Blackmailing ex partner wants my house or else

Guest101

paddy's_mum wrote: »

It's not. It is the price the husband expects to EXTORT from his wife in exchange for not pursuing a civil claim against someone totally separate from the marriage. A man as dishonest as this is going to keep his word in the future, is he?

By commencing divorce proceedings, the wife can scupper this plan as any disposal of assets is frozen on issue of proceedings and those assets are dealt with by the courts - who can set aside multi-million pound arrangements if they so chose, in the interests of matrimonial fair play.

A built-in protection, which is why I advocate the prompt issuing of proceedings.

I think you're looking at this from a different angle.


I see the marriage as being totally irrelevant to this situation. Divorce proceedings certainly wont scupper any civil claim against the FIL

paddy's_mum

I do see your point, too.

However, all the time the husband thinks he holds many of the cards, his threatening attempts to 'negotiate' can carry on. Once the property is taken out of the equation, his position is weakened.

In any case, I would be standing up to him since his word is less than worthless. He could swear black was white and still commence proceedings against his father in law at any time the whim takes him.

Remember, this is a man who is under a Restraining Order and chooses to ignore and flout it.

Father in law must take responsibility for his own actions but the OP needn't be overly co-operative and make it easier for him.

It might not be quite so easy to pursue someone from a British jail, hmmm?

breaking_free

paddy's_mum wrote: »

I do see your point, too.

However, all the time the husband thinks he holds many of the cards, his threatening attempts to 'negotiate' can carry on. Once the property is taken out of the equation, his position is weakened.

In any case, I would be standing up to him since his word is less than worthless. He could swear black was white and still commence proceedings against his father in law at any time the whim takes him.

Remember, this is a man who is under a Restraining Order and chooses to ignore and flout it.

Father in law must take responsibility for his own actions but the OP needn't be overly co-operative and make it easier for him.

It might not be quite so easy to pursue someone from a British jail, hmmm?

I could hug you (HUG). I need a bit of moral support and even if Guest is right and you're wrong it's nice to know you're on my side. Thank you.

TBagpuss

breaking_free wrote: »

Fully understood and I agree with you. As I've mentioned above though, the ex really has no interest in paying out money to take a civil case against my dad. He just wants to upset me. What he does want is my house in Ireland. He believes the house, and ME, to be his property. He is an abuser and this is the way abusers think.

In that case, it is relatively simple.

Report his threat to the police and give them the recordigns.

Start divorce proceedings. You can divorce him based on 'unreasonable behaviour' which does not require his consnt.
Once you start the divorce, apply to the court for a finacial order. He can make his claim agaisnt the house as part of the divorce, the court will consider what is fair in all the cisumstances, including whether you owned the house befor ethe marriage, the length of the marriage etc, and will make a final order.

This may mean he gets something from the hosue but at least you will know how much, and there will then be a claen break with his having no further claims on you.

The issue between him and your father is separate from your divorce, and while there is nothing wrong with him seeking compensation from your father as a result of the assault, it is then a purely private mattter between you and your dad as to whether you chose to help you dad to pay any damages he may be ordered to pay.

TBagpuss

paddy's_mum wrote: »

I'm pretty sure that the Court can deem papers served in circumstances where the spouse refuses to co-operate.

Secondly, in a divorce, the Court (not your estranged husband) decides what is fair given all the circumstances and I'd bet my bottom dollar that they won't allow him to walk off with 80% of the matrimonial assets.

If he categorically refuses to submit his financial details, courts generally can deal with that in a pretty common-sense and straightforward manner too.

I suspect your husband is in for a few shocks! Good luck.

He won't get 80% o the matrimonial assets, and any claim relating to the assault is a calim agaisnt OPs father, not against OP.

OP's best course of action is to proceed with her divorce and finacial setlement. Ignore any threats (other than to report to the police as appropriate).

missbiggles1

breaking_free wrote: »

I'll re-word my original statement: he refuses to grant me a divorce. He won't give me an address to serve the divorce papers and has repeatedly told me "There's no way you're getting a divorce." I will have to wait till 5 years is up and then divorce him without his consent.

You don't need his consent for you to divorce him for unreasonable behaviour.

https://www.gov.uk/divorce/grounds-for-divorce

If he's trying to buy your property then he's going to have to give you some contact information which you can then use for the divorce (without necessarily going ahead with the sale, obviously).

Let's face it, there's no reason to assume you'll have an address for him in several years' time, unless you take your own steps to get it.

breaking_free

Thank you everyone for your advice and support thus far (that includes you Guest101).

