Hi

lonelyguy

Hi everyone
It's been a long time since I posted on here.
Since I posted last time, my wife and I have separated and recently found out she is getting remarried. I don't hold this against her at all - she needs to move on and I wished her happiness in her new life.

Thing is, we've been separated for a couple of years now and I just feel so lonely and lack so much direction. I've tried meeting people but am quite shy and lack a lot of self confidence.
I just feel pretty low and ugly right now. I don't feel like I know where I'm going or what I want anymore.

I have friends that I see and that's fine but miss the company of a partner but at the same time don't know if I'm ready for a relationship. I know I can't have it both ways so I feel I'm better of single rather than messing anyone around.

Just don't want to feel so alone anymore I've lost everything I thought my life had and don't know how to move forwards

Thanks for reading and sorry for being so glum!

mellymoo74

Didn't want to read and run
Of course your ex getting remarried has upset you that's normal

How long have you been feeling this low?
Have you been to see your gp?

pickledonionspaceraider

Hi there,

Didn't want to read and run, and not really sure what you are looking for from your post as you don't ask specific advice ,just seem to want a chat in general, which is cool

Can we refocus on what you DO have - are you mostly healthy? You say you have friends. Do you have employment and a roof over your head?

lonelyguy

Thanks for the replies.
I guess that yes, I did come on to let some feelings out before they overflowed rather than specific advice. If this isn't really the right approach then counselling may be better. Just needed to feel connected to the world somehow now so general chat

I guess I've been starting to feel low the last couple of months.
I actually quit my job recently as I didn't feel like I could cope and needed a fresh start. I am a qualified professional so can find work easily enough and have enough savings for 6 months to a year.

I miss the physical side I guess. I'm not just referring to sexsex. I mean just someone to be close to on the sofa etc...

There are so many positives to my life. I do have a roof over my head, family, friends, my health, my senses. I should be more grateful - just feeling a bit deflated!

I think maybe I should just go to sleep... Lol. Things always seem better in the morning right?

aqua111

Many of us have been through divorce and have felt worthless and lonely as you do.
These feelings will lessen and you will meet another partner when you are ready.
Good luck for the future and keep posting if it helps.

indsty

Hope you feel a bit better this morning. I always think it is important that before you "look" for another partner, you must be content being on your own. For now, maybe try and concentrate on living just for yourself, finding a job you enjoy, pasttimes that give you pleasure, a home that is comfortable and where you want to be. It may be a cliche but "learn to love yourself" "be yourself" and then good things tend to follow.

pendragon_arther

I went through all this a while back. One way I got through it was to read self-help books. Another was to go to adult evening classes where I met people who had similar interests. I made friends which boosted my self esteem no end.

bugslet

I see besides missing company, you say you are lacking direction - something we all go through at some point.

Perhaps if you can find something that floats your boat interest wise, something you've wanted to do before but never had time or something you gave up, might help give you a bit more direction. I think if you are unhappy in yourself, people often pick that up subconsciously.

I'm not sure if giving up work is necessarily a good thing, work gives you structure and company with colleagues, stops you dwelling on things too much. Maybe some part time work or voluntary work in something that interests you might help?

Most of all remember that you have been loved once, so you can be loved again and everything changes, this is just a phase you are going through, it will get better.

Guest101

I'd try a hobby. Often we leave them behind as we go from teenage years, to 20's, 30's, etc.


Was there something you loved to do, but life got in the way?


I've rediscovered old hobbies and really enjoy it (when I have time - but I make sure I get some time every week)

Detroit

I would recommend you keep as busy as possible.
If you can face it, get back to work, to keep you occupied and to meet new people, if not for financial reasons.
Spend your time usefully. Accept you will feel bad for a while, and will need to ride it out till it passes, so you may as well use that time productively as not. It'll pass quicker.
Decorate, get fit, do some volunteer work, whatever might seem like time well spent.
Accept every invitation and opportunity offered to you, even if your expectations are low.
The more things you do, the better your chance of finding something that makes you feel better.

Poor_Single_lady

Good luck with feeling better. I think summers can be hard times. Everyone thinks christmas is the hardest time but summers can make you feel low. Especially if your hobbies/pastimes are more winter-centric. Find things that you love and stick to them like glue. It will help.
I am also big fan of self help books.