I think having some distance from your mother would be better. My sister, having gone through a similar ( not as bad by the sounds of it though ) situation as yourself - actually made herself homeless for 1 day!, and went to the council offices who housed her the very same day! ( they have places ready for young ladies especially ) and shes made her escape that way.

Does your mother know your in 1000 pounds of debt because of this? if she knew would she feel bad or not care?

To me, it sounds like you need to leave your mother who does not take into account your mental illness enough, and burdens you with her poor behaviour.

I wish you all the best and I hope I have not offended you in anyway If I have please let me know and I am apologising in advance.

sodaly

Thank you Jack84 for your time and your answer.

I know she is taking advantage of me sadly. She does get housing benefit but pays a small amount of rent per week, I'm not sure how much but no more than £10. She knows I am £1000 overdrawn, she doesn't care as she says it was my decision.

I desperately want to leave her, but it is as if I'm stuck, because I'm not sure I would be able to cope with paying bills, tax, rent etc, unless it was simplified for me.

NeilCr

Are you getting any support? In our area mental health charities and some housing charities will help with finding somewhere to live. And they can assist with day to day things too

Might be worth a trip to your local CAB/whatever to see if they have local information on organisations that may be able to help

Good luck

davidplans

Depending on what you're mental illness is you might get help from Social Services, There are Dedicated services for Learning Disability and Asperger's and Vulnerable Adults depending on what criteria you fit into.

jack84

NeilCr wrote: »

Are you getting any support? In our area mental health charities and some housing charities will help with finding somewhere to live. And they can assist with day to day things too

Might be worth a trip to your local CAB/whatever to see if they have local information on organisations that may be able to help

Good luck

I agree with this.

If you can get to a citizens advice bureau, they might be able to offer you some direction and a plan. I sympathize with your current situation and cant imagine what it must be like.

I don’t recommend intentionally making yourself homeless, but what worked for me many moons ago, was getting my father to write a letter for me to hand in to the council, which said he was going to kick me out ( he wasn’t really going to - but that was proof enough for the council to home me and my partner within the time-frame given on the notice / letter )

I have a friend with schizophrenia, he has a person go to hes 1 bedroom apartment 3 times a week to help with bills ect. I don’t know how he manages - but he does!

He lives in special accommodation for people with mental illness, its a block of apartments and everyone living there has helpers - the CAB may know of such a place nearby and could possibly help you with the path you need to take to find a place that’s perfect for you.

As for the bank account - try your best to negotiate a low monthly payment - and in the meantime go and open another account! Incase they want to get tough and block your account - I used to work for a big bank, and Its sad that they lend so much to people knowing its going to lead to a life of debt.

I know a thing or two about banks, and my advice - though I know will likely be criticized - is, don’t apply for any more borrowing - its a trap. at best, its should only be used for emergencies - never the norm!.

You could stop paying the 1000 you owe, and the debt as its pretty small ( there’s always bigger fish in the sea!) Will just go to debt recovery. You’ll be defaulted about 2 times and your credit rating will be awful for 6 years - Then it gets deleted from your credit score and all is good again. I have a friend who owed about 20k through loans, overdrafts - after 6 years of ignoring the debts - he never once got taken to court, and hes credit score is now amazing!
I don’t condone that at all - just saying, its an option if you are absolutely desperate and literally cannot pay. ( I’m not here to judge) - so is bankruptcy.

I still reckon though, CAB is the best way forward for you -

NYM

Have you thought about contacting MIND - Guide to support and services. Supported accommodation

Even just chatting to them may help you. Best of luck

davidplans

To meet the criteria for Supported Living settings you need a referral to Social Services and have a assessment. You need to meet eligibility criteria above Substantial!.

http://www.richmond.gov.uk/eligibility_crieria_checklist.pdf

Ames

Firstly, there may be charities in your area that can help.

Secondly, do you claim PIP? If not you should consider it, you'd be able to pay for a support worker to help you with bills.

What are you scared of about bills? Is it keeping on top of paying them, or worry that you'll overspend and not have enough left to pay them? Because direct debits make it much easier to pay them. You could have two accounts, one for bills and one for spending money. There are other things you can do to help with budgeting.

I understand how overwhelming it must feel thinking about moving out and all the things you need to do to get there. There might be some short term support available to you though, so the above suggestion to speak to CAB is a good one. Your GP might know of any help too. It's a good idea to let your GP know how things are at home anyway, so they can give you the best care.