Bit of a family crisis. In fact a massive one.

fairy_lights

What a strange thing for a family to be in a 'massive crisis' about.
Son moves abroad for work, doesnt particularly like his job but sticks with it because the money is good, visits family a few weeks of the year, wife gets pregnant.
Nothing particularly crisis worthy there?
And why on earth is it a 'horrible twist' that his wife got pregnant?
Sounds like B is enjoying creating drama.

apeshape

pebbles88 wrote: »

Why are you involving yourself then? D

He's a friend that goes back a long way and wouldn't want to see him crash and burn.

You know, they aren't a religious family as such just close knit. Although I haven't seen B's letter as such, he's verbally surmised it and insists that he did not use the word 'abort' but more expressed reservations about the situation for the good of the unborn kid, rightly or wrongly.

Maybe it was ignorant of B butting in like that (B has 0 kid experience for the record) or it was an emotional response to a stressful situation (which we have all fu** up on to put it mildly)

Suffice to say, explaining how bad life is out there for A and wife would take several paragraphs, so I'll put it in one. Very bad 'nuff said.

So forget A, B. It's the unborn kid that I feel is the victim in all of this. Just my opinion.

Person_one

apeshape wrote: »

He's a friend that goes back a long way and wouldn't want to see him crash and burn.

You know, they aren't a religious family as such just close knit. Although I haven't seen B's letter as such, he's verbally surmised it and insists that he did not use the word 'abort' but more expressed reservations about the situation for the good of the unborn kid, rightly or wrongly.

Maybe it was ignorant of B butting in like that (B has 0 kid experience for the record) or it was an emotional response to a stressful situation (which we have all fu** up on to put it mildly)

Suffice to say, explaining how bad life is out there for A and wife would take several paragraphs, so I'll put it in one. Very bad 'nuff said.

So forget A, B. It's the unborn kid that I feel is the victim in all of this. Just my opinion.

Just your opinion, and one that its never a good idea to voice!

It doesn't matter if the letter didn't specifically say 'abort', what else did he mean when he's telling a pregnant woman that he doesn't think its a good idea to have a baby? Adoption maybe I suppose, but the basic rule that he needs to learn is that you don't stick your nose into other people's reproductive choices! You can think its a bad idea all you want, but unless its a situation that warrants reporting to social services you keep your thoughts to yourself!

What's so terrible about the situation for the kid anyway? Parents are adults, married, have a few financial issues but who doesn't? Their biggest problem seems to be their family members who live in a different country but still want to interfere in their lives!

Pollycat

apeshape wrote: »

He's a friend that goes back a long way and wouldn't want to see him crash and burn.

I think that ship sailed the moment he sent the email to A's wife.

apeshape wrote: »

You know, they aren't a religious family as such just close knit. Although I haven't seen B's letter as such, he's verbally surmised it and insists that he did not use the word 'abort' but more expressed reservations about the situation for the good of the unborn kid, rightly or wrongly.

Wrongly.

apeshape wrote: »

Maybe it was ignorant of B butting in like that (B has 0 kid experience for the record) or it was an emotional response to a stressful situation (which we have all fu** up on to put it mildly)

It was really none of his business.

apeshape wrote: »

Suffice to say, explaining how bad life is out there for A and wife would take several paragraphs, so I'll put it in one. Very bad 'nuff said.

But it is their life to live.

apeshape wrote: »

So forget A, B. It's the unborn kid that I feel is the victim in all of this. Just my opinion.

As other posers have pointed out, it won't be the first child born into a not-ideal situation.
Should every woman who becomes pregnant and doesn't have a perfect home life with an adoring husband and lots of dosh in the bank be advised that 'under such difficult circumstances for both of them it may not be time to be starting a family'?

It seems a pretty unanimous opinion on this situation (and believe me, that's pretty rare on this board) that B has behaved badly.

pigpen

the family wasnt told about the pregnancy because it is none of their business.. the sibling has absolutely no right to tell someone carrying what is essentially a fully formed baby who will have a reasonable chance of survival if it arrives in a few weeks.. interfering toad trying to tell his sister-in-law to get rid of her baby and she shouldn't be pregnant.. I'd have torn strips off the sibling and probably never spoken to them again... mind your own business and tell your friend the same.

The family sound controlling and I'm not surprised the better option is staying in a country where they are maybe not really happy..

You, as a friend, need to stay well out of it... your friend needs to mind their own business and stop trying to tell the inlaws what to do .. live their own life.. it isn't like anything criminal is going on..

you should all get on with your own lives without trying to guilt trip the one overseas into doing what everyone else thinks they should be doing before that whole family unit is lost to the family at home..

FBaby

Suffice to say, explaining how bad life is out there for A and wife would take several paragraphs, so I'll put it in one. Very bad 'nuff said.

Yet it's the core of the matter. Where could he be that is so bad, yet wife has been there for years and somehow remaining safe, yet it wouldn't be for a baby?

How well can the family really know how bad it is? Surely if it was THAT bad, wife would come back with baby, sibling A in tow or not?

AylesburyDuck

apeshape wrote: »

Suffice to say, explaining how bad life is out there for A and wife would take several paragraphs, so I'll put it in one. Very bad 'nuff said.

.

TBF though its kind of the Crux, and a very bad nuff said doesnt help, whats ones * bad * is anothers *meh could be worse* . Unless of course your talking about Korea, then yikes!

theoretica

apeshape wrote: »

He's a friend that goes back a long way and wouldn't want to see him crash and burn.

You know, they aren't a religious family as such just close knit.

So your friend has messed up big time in a close knit family. I would suggest that the best way to support him is to keep off a topic which is nothing to do with you, but remind him through actions that he has friends not involved in this mess.

Gavin83

If I was in sibling B's position I'd be replying to the emails to say they aren't to contact him again under any circumstances. The whole family sound like a nightmare, he needs to cut them off.

He shouldn't have sent the email and it he feels the need he should apologise but then forget they exist.

thorsoak

Well I don't think that baby will be named after uncle! If you are a friend of sibling B, then you should tell him (1) what you did wasn't just wrong, it was horrendously wrong - and if he doesn't see that, then he is a fool.

As for the parents of A & B - they are acting in a totally irrational and childish way - no wonder A only comes home for a couple of weeks at most - three of my children - all married with children - live abroad and I consider myself extremely lucky if I see them and the children for more than a week or so each year - and the last time that I had them all together was for my dear OH's funeral - but I know that they are all working and thriving, that they love me and each other and that should be sufficient for any parent.