Who pays for headstone and buriel of ashes

MissLE

Mojisola wrote: »

I agree with the above posts. The funeral costs have to come out of the estate but burial of ashes and headstones are an optional extra.

If his family want the ashes disposed of this way, suggest that they share the cost between themselves. Otherwise, offer to scatter the ashes or let one of them keep them.

The funeral wasn't the problem it's the ashes & headstone which I am being told has to come out of his money but the funeral has already come out & we have been giving the rest as inheritance I wanted to know if legally we have to pay it.

Mojisola

MissLE wrote: »

The funeral wasn't the problem it's the ashes & headstone which I am being told has to come out of his money but the funeral has already come out & we have been giving the rest as inheritance I wanted to know if legally we have to pay it.

No. There are rules about how a body is disposed of but no legal requirements about what happens to the ashes.

The headstone is an optional extra - let those who want it pay for it.

BarryBlue

MissLE wrote: »

The funeral wasn't the problem it's the ashes & headstone which I am being told has to come out of his money but the funeral has already come out & we have been giving the rest as inheritance I wanted to know if legally we have to pay it.

I have to agree with what several others have said. The headstone and burial of ashes are not part of the funeral and there is absolutely no obligation to have either. You can leave the ashes with the funeral director and they will normally keep them for as long as you wish. They should only be released to whoever organised and paid for the funeral.

If you collect the ashes there is no requirement to spend another penny if you don't want to. Ashes can be buried, scattered or kept in the cupboard under the stairs if you wish. However, the burial option would bear a cost of the plot, a box, and an inscribed stone slab.

The choice is absolutely down to you; if you don't want to pay for the burial option, then don't.

antrobus

MissLE wrote: »

Thank you. There was no estate (he rented a room) & no will only a pension scheme that agreed to pay for the funeral only and then gave the rest of the money to my brother & me as benificarys. To all you rude people would just like to say I am only 26 my father was 54 and am unsure about these things as I'm sure many of you probably were at 26!!

Ah, that makes things much simpler. You have absolutely no liability to pay anything.

Refer anyone who says otherwise to the reply given in Arkell v Pressdram.

Keep_pedalling

If they want to inter the ashes and have a memorial stone, then they can sort them out and pay for them. If I were you I would simply scatter the ashes and not bother with a memorial stone, especially as everyone was estranged from him and no one is liable to visit the stone or maintain it.

Hermia

Keep_pedalling wrote: »

If they want to inter the ashes and have a memorial stone, then they can sort them out and pay for them. If I were you I would simply scatter the ashes and not bother with a memorial stone, especially as everyone was estranged from him and no one is liable to visit the stone or maintain it.

I once had to scatter the ashes of someone with a rather troublesome family. I just did it, took a picture of the spot and sent everyone a letter enclosing a copy of the photo and with instructions on how to find it. I felt that at least it meant that anyone who wanted to make peace with the deceased or have a place to visit would know where to go. I later heard that a couple of people had visited.

pollypenny

No one has been rude, Miss LE but answered what you asked.

And you did say that you are paying for the funeral 'from money we are inheriting'.

TBagpuss

As others have said, you don't have any obligation at all to pay for a headstone or burial of ashes.

I would suggest that you and your sister write to the relatives who are chasing you and tell them that you have no plans to arrange for burial of the ashes or for a headstone or other memorial but that if they wish to arrange and pay for interment of the ashes then you are happy to consider any proposals, and that equally you are happy to consider any suggestions about scattering of the ashes. Or if neither f you has any strong feelings about ha happens to the ashes, you could simply say that you would be happy to authorise release of the ashes to the relatives to make their own arrangements.

If you can think of anywhere which was meaningful to him you could make enquiries about scattering the ashes there, and then let people know where.

getmore4less

what was included on the funeral bill?

Some FD will act as single point of contact.

extra cars, flowers, wake(including bar) etc.

how over the top did they go?

my view is internment in a simple plot would be reasonable(if that is what you would like) a mausoleum not.

HMRC have guidelines that they will allow deductions from IHT in line with reasonable expenses for the status of the person.

what you think is reasonable could be in line with that or even tighter as HMRC can be generous.

if they went over the top with the funeral then not unreasonable to stop paying out.


IF the money is not estate money then foxtrot Oscar.

you have already been generous if the money was coming from outside the estate.

PasturesNew

I'd say mostly what the above say .... and add that there's no need to do a thing with the ashes right now if you don't want to.

Many sit at the funeral director's for years. Just check with them if there are any storage charges (might not be).

So, do nothing and wait until some future point when you feel you're ready to do something with them instead of being rushed into it ... maybe in 5 years' time or something.