How to go about separating

leereni

I will be separating from my gf in the next 36 months. I don't need any relationship counselling thank you very much, but value some advice on sorting out our house, pension etc.

We have two very young children. We have about £120000 equity in our home and debts maybe totalling £5000.

I have no problem paying maintenance and even letting her stay in the house for the short term, however where do I stand regarding getting my share eventually? Also, she has a small flat abroad which she candidly never gave me half of, where do I stand with that? Also, how is maintenance calculated? Is it based on basic pay or in addition overtime (which is not guaranteed)?

haras_nosirrah

as you aren't married i don't think you have any rights to her home abroad. not sure about the rest but saying you are going to be splitting within 3 years - are you going to stay in a relationship for 3 years if you don't want to be with her? can't you go to relate and try and save it if it isn't so bad that you can see yourself staying with her for what is quite a long time

k3lvc

leereni wrote: »

I will be separating from my gf in the next 36 months

Does she know ? That's some serious forward planning :eek:

leereni

Sorry meant to say 3-6 months

Guest101

OP has a very detailed 5 year plan

fairy_lights

leereni wrote: »

Sorry meant to say 3-6 months

Still, does she know?

Guest101

leereni wrote: »

Sorry meant to say 3-6 months

CMS typically use your P60 so will be based upon previous years income, but can be varied if substantially different

leereni

It's not something for definite I have said, but deep down she knows and knows it's for the better for both of us.

gettingtheresometime

I think it's sad that given you have two small children, you aren't prepared to give counselling a try.

Even if it doesn't work out counselling may help facilitate the conversations regarding maintenance etc

Angry_Bear

leereni wrote: »

It's not something for definite I have said, but deep down she knows and knows it's for the better for both of us.

"deep down she knows" implies that maybe, perhaps, she doesn't know at all. And deciding that you'll be splitting in 3-6 months then discussing it on a public forum with her possibly completely oblivious is pretty cruel, imo.

Rather than posting here, perhaps you should have a heart to heart with her and find out if there's some way you can work together to either save your relationship or work out how you can be friends enough to be able to still bring up your children.

This is not in terms of relationship advice, but simply that being fair and decent to each other will make the practicalities of separating much easier (and less costly w.r.t. solicitors).

paddy's_mum

leereni wrote: »

but deep down she knows

Like I "deep down" knew when my partner of several years phoned me on the Tuesday asking me to marry him and I found, out of the blue, on the Saturday that he had been cheating on me for many months, do you mean?

I'm not presuming to give relationship advice but I will (since the UK as well as this forum still have free speech, allegedly) say this;-

In the same way that you cannot have a slight touch of pregnancy, she cannot "deep down" know. She either knows or she doesn't.

What you wish to be so isn't fact. As the mother of your two small children, I believe you owe her the face to face, honest if painful discussion. There's no amicable sorting out of anything without knowledge and communication between you.

I wish all of you luck and a happier future.