what would you do?

Newdirections

Obviously I can't put all the details down here. I was hoping to get some advice on the general scenario...

Husband and wife are married for a number of years (mostly happily married, some ups and downs). Husband smokes throughout the marriage and uses drugs very occasionally. Wife is not happy about it but has long given up trying to ask him to quit smoking. After 6 years being married, Wife cheats on husband. Husband finds out and spirals into a depression and becomes a habitual drug user - he doesn't want to leave his wife but can't forgive her either so living together becomes impossible for both parties. Wife tries to help him fix drug addiction but there is little effort from his side. She cannot live with his emotional abuse and depression any longer so wants to ask him to leave the property and get a divorce. However, She also feels responsible for his addiction and is not sure where he will go or if he will be able to get clean.

What might you do in this situation?

elsien

Why can't she leave the property and find somewhere else to live?

If he's depressed he's going to have no motivation to get his act together and go elsewhere plus he's clearly holding her responsible (whether she is or not), presumably he has as much right to the property as she does, and she's the one who's finding the situation intolerable.

It's not about rights or wrongs; if she can't live like that and he does not want to leave then she needs to take steps to get herself in a better situation. Even if that means upping sticks and starting again elsewhere.

Pixie5740

Wife isn't responsible for his drug addiction. Her cheating was just an excuse for him to use more drugs. If he doesn't want to do anything about his addiction then there's nothing she can do to help. It sounds as though they're living in a toxic environment so splitting up is probably the best solution for both of them.

Newdirections

wife would leave the property if she could but it is a bit complicated. Property was bought outright by wife's parents and the couple pay every month an informal kind of mortgage. They are behind on payments due to neither party being able to hold down proper jobs (due to stress of relationship), which is unfair to wife's parents. Ideal scenario is to rent the property out in the short term so wife's parents aren't out of pocket, but it leaves husband with no where to go. There is a potential solution is for wife to move back in with parents for a bit so she can at least work without too much stress, but this puts massive burden on wife's parents.

Pixie5740

Who is named on the deeds of the property? The parents which makes the wife and husband tenants? Couldn't the parents just sell the property or get reliable tenants in? That's what I would do if I were them since neither wife or husband is capable of paying the rent.

Alikay

With the cheating, drugs use and emotional abuse, there doesn't seem to be much worth salvaging from the marriage. What would I do? Split up (who leaves the property depends on various factors such as children, whether it's owned or rented, and by whom etc) and get divorced.

Newdirections

no the wife is named on the deeds.

hazyjo

Newdirections wrote: »

wife would leave the property if she could but it is a bit complicated. Property was bought outright by wife's parents and the couple pay every month an informal kind of mortgage. They are behind on payments due to neither party being able to hold down proper jobs (due to stress of relationship), which is unfair to wife's parents. Ideal scenario is to rent the property out in the short term so wife's parents aren't out of pocket, but it leaves husband with no where to go. There is a potential solution is for wife to move back in with parents for a bit so she can at least work without too much stress, but this puts massive burden on wife's parents.

No, the ideal scenario is not to rent the property out - they need rid. Sell, split the proceeds, and pay the parents back (plus the overdue rent).


I love the way everyone blames everyone else for their problems. If that 'mortgage' was with a bank, they'd not be owing money. They are taking advantage. As above, the relationship sounds toxic.


Jx

Newdirections

wife has offered to sell. wife's parents have stated that they would like both parties to move on and rent out the property so the child can hold onto the property.

elsien

If they have been married for 6 years and the house is in wife's name then it becomes a marital asset in any divorce proceedings/financial agreement. Holding on to property may not be an option anyway, regardless of what parents want.
Is there any sort of formal agreement drawn up with parents, are they also named on the deeds? Wife may be wanting to take legal advice to check the position she is actually in, as opposed to the position she and her parents would like her to be in.

Person_one

Wife should probably go and move back in with her parents, in the short term at least. She's the one who has somewhere else she can stay and wants to separate, it doesn't sound like he has the ability or the motivation to find somewhere else. Its also the decent thing to do as she is the one who has cheated.

Then she should go and see a solicitor asap and get the ball rolling on a divorce.

If the house is in her name, its a marital asset and unless the parents have a charge on it then they've been a bit silly in thinking of it as theirs. It will be taken into account for the financial side of the divorce and also for any benefit claims either may make.