Really confused

kimbyanne

Hi,

Just to give some background, we have been together over thirteen years, living together for around six years and have been engaged for three years.

At no point, have I even started to "plan" our wedding, the thought terrifies me as I am really not in to the whole "big white wedding" and everything is just massively overwhelming.

We would like something low key/simple and low cost.

I looked this morning at giving notice to marry, but there is a six month wait, and I cannot book the appointment until I have booked a venue?!

Is there any guides on where on earth to begin?!

inkie

Wha do you mean there is a 6 month wait? To get an appointment to give notice to marry? Have you thought about a church wedding - you can have low key church wedding and you don't give notice, just have banns read.

You can book your venue if it's a hotel wedding, but need to check the availability of the registrar - and get them booked in. This is something seperate to giving notice. Secure the date with reg. Then book the venue. Then make an appointment to give notice (you can do the notice up to 12 months in advance)

arbrighton

If you really really want low key, then just the two of you and witnesses at the register office. And yes you'll need to give notice, and no, you can't do that til you know where you are marrying

Then a nice meal and jobs a good un

kimbyanne

inkie wrote: »

Wha do you mean there is a 6 month wait? To get an appointment to give notice to marry? Have you thought about a church wedding - you can have low key church wedding and you don't give notice, just have banns read.

You can book your venue if it's a hotel wedding, but need to check the availability of the registrar - and get them booked in. This is something seperate to giving notice. Secure the date with reg. Then book the venue. Then make an appointment to give notice (you can do the notice up to 12 months in advance)

Yes, apparently there is a six month wait to get an appointment to give notice to marry in our area. Seems a bit extreme, I dont know if what is worst case or if it is actually six months.

*~Zephyr~*

kimbyanne wrote: »

Yes, apparently there is a six month wait to get an appointment to give notice to marry in our area. Seems a bit extreme, I dont know if what is worst case or if it is actually six months.

Have you actually spoken to the registry office to try and make an appointment or is this just hearsay?

You don't make it clear whether you're just being told its a six month wait by people you know, or if the registry office themselves have told you that.

It seems a bit odd that there would be a six month wait. What if you wanted to get married next month and there was a date free? How would they fill it?

savvy

kimbyanne wrote: »

At no point, have I even started to "plan" our wedding, the thought terrifies me as I am really not in to the whole "big white wedding" and everything is just massively overwhelming.

Is there any guides on where on earth to begin?!

I hear you!!!! I even had a panic attack at a venue's wedding fair - walked into a room all set up to show you what your wedding could look like, it totally freaked me out :eek: Come out in cold sweats and feeling sick, had to cut the poor girl short that was offering to show me around, and leg it out :o:o:o I don't know what it is that freaks me out about weddings, but so far have wormed my way out of it 3 times now :rotfl:The last one was the closest I got in my 49 years - too close for comfort that!!

From my limited planning experience, I think you need to set VERY clear goals as to what you want, I wanted something intimate, partner was going all out! I can see how people can get carried away, especially by people you selling your day to you, all this 'oh but you would want everyone to have this, and you would want that' I was like h3ll no I don't thanks!!! :rotfl:

There were checklists when I was dipping my toe in, that you could alter to suit what you want...........then stick to them and don't deviate, even if the family are making you try lol This looks like a useful checklist - http://www.weddingchaos.co.uk/planning-a-wedding.asp

arbrighton

savvy wrote: »

I hear you!!!! I even had a panic attack at a venue's wedding fair - walked into a room all set up to show you what your wedding could look like, it totally freaked me out :eek: Come out in cold sweats and feeling sick, had to cut the poor girl short that was offering to show me around, and leg it out :o:o:o I don't know what it is that freaks me out about weddings, but so far have wormed my way out of it 3 times now :rotfl:The last one was the closest I got in my 49 years - too close for comfort that!!

I'm so glad I never went near a wedding fair. The very idea just brings me out in a sweat! That and knowing anything would have a huge price mark up.

When we started thinking about ours, I started a google spreadsheet and added things to it as I thought of them e.g. invitations (numbers of, when to send etc) and totted up prices/ when they needed to be paid etc. I was very lucky that sister did all the invitations making, plus the menu, place cards, seating plan etc. This was shared with mum and sister so we could all update (and my dad and OH, but they kinda just said yes dear, carry on!)

OH kind of went along with most of it once we'd decided on venue, bar the food choice! He'd have been happier with a smaller day I think.

savvy

arbrighton wrote: »

I'm so glad I never went near a wedding fair. The very idea just brings me out in a sweat! That and knowing anything would have a huge price mark up.

Oh yes, I spotted those pound signs in their eyes as they started talking to me....they soon disappeared when I started talking about a pirate cave wedding and wanting to look like Miss Haversham on my special day :rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

kimbyanne

Thanks all.

I was thinking about going to some wedding fairs - maybe not now then!

I think it will be the registry office, the one here is nice and a bit unusual. Also, I just cannot justify the cost that some venues want. Don't even get me started on the cost of food these places charge, at no other point would most people consider paying £100+ a head for a meal reasonable, yet if the word "wedding" is involved, its fair game!?! And cake, hundreds of pounds -REALLY?

I know I don't want anything formal. I can do without the big dress, the cake, the first dance, speeches, all that stuff that makes me want to run and hide.

arbrighton

kimbyanne wrote: »

Thanks all.

I was thinking about going to some wedding fairs - maybe not now then!

I think it will be the registry office, the one here is nice and a bit unusual. Also, I just cannot justify the cost that some venues want. Don't even get me started on the cost of food these places charge, at no other point would most people consider paying £100+ a head for a meal reasonable, yet if the word "wedding" is involved, its fair game!?! And cake, hundreds of pounds -REALLY?

I know I don't want anything formal. I can do without the big dress, the cake, the first dance, speeches, all that stuff that makes me want to run and hide.

Don't underestimate the work involved in a proper wedding cake. I'm a fusspot so wanted royal iced (hate fondant). I know how hard it is to even rough ice a cake. A friend was going to do it until we realised she didn't have space in her flat to build up the layers of icing over 3 days.... And the cake was actually very tasty.

We didn't have a first dance- neither of us dance and we don't have a song. Actually, the DJ might have been the only bit I would have left out of ours- noone really danced by the time the evening meal had finished.

Don't really remember a word OH said in speeches and the only bit I remember of BIL as best man was the implication I'm bossy aka make the decisions (as OH doesn't!)

I don't regret shelling out for proper photographs at all though. Very few were posed and stilted- photojournalist style is what I believe they call it

We hired a town hall plus registrar for the actual marriage bit. Definitely worth it as our register office isn't that pretty. Hall was I think £120 plus whatever the fee to get the two registrar ladies was


Oh, and I said, up until we actually got engaged and starting thinking about it that I'd be happy with just reg office, witnesses, meal, done. But, actually, it was a lovely day and lovely memories