Keeping busy in retirement

rsdiscos

My mum has just retired from being a headteacher and I am worried she hasn't planned for the big change in her life.
My dad died suddenly 7 years ago and she has kept on working for an extra 2 years past retirement age to keep busy. She had applied for a part time position using her skills but they didn't appoint anyone and she realised it was more responsibility than she really wanted.
She is in very good health and is young at heart but really has to pushed herself in social situations as is an introvert.
She went back into teaching after having a family business so her pension is quite low.
Mum and dad always thought they would relocate but now he's gone she finds it hard to make big decisions.
I Know she needs a rest but I am worried she could get depressed without having a regular routine.
Please help with ideas
Thank you

Lily-Rose_3

I know you mean well, but does your mother want help? Has she asked you to help her find a 'social life?' Thing is, many people are happy with no social life (or just a limited one,) and are often happy alone most of the time, or with just their spouse,/children/grandkids.

Personally, I can't think of anything worse than being pushed and forced and coerced into social situations and groups and activities and so on, that I'm simply NOT interested in.

I am not rude or unfriendly, but I am not a very sociable person, and apart from the odd visit to the pub once a month, and coffee with friends once a month, and occasional visits to extended family every other month, I really can't be bothered with people most of the time. A 10 minute chat across the garden fence with neighbours is fine, but regular social situations/social events? No thanks. And hobby groups with a dozen people surrounding me, all vying to be the most popular and the most vocal? No thanks. Not for me.

And I would hate people trying to coerce me into it.

rsdiscos

I wouldn't dare coerce her. I just wanted to give her some ideas she may not have thought about. She is open to this and would tell me to !!!!!! off if I've overstepped the mark.

Detroit

Assuming your mom is looking for ideas, then I'd recommend voluntary work. There are opportunities for every level of commitment and skill set. Your mom could find a role using her teaching skills or go for something entirely new.

Most voluntary sector agencies offer training, and there are opportunities to really make a difference, as well as meeting new people.
Most places have a local volunteer bureau or council for voluntary services that would have details of the options.

If your mom wants to earn a bit extra, volunteering can also lead to paid roles, and in this sector they are often part time, due to limited funding, and very positive about employing older people.

penguingirl

My parents have both got quite involved with U3A since retirement, they do a mix of different things including book club, Spanish, trips out to restaurants and there are loads of other things available. My mum also volunteers at a charity shop one day a week and is in a choir. My dad has done some projects such as tracing family tree and photo projects.

DomRavioli

rsdiscos wrote: »

I wouldn't dare coerce her. I just wanted to give her some ideas she may not have thought about. She is open to this and would tell me to !!!!!! off if I've overstepped the mark.

The issue I think people will have is that she is an introvert - she may be going along with this because she wants to keep you happy, not to keep herself happy. Unfortunately, the only person who can tell you that is her, and if you've "persuaded" her into other things, it may not be an unbiased relationship.

Activity wise, that depends on what she wants to do, what her interests are, and what is available locally. Perhaps see what groups are available first, even things such as free courses at a local college, volunteering et al.

You need to do some research into her local area.

Lily-Rose_3

rsdiscos wrote: »

I wouldn't dare coerce her. I just wanted to give her some ideas she may not have thought about. She is open to this and would tell me to !!!!!! off if I've overstepped the mark.

DomRavioli wrote: »

The issue I think people will have is that she is an introvert - she may be going along with this because she wants to keep you happy, not to keep herself happy. Unfortunately, the only person who can tell you that is her, and if you've "persuaded" her into other things, it may not be an unbiased relationship.

Activity wise, that depends on what she wants to do, what her interests are, and what is available locally. Perhaps see what groups are available first, even things such as free courses at a local college, volunteering et al.

You need to do some research into her local area.

This was my thinking to be honest. I get what the OP is saying, but unless her mother has said specifically that she wants help finding a social life, I think she should be left alone (JMO.)

As you said, an introvert will never appreciate people suggesting they 'get out more,' and socialise more. Some people accuse introverts of being 'anti-social' miserable and boring, and when you ARE an introvert, there's nothing worse than people trying to coerce/nag/bully you into 'joining in.'

rsdiscos

Thank you for your replies. She is a member of Lions Clubs International a service organisation so she might take on more roles within this. Some of her friends are members of U3A but I'd forgotten so thanks for the reminder.

Lily-Rose_3

No offence intended at all, so I'm sorry if comes across that way, but just make sure she does want the help/encouragement, and isn't made to feel she has to socialise when she doesn't want to.

Mojisola

rsdiscos wrote: »

My mum has just retired from being a headteacher and I am worried she hasn't planned for the big change in her life.

She is in very good health and is young at heart but really has to pushed herself in social situations as is an introvert.

She went back into teaching after having a family business so her pension is quite low.

I Know she needs a rest but I am worried she could get depressed without having a regular routine.

After the stress of being a Head, she may want a few months of doing absolutely nothing. Several of my older relatives did this - had two/three months of completely suiting themselves - staying up late, having duvet days, being spontaneous about going out somewhere, eating what they fancied and having food whenever they liked rather than sticking to meal times, etc.

After a few months, they wanted more routine and company. By the following year, they all said they didn't know how they had ever found time to work because they were so busy doing a range of stuff.

If your Mum follows the same pattern, she will have the summer to chill out and can start to get involved in other things as the autumn comes on.

candlelight_2013

One of the nicest things about retirement is to know Sunday evening that you don't have to go into work on Monday morning.:)

As Mojisola says we wonder sometimes how we found time to work. We always have something to do, and also our DGD aged 23 lives with us so she keeps us young. She is at work all day but we both look forward to seeing her in the evening

Candlelightx