How to go about separating

Kynthia

paddy's_mum wrote: »

Like I "deep down" knew when my partner of several years phoned me on the Tuesday asking me to marry him and I found, out of the blue, on the Saturday that he had been cheating on me for many months, do you mean?

I'm not presuming to give relationship advice but I will (since the UK as well as this forum still have free speech, allegedly) say this;-

In the same way that you cannot have a slight touch of pregnancy, she cannot "deep down" know. She either knows or she doesn't.

What you wish to be so isn't fact. As the mother of your two small children, I believe you owe her the face to face, honest if painful discussion. There's no amicable sorting out of anything without knowledge and communication between you.

I wish all of you luck and a happier future.

This. The deep down thing doesn't sound like she knows and you're trying to get out of your responsibilities in the relationship to actually discuss things. Be grown-up about this and have a conversation with her. It doesn't sound good that you're planning your break - up and how to get a share of her asset when she possibly doesn't even know the relationship is in trouble.

You are not married therefore there are no laws or courts set up to split your assets fairly. Legally you each own what is in your name and would have to sue each other for anything else and prove to a judge you were entitled to it, not just because you were in a relationship but because you'd been promised it or paid towards it. However I'm no expert so a solicitor would have to advise you.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

leereni wrote: »

I will be separating from my gf in the next 36 months. I don't need any relationship counselling thank you very much, but value some advice on sorting out our house, pension etc.

We have two very young children. We have about £120000 equity in our home and debts maybe totalling £5000.

I have no problem paying maintenance and even letting her stay in the house for the short term, however where do I stand regarding getting my share eventually? Also, she has a small flat abroad which she candidly never gave me half of, where do I stand with that? Also, how is maintenance calculated? Is it based on basic pay or in addition overtime (which is not guaranteed)?

Depends. Are you prepared to take the risk of forcing a house sale and her potentially having to take the children overseas to avoid being homeless?

After all, she's not going to be able to buy anywhere on £60K and won't qualify for local authority assistance as she owns property.


Consult a solicitor and tell the woman.

Dill

leereni wrote: »

I will be separating from my gf in the next 36 months. I don't need any relationship counselling thank you very much, but value some advice on sorting out our house, pension etc.

We have two very young children. We have about £120000 equity in our home and debts maybe totalling £5000.

I have no problem paying maintenance and even letting her stay in the house for the short term, however where do I stand regarding getting my share eventually? Also, she has a small flat abroad which she candidly never gave me half of, where do I stand with that? Also, how is maintenance calculated? Is it based on basic pay or in addition overtime (which is not guaranteed)?

This is where it can get very messy if the parents aren't married!

I would think it depends on a lot of things - is she working as a Stay At Home Mum, or does she have a job outside the home/her own source of income?

One usually has to buy the other out, or both move out of the home and buy/rent other property to live in.

Regarding Maintenance, you can pay as much as you want to pay but as a minimum I think the CSA will take 15% of your take home pay.

FBaby

Assume both your names are on the deed of the house and both entitled to 50/50?

The common arrangement would be to get an official valuation of what the house is worth now. Then you go to a solicitor and draw a deed of trust that gives you entitlement to 50% of the equity value at this stage (and 50% of the costs of selling when this comes about). She stays in the house with the kids, pays the full mortgage, you pay maintenance as indicated by CSA (or whatever they are called now), and when the youngest turns 18 OR, when she marries/get into a serious relationship, the house is sold and you get your agreed half.

The variance with the above is if she can't afford the whole mortgage at all. You might then agree to continue to pay 50% of it, but then get 50% of the equity when sold. Or, if she can't pay anything at all, then she might have to accept that the house is sold all together.

The difficulty than comes if she meets someone else and they move in the house. You could decide that at this stage, there is no reason for her to stay in the house, but if she disagreed, you might have no choice but to take her to court, which is costly.

The best way forward for you if you are to go your own way would be to convince her to sell the house and break all financial link. You also need to bear in mind that if you were to want to buy another property, being still on the deed of the other house could prevent you for doing so or cost you more.

If she works and earns a good salary, a judge could agree that the house is sold immediately if he felt she earned enough to afford another property, even if smaller/not in best area etc... as long as it was big enough for the children/didn't disturb their education.

mark5

Dill wrote: »

This is where it can get very messy if the parents aren't married!

I would think it depends on a lot of things - is she working as a Stay At Home Mum, or does she have a job outside the home/her own source of income?

One usually has to buy the other out, or both move out of the home and buy/rent other property to live in.

Regarding Maintenance, you can pay as much as you want to pay but as a minimum I think the CSA will take 15% of your take home pay.

The CSA payment could be very low if the OP has the children for a lot of overnight stays, a lot lower than 15%. The general guide is 15% for one child, 20% for 2 children but this reduces with overnight stays as it should.

TBagpuss

As you are not married, then in general, you would each be entitled to 50% of the equity, so unless one of you can afford to buy out the other, normally this would mean that the house would have to be sold. You are not entitled to claim against one another's pensions or other assets in you respective sole names.

However, You could agree between yourselves a different arrangement. If you do that, it would be sensible to have a Separation agreement drawn up and, potentially, declaration of trust to set out what your interests in the house will be, what responsibility each of you will have for bills and the mortgage, and when, and in what circumstances, the house will be sold.

There would be nothing to stop you reaching an agreement that the house were not old until your younger child was in school, if your partner is currently a stay at home mum, for example, or for the two of you to agree an unequal split of the equity, if you have different incomes and earning capacity and if this would allow each of you to put down a deposit and buy a new property.

If the children are to live with your partner then you will have to pay child support, and this would be calculated under the CMOS rules, if you and she cannot agree.

baby_lemonade

leereni wrote: »

I will be separating from my gf in the next 36 months. I don't need any relationship counselling thank you very much, but value some advice on sorting out our house, pension etc.

We have two very young children. We have about £120000 equity in our home and debts maybe totalling £5000.

I have no problem paying maintenance and even letting her stay in the house for the short term, however where do I stand regarding getting my share eventually? Also, she has a small flat abroad which she candidly never gave me half of, where do I stand with that? Also, how is maintenance calculated? Is it based on basic pay or in addition overtime (which is not guaranteed)?

If the children are going to be living with her, she'll probably have the right to remain in the house till they reach 18. No judge will want to uproot them when there's children involved.

Does the missus know she's going to be unceremoniously dumped and left with 2 very young children to bring up alone "in 3 to 6 months time" ?

jamiehelsinki

The court will probably take the view that the children need somewhere suitable to stay with both parents. My ex thought she would keep our house without buying me out until her solicitor told her she had no chance, she then wanted a larger share of the house equity to compensate for me having a bigger pension than her, when she discovered her pension was worth more she give up.

clairec79

You don't plan to break up in 3-6months, you may break up and plan on moving out in x amount of time though

Grow up, tell her how you feel and end it. You've already checked out of the relationship emotionally, give her the same option