Serial Spender needing help!

nkkingston

There's an old diet trick which involved putting a photo of a celebrity you fancied inside your fridge, so every time you went for a quick snack you saw the celebrity staring out at you and it reminded you to stop and think about why you were there.

One of the most important things about owning an animal is the positive effect it has on your own mental health. Take advantage of that! If you feel low, visit him, not H&M. Set your horse as your desktop background and/or in your wallet, on top of your cards. Every time you feel spendy, minimise the window and stare at him for a minute. Compare him with what you want to buy. Is a new iphone worth more than his welfare? Would new shoes make you happier than riding him? Imagine your horse wearing/using whatever it is you want to buy. Doesn't it make material things suddenly seem ludicrous? Give yourself a giggle

debbie_debt

I'm in exactly the same position. I've been battling with debt for my entire adult life and for years have felt there has been a 'need' to spend. On the kids, on the house, on experiences which will make them happy (like holidays). The money is hardly ever spent on me personally, so I've never felt like I'm being selfish and I've never thought my spending is my fault.

Recently, I've had the lightbulb. I've thought I've had it many times over the years when I've committed to sorting my debt, but there's always been an excuse. The latest was feeling like it was my husband's fault. However, after finally agreeing to a budget with him, I've realised he's stuck to it 100% and I've been secretly spending (again on my kids, or on things I've felt I've had to do, like wedding presents or going to an abroad family wedding). I've realised that I've been the problem all along. This has been devastating and enlightening all in one go.

I'm going to start looking online for some techniques to help people who actually have an addiction to spending. If I find anything useful, I'll come back to you. One thing I've just though of is writing my current total debt on a piece of paper and carrying it round with me, updating it every month. Seeing it in black and white might be quite empowering.

Good luck on your journey.

Debbie

EssexHebridean

-taff wrote: »

You can start the process of forcing your ex to sell the house which will help. You can also look at your nram loan and see if you had PPI on it which you can complain about - prior to 2009 it will have been single premium which s a no no now.

You may well have PPI on your NRAM loan - they had a nasty little habit of telling people that they wouldn't give them the loan if they didn't take out PPI on it - and that in itself is miss-selling. I successfully claimed against them for exactly that reason. If you get anything back you'd be quite justified, in my view, to pay it straight off against the loan...it may even be you could ask them to take it straight from the balance - mine was paid up before I challenged it so I can't be sure whether they can do that, or not.

kazwookie

I think you need to sort out the fact you own half a house with your ex, who now has his wife and child there.

You need it sold or you need him to buy you out, or you charge them rent

tallyhoh

I would consult a solicitor regarding the house with a view to forcing a sale. Most do a free 30 minute consultation.

MrsTinks

Firstly - do you actually still part own this property?

Secondly - right now... you are choosing your horse over your partner and your future. Sorry to be blunt but that is exactly what you're doing.

Horses and riding are NOT cheap sports or pets. I'm guessing between £100-£300 a month for grazing/stable? Then you have winter feed, equipment, your clothes, shoes, winter waterproof yard shoes and wellies, helmets, new saddle rugs, new winter rugs unless he's a native breed type, probably a couple of those as they always rip them... cleaning of said rugs and repairs.

I get it, I love horses. My daughter has a half loan in a pony which I obviously pay for, I know what the "bits" cost.

If you are in increasing debt then you are NOT comfortably affording your horse.

Sit down, write every single cost you have spent on your horse this year down - shows, gear, livery: EVERYTHING. Now see if you still feel you can afford it...

Do your SOA and post it up so we can help you prioritize where money gets allocated.