I had a call back from the solicitor - incredibly fast considering I only filled in the online form for a free 30 minute consultation a few hours ago. He told me not to waste my money on pursuing a blackmail case against the ex as it's incredibly costly. He DID however, confirm what MissBiggles said, which amazed me. Apparently I can divorce the ex without his consent on the grounds of unreasonable behaviour. I was under the mistaken impression that he had to agree to this.

The solicitor also said that I had multiple options for getting the papers served, as some of you have pointed out. I have his friend's address in Ireland that I know he's staying at (though for how long I don't know). I can serve him at the magistrate's court if I can find out which court it is and what day he is appearing. Finally, and this blew me away, he said it is possible to get the papers served to an email address; I find this astonishing. In his words, "the court can direct you how to serve the divorce papers".

So the way ahead is clear. I'm going to push forward with the divorce and pull the rug right out from under his money grabbing feet. A judge can rule on how the assets are divided (very short marriage, he made zero contribution because he was unemployed, and I have bank statements showing that I paid for everything during the marriage). I don't think he can squeeze much more out of me, though of course he will try.

Thank you to everyone who contributed. Knowing that you had my back has made this a worthwhile exercise.

paddy's_mum

TBagpuss wrote: »

He won't get 80% o the matrimonial assets

OP's best course of action is to proceed with her divorce

I didn't intend it to read that he should! I am pointing out to the OP that a divorce court is highly unlikely to order that he should be awarded 80% of this one property, which is what he is claiming as some sort of restitutional 'justice'.

I find his attitude closer to extortion than negotiation. Quite why a known criminal and violent breaker of court orders should think his promises carry any weight, I'm blowed if I can work out!

On your second point, I totally agree and had said so in an earlier post. It is perhaps relevant to the OP that where someone absolutely refuses to co-operate with the court, the court can declare papers served (even though in reality they haven't been) and go ahead regardless. Orders made in the absence of the idiotic spouse are upheld.

This husband wouldn't be the first to discover that ducking, diving and telling lies got him in a worse position than if he had worked with an estranged spouse to resolve matters with some degree of common sense.

Guest101

paddy's_mum wrote: »

I do see your point, too.

However, all the time the husband thinks he holds many of the cards, his threatening attempts to 'negotiate' can carry on. Once the property is taken out of the equation, his position is weakened.

In any case, I would be standing up to him since his word is less than worthless. He could swear black was white and still commence proceedings against his father in law at any time the whim takes him.

Remember, this is a man who is under a Restraining Order and chooses to ignore and flout it.

Father in law must take responsibility for his own actions but the OP needn't be overly co-operative and make it easier for him.

It might not be quite so easy to pursue someone from a British jail, hmmm?

If worked through with a solicitor the house sale could be arranged as part of an out of court settlement, thereby indemnifying the FIL from any future claim.


It's actually easy to claim from prison, a solicitor has full rights of audience and can represent their client without their attendance.


But I do agree with other points of what you say

Guest101

breaking_free wrote: »

Thank you everyone for your advice and support thus far (that includes you Guest101).

I had a call back from the solicitor - incredibly fast considering I only filled in the online form for a free 30 minute consultation a few hours ago. He told me not to waste my money on pursuing a blackmail case against the ex as it's incredibly costly. He DID however, confirm what MissBiggles said, which amazed me. Apparently I can divorce the ex without his consent on the grounds of unreasonable behaviour. I was under the mistaken impression that he had to agree to this.

The solicitor also said that I had multiple options for getting the papers served, as some of you have pointed out. I have his friend's address in Ireland that I know he's staying at (though for how long I don't know). I can serve him at the magistrate's court if I can find out which court it is and what day he is appearing. Finally, and this blew me away, he said it is possible to get the papers served to an email address; I find this astonishing. In his words, "the court can direct you how to serve the divorce papers".

So the way ahead is clear. I'm going to push forward with the divorce and pull the rug right out from under his money grabbing feet. A judge can rule on how the assets are divided (very short marriage, he made zero contribution because he was unemployed, and I have bank statements showing that I paid for everything during the marriage). I don't think he can squeeze much more out of me, though of course he will try.

Thank you to everyone who contributed. Knowing that you had my back has made this a worthwhile exercise.

I know it's not what you wanted to hear but I was just being pragmatic, there's little point in pushing an incorrect agenda just for you to waste time and money and achieve no result.


I'm glad others were able to help you with various different aspect of your situation, good luck.


p.s. don't count on him turning up at magistrates court. He could plead guilty by post (depending on the offence - his attendance may not be required) - and even if it is required, he could choose not to return to the UK again and therefore there's no prospect of conviction.