Ten minutes from home ...

tibawo

Not been on for a while and have realised I tend to use my diary more of a sounding board and place to rant to get things off my chest.


I am in tears again, I am just so stressed and not sleeping. Yes I am mentally beating myself up again but it's just a lot of little things have knocked me slightly and then problems with the car have just blown everything up out of proportion. There was a 'pat, pat' sound in the car that sounds a bit like a flat tyre but air pressure was fine. I set off for work today as if i don't work I don't get paid and if i don't get paid then I can't take it in to fix. However in the back of my mind is that driving with it may make it worse so after tears welling up I decided to take it to my local tyre place. I had literally £60. He actually asked me if i was ok as he could tell i was not my normal self. The back wheels were unbalanced and he changed one so that I could drive with peace of mind but i will need to get the two more new tyres. He reassures me that they should be ok till pay day though.


It is alright reading that it is important to have an emergency fund but i just can't seem to break free of the of living one pay day till the next. I think the light hearted side of me keeps me going as i don't even have enough money to go AWOL!


As i therefore have an expected day off I am going to tackle a few jobs in the hope i find a more happy place.

[Deleted User]

Big hugs to you, you are having a tough time of it. xx

tibawo

have to post something positive for a change... must admit i have many acquaintances but very few friends. I cherish mine especially today when one came round and helped decorate dd2 room. Stuff was bought ages ago just a matter of doing.

louby40

Car problems are the worst. But you're friend is a true friend to come and help you decorate!

Keep strong

tibawo

Thank you all. going to give it till lunch to see if been paid as it is direct transfer otherwise I am going to have to ask as i am getting stresses. Don't get me wrong boss is lovely but i feel i am incompetent keep asking.

tibawo

After a missing invoice not being paid again from mid October I am short again for my bills. I conveniently made sure i bumped into the boss today as I don't think this is on. It would seem that the new admin person says she is not getting them and putting the blame on us. Apparently, it is not just me. As there was internet I showed the boss when they were originally sent and also the fact that admin this week sent a message for invoices in October as it might be faster than her trawling through emails. The boss had no idea about this especially as she has being paying admin for a job they are not doing right. She has asked me to BCC her with invoices so she can monitor and for me to call her if monies not in on the day they should be. Hopefully this will sort 'going forward' out but still leaves me short till old invoices paid.


Linked to this is that as much as my girls understand that we are not flush with cash, her friends have 2 and/or four parent families all working. She had been invited to a sleepover party and in the car on the way home from school announced she needed to take £20 to it as they were going ice skating. You can imagine my reaction. For some people this might be easy to part with and with more than two hours notice I might have been ok with it. I am doing my best and it is alright saying you should have an emergency account but I have had to use money as fast as it comes in. So this is a shout out to other parents... please, please give the kids as much notice as possible as you don't know someone else's financial situation and there are a lot of us at the moment are living one payday to the next.

in_need_of_direction

Hi, stumbled across your diary and have read from the start as I remembered your lovely little pig and your helpful comments. You're doing well. Just top beating yourself up for not doing better. Take care.

tibawo

in_need_of_direction wrote: »

Hi, stumbled across your diary and have read from the start as I remembered your lovely little pig and your helpful comments. You're doing well. Just top beating yourself up for not doing better. Take care.

I actually think this 'beating myself up' is a personality trait I have developed as I rarely congratulate the positives and look at what went wrong and where I could better. Even as a young child in exams I would do the same. If anyone has been in a similar situation and is happy to share, please do.

in_need_of_direction

How do you think I recognise the trait?