Think my partner is an alchoholic

C_Mababejive

He should do what he likes, not what you tell him and you should do the same.

That may well lead to the end of your relationship but if it does,well it will likely be for the best.

ognum

C_Mababejive wrote: »

He should do what he likes, not what you tell him and you should do the same.

That may well lead to the end of your relationship but if it does,well it will likely be for the best.

This is a really interesting point and is not what makes most relationships work.

Relationship that work (not just sexual relationships) are about adapting our behaviour to create an environment that we are both/all comfortable to be in.

We cannot just all do what we want whenever we want whether it is at work at home in a club or social environment.

The Op and her partner need to negotiate the rules of their relationship then it might work.

p00hsticks

boliston wrote: »

"he has always been a heavy drinker he used to drink maybe three times a week and as I used to drink as well I didn't see a problem"

Surely "3 times a week" is not much if it is just 3 drinks? I normally have one 500ml bottle of real ale each evening so that means I drink "7 times a week" - does that make me a serious alcoholic?

If he's got to the point where he is unable to go without a drink for a day when he's promised he won't drink, is buying drink in secret and hiding it, then he has a drinking problem.

OP, as others have said, unfortunately until your partner recognises he has a problem and is prepared to do something about it there's not much you can do. Al-anon is a support group for families of alcoholics which is a spin-off of Alcoholics Anonymous and they have a helpline you can call and also group meetings.

http://www.al-anonuk.org.uk/

belinda729

Hi thanks for the replies....when I said he used to drink 3 times a week I .want he would drink upwards of at least 6 cans a night usually more..

We talked yesterday and I told him I waant willing to be around him anymore if he continues this behaviour...He thinks I am controlling him by saying this...He has agreed to go to Dr for advice but still says he doesnt have a problem

He said he hid the alchohol cos he knew I would kick off and it's up to him if he wants to drink ..

Guest101

belinda729 wrote: »

Hi thanks for the replies....when I said he used to drink 3 times a week I .want he would drink upwards of at least 6 cans a night usually more..

We talked yesterday and I told him I waant willing to be around him anymore if he continues this behaviour...He thinks I am controlling him by saying this...He has agreed to go to Dr for advice but still says he doesnt have a problem

He said he hid the alchohol cos he knew I would kick off and it's up to him if he wants to drink ..

He's right to some degree.


But you don't have to put up with it either, you are free to leave

DigForVictory

In whose name is the house?
Does your GP know your husband is verbally abusive to you?
Do the local police know your husband is verbally abusive to you?
Are all your bank accounts in joint names?

Just a few things to ponder as you try to sleep downstairs.
I'm not saying leave, yet.
I am saying think how to get out of this.

amistupid

belinda729 wrote: »

I am at my wits and what to do ....I do love him and it was gr8 in the beginning but I feel so worn down and just don't know what to do.

A baby can put huge strains on a relationship, perhaps he feels as despondent as you and is drinking more because it gives him a temporary lift. You say he's changed, that he has mental health issues. that he's turning alcoholic and becoming abusive, may be that's a response to how he thinks you and your relationship with him have changed.

Hopefully, especially for the child's sake, if you both still love each other, things will work out.

Diary

belinda729 wrote: »

I have been with my partner for 3 yrs we have a one yr old together and i have 3 other children ....for the last 2 yrs my ex has been verbally abusive ...at first it started with just normal arguments about stupid stuff but now it has escalated to him having a go at me and calling me names for no reason...he has always been a heavy drinker he used to drink maybe three times a week and as I used to drink as well I didn't see a problem..however since having my son I have stopped drinking and only rarely drink....since his mother passed away a few mnths ago (they were not close) he has been drinking at least 4 cans everyniggt sometimes more...when he does he is even more abusive he used to just call me names in private but has now taken to doing it in front of kids

He says it's my fault that he does this because if we argue I say I am not talking to him tok he calms down and ignore eveything he says ....he says this means I am ignorant and it makes him even angrier.

He is currently awaiting a mental health appointment he has been to a few (at my request) and he says he doesnt want to go to next one as he doesnt need it it's me with problem not him.

In Friday I told him I had had enough that I didn't want to live with him verbally abuaing me anynore ...he begged forgiveness swore he would drink anymore and would be nicer to kids and myself .

I let him back he was abusive again Saturday ...he kept nagging for me to let him have a drink I aruck to my guns and said no if you want to be with us enough is enough....last night he goes down the shop to get a pasty ...he comes back and goes straight upstairs I asked him if he bought alcohol and he said no...

We went to bed and I was falling asleep as I was I could hear him rifling through a bag he got up a d want downstairs so I sat up and low and behold in the floor was 4 cans of cider.we had a huge argument and I slept downstairs again.

I am at my wits and what to do ....I do love him and it was gr8 in the beginning but I feel so worn down and just don't know what to do.

Any advice would be great x

I am at

From a different perspective...

Up to a year ago you were both drinking together and for some reason you gave up with your fourth child. I can see his confusion. It was OK for your boyfriend to drink when you both were and then somehow not ok when you weren't. He would feel very let down by your lack of understanding and very controlled as he presumably didn't demand you give up drinking - you just gave up on your own accord. Has the verbal abuse just started or are you seeing it differently since you stopped drinking?

You have made differently choices in life to your boyfriend and maybe it's time to move on to things more suited to you.
I hope you read this in the spirit it was intended - abusive relationships, whoever is doing the abusing, are always wrong.

brianh

For what it's worth I think for the sake of the whole family you need to persevere with trying to sort the situation out for a while which is what you are doing.
If things don't improve then there must come a time when it becomes better for you and the children to move on. Only you can make that decision.
Best wishes.