Anxiety affecting my life

Maureen43

Hi All

I've had difficult times and spells of anxiety in the past but thought I was now beyond all that.

Last week I had an interview for, and was offered, my dream job. However I had a massive panic attack after the interview and severe anxiety about the additional responsibility and ended up turning it down.

The anxiety took me completely by surprise as I thought that was in the past. Now I feel it is taking over my whole life in that I have sabotaged something which could have been really good for me.

If you think I have been idiot please keep those thoughts to yourself as I have thought it too....what I am after now is constructive suggestions on how I can deal with this anxiety once and for all. I don't want to go down the GP/medication route so really need some counselling/CBT I suspect.

I have a heavy heart at the moment.
M.

Dill

There are some great self-help books available, if you don't want to go down the medication route.

This one for example is a 'books on prescription' publication and is often available in libraries, as well as bookstores:

https://www.waterstones.com/book/overcoming-anxiety/helen-kennerley/9781849018784

krlyr

I wasn't aware until recently that you now self-refer for CBT on the NHS. Maybe have a Google for your local services or ask at your GP for details.

Upsidedown_Bear

Hello :wave:

Of course you're not an idiot :A
You have my sympathy as I have anxiety too.

You might find this useful.
Anxiety Forum

Detroit

Maureen43 wrote: »

Hi All

I've had difficult times and spells of anxiety in the past but thought I was now beyond all that.

Last week I had an interview for, and was offered, my dream job. However I had a massive panic attack after the interview and severe anxiety about the additional responsibility and ended up turning it down.

The anxiety took me completely by surprise as I thought that was in the past. Now I feel it is taking over my whole life in that I have sabotaged something which could have been really good for me.

If you think I have been idiot please keep those thoughts to yourself as I have thought it too....what I am after now is constructive suggestions on how I can deal with this anxiety once and for all. I don't want to go down the GP/medication route so really need some counselling/CBT I suspect.

I have a heavy heart at the moment.
M.

Oh what a shame!

Please don't be too hard on yourself, you went to the interview and obviously impressed the panel, and when prone to anxiety, this achievement is huge in itself.

Are you able to pinpoint the source of your anxiety?

You obviously coped with the interview well, but say it was the thought of the responsibility. Can you break this down into what exactly this is about?
Do you feel you aren't sufficiently experienced for the role for example? If so, maybe it just wasn't the right time for this move and your feelings of anxiety were to protect you making a mistake.

Or is it a general lack of self confidence, which you may need to address by building self esteem (loads of self help available for this, and groups too)

Sometimes though, when we achieve something that is our 'dream' we self sabotage, as this avoids the risk of failure or disappointment. This is actually quite common.

As you've a history of anxiety, it may be none of these things, and be purely health related. I think it would be sensible to at least chat to your GP. It doesn't have to be meds, you could be referred for counselling that may be very helpful.

I'm sorry you're feeling sad, but if theres no chance you can contact them and change your mind, this will have to be the one that got away.
Don't waste time on regret, focus on getting yourself into the best mental shape so you'll be equipped for your next opportunity.

TheEffect

Maureen43 wrote: »

Hi All

I've had difficult times and spells of anxiety in the past but thought I was now beyond all that.

Last week I had an interview for, and was offered, my dream job. However I had a massive panic attack after the interview and severe anxiety about the additional responsibility and ended up turning it down.

The anxiety took me completely by surprise as I thought that was in the past. Now I feel it is taking over my whole life in that I have sabotaged something which could have been really good for me.

If you think I have been idiot please keep those thoughts to yourself as I have thought it too....what I am after now is constructive suggestions on how I can deal with this anxiety once and for all. I don't want to go down the GP/medication route so really need some counselling/CBT I suspect.

I have a heavy heart at the moment.
M.

I haven't got much to add, apart from about 6 months ago, I applied for a dream job, got a telephone interview which I passed, was asked to come in for an interview with the managers, the day before the interview, panic/anxiety set in and I withdrew my application, so you're not alone.

Don't ever regret your actions, it's too late to change them. Put everything down to a life lesson, and move on. Look towards the future.

Lamentation

I cannot post links as a new user, even to my own MSE posts. However, if you look at my posting history and find my first post, you will see lots of helpful advice from many posters on your specific issue.

Also, I found the books on Constructive Living by David Reynolds very insightful because there is an emphasis on accepting the emotions but not acting on them, the focus is on behaviour and effort, (doing activities anyway when you are least in the mood for them).

Example quotes, 'it is unnecessary to 'fix' feelings or become 'comfortable' with an activity before undertaking it' and 'Feelings send us important messages about what needs to be done in our lives. Don't forget that they are NOT the ONLY messages; they should not be the only determinants of our behavior. So working to "fix" feelings, instead of working to notice them and understand their messages, is a mistake'.

There is info on websites about this approach. It's a relatively harsh message for western sufferers of poor mental health as it comes from the Eastern philosophy which is dismissive of how self-centred, immature and selfish sufferers become, emphasises taking responsibility for our behaviour, the concept of service (doing things even if we don't want to), wants people to stop dwelling on their past traumas and focus on the present, do what needs to be done despite our moods, etc.

System

I'd second the idea of self referring, i do beleive there is a online CBT course you can acess at home if you are referreed (http://www.fearfighter.com/ ). Otherwise the site http://www.nopanic.org.uk/ has a lot of good information and advice.

Personally my anxiety is linked to my bipolar disorder and the new anti depressent ive started taken has reduced my anxiety tenfold. I haven;t had a panic attack since started it :j but i understand you said you don;t want medication (just saying it can sometimes work)

LostandAfraid

Maureen43 wrote: »

Hi All

I've had difficult times and spells of anxiety in the past but thought I was now beyond all that.

Last week I had an interview for, and was offered, my dream job. However I had a massive panic attack after the interview and severe anxiety about the additional responsibility and ended up turning it down.

The anxiety took me completely by surprise as I thought that was in the past. Now I feel it is taking over my whole life in that I have sabotaged something which could have been really good for me.

If you think I have been idiot please keep those thoughts to yourself as I have thought it too....what I am after now is constructive suggestions on how I can deal with this anxiety once and for all. I don't want to go down the GP/medication route so really need some counselling/CBT I suspect.

I have a heavy heart at the moment.
M.

Please do not think of yourself as an idiot, not for one second because you are most certainly not one.

Anxiety is a horrible thing to live with, I am currently in a huge setback with it myself and it truly does affect your life in the most miserable way.

In our area you can self refer for CBT, in fact the GP told me it's the way you have to do it now and they don't do it for you anyway,she was however able to give me details of where to refer myself to, failing that google your local MIND who should be able to point you in the right direction for self-referral.

Some people find mindfulness useful although it takes some practice and is often more beneficial if you have a therapist to guide you with it, still worth looking on youtube though and having a listen.

Also there are a huge amount of self help books and audios available so try having a look on somewhere like Amazon as a starting point to find something that you think suits you, personally I like Dr Claire Weekes books but there is a lot of choice out there.

Good luck

Top_Girl

I sympathise.

I suffer from anxiety dreadfully at times (very turbulent childhood) and it's hard to drag myself back into what is actually happening. I'd recommend looking into mindfulness. Retraining your thoughts is immeasurably useful.

[Deleted User]

Self refer for CBT (Or go via the GP; they won't bite) and combine it with some mindfulness meditation to calm your mind down.

A good start is the headspace app or a book with a CD (https://www.amazon.co.uk/Mindfulness-practical-guide-finding-frantic/dp/074995308X/)

Neither are a magic bullets, but they will provide you will mental tools you can use to help yourself.