Partner fired right before I started maternity leave :(

melibu1984

Deleted%20User wrote: »

Recruitment Agencies can make people feel worse often whilst trying to push their own less than perfect opportunities because they have something to hide too - go direct to an employer where possible, 'bottom of the ladder' where it requires it if the need is so great.

(Some will appreciate honesty, some won't.) He just has to find out what works in getting it across and practise talking about it, perhaps it's actually far tougher for those who have never had to sell in their career.

(I sincerely hope he wasn't made redundant really and that this isn't his way of coping to say sacked.)

Your fella needs to pep himself up - here's hoping it might just happen when he meets baby for real better times ahead.

Yes, one of the worst things about job hunting is the recruitment agencies

He is very excited about meeting our son, we are getting impatient. Hopefully you are right!

melibu1984

undaunted wrote: »

Temping may be worth a try, though agencies may also be dubious under the circumstances. If you think he's becoming depressed could you suggest a visit to the Dr perhaps? Although a foot up his backside given the situation did also cross my mind to be honest, as Tomtontom says you have a child on the way & he needs to get a grip particularly as he's the one who has landed you in this mess - even if the reason is true what was he thinking going against established protocol without reference to anyone when still very new to the job?


I don't think he's necessarily lieing about why he was fired but it seems unlikely to me he was fired for gross misconduct and given 3 months pay - you don't have any entitlement to notice if fired for gross misconduct - so perhaps he is lieing about that in order to ease your money worries whilst pregnant?

He definitely received the money, he was paid on Friday and paid 2 months rent in advance. We did not have enough savings for that. I've also heard him telling a recruiter that it was gross misconduct, so I do not believe he was lying about the reason either, or that would be a counter productive thing to say.

He has a tendency to panic when faced with a bad situation, and I think that's why he made a really bad decision without thinking about it. I've seen him do it before, professionally and personally, but never as bad as this. Obviously there is no excuse for it, I just want him to move forward as much as he can and learn from this.

iammumtoone

melibu1984 wrote: »

Unfortunately, I can only cut back on the sky tv which is £32 roughly. Everything else is essential or in contract.

£32 is a weeks shopping. more if you are careful.

You might think you can't cut back, post your SOA on the debt free board, you will be surprised what the experts over there will come back with. I recommend you calculate it on what your situation will be ie 2 adults one baby, one (worst case) wage.

it is brought now but £500 for a pram is a lot of money, I know the situation was different when you got your very generous present. If you are offered anymore help politely explain you would rather have the money and will buy secondhand whatever it is and use the rest of the money for rent/food. You may not like the thought of that but unfortunately that is going to be your reality if your OH doesn't find work, maybe that prospect might be a motivator for him.

melibu1984

iammumtoone wrote: »

£32 is a weeks shopping. more if you are careful.

You might think you can't cut back, post your SOA on the debt free board, you will be surprised what the experts over there will come back with. I recommend you calculate it on what your situation will be ie 2 adults one baby, one (worst case) wage.

it is brought now but £500 for a pram is a lot of money, I know the situation was different when you got your very generous present. If you are offered anymore help politely explain you would rather have the money and will buy secondhand whatever it is and use the rest of the money for rent/food. You may not like the thought of that but unfortunately that is going to be your reality if your OH doesn't find work, maybe that prospect might be a motivator for him.

We don't mind getting secondhand stuff, we have some already but we thought those particular things should be brand new. We were standing in babies r us, prepared to pay for it ourselves, and his dad handed us a wad of cash and we really have everything we will need for the next 6 months, except a baby bath, but one of my friends got me a £20 mothercare voucher. My best friend brought over two boxes of toys, clothes, baby wipes, nappies.... I'm actually scared to think of how much she spent on us! She's also told us about mum2mum markets as well

Will post the budget, maybe someone will see something I didn't!

paddyrg

The circumstances of the firing don't make sense, either it was genuine gross misconduct (gone in a heartbeat, no package /especially/ for someone who only started a few months before (no reason needed to dump someone up to 2 years)), or wasn't. What does the paperwork say? There must be paperwork. It can't be GM without it. And if there isn't, well it's not anything to get in the way of job applications.

What he needs now it's any job, immediately. Any job at a bar, flipping burgers, making coffee, etc is going to 1) bring some cash in 2) get him back in the world 3) motivate him to go for a load of IT work more than paying games and 4) help cover the career gap.

FBaby

This is the query on the other forum (MN), why would they give him such a generous package for GM? I don't know the answer, bit something isn't right.

Most likely, as OP has pointed out, they were very happy with his work prior to the incident and actually do feel sorry for him knowing his personal circumstances, accept that it was out of character and just a silly error, but just can't keep him because of what he has done, so they were trying to help as much as they could.

OP, your OH is most likely rendered paralysed in his thought process as a result of fear, shame, disappointment and guilt. What would probably help him most is to make him realise that although the situation looks scary, it is not the end of the world. I understand that you wouldn't want to go back to work early, but ultimately, it is an option. Look into the benefits you would be entitled to, the cuts you could make and just whatever else you can do to reassure him. This should alleviate the weight of his shoulder, giving back some energy to focus his mind on looking for something else.

sangie595

paddyrg wrote: »

The circumstances of the firing don't make sense, either it was genuine gross misconduct (gone in a heartbeat, no package /especially/ for someone who only started a few months before (no reason needed to dump someone up to 2 years)), or wasn't. What does the paperwork say? There must be paperwork. It can't be GM without it. And if there isn't, well it's not anything to get in the way of job applications.

What he needs now it's any job, immediately. Any job at a bar, flipping burgers, making coffee, etc is going to 1) bring some cash in 2) get him back in the world 3) motivate him to go for a load of IT work more than paying games and 4) help cover the career gap.

I agree with all of this. But especially the first paragraph. Why he was dismissed is critical to his chances of getting that next job, and no employer gives a three months pay package for gross misconduct unless you have incriminating pictures!!! He doesn't have incriminating pictures, does he?

I know that you don't want to make him feel worse by making him talk about it - but we can help with much better advice about how to explain it if we knew these details. Because there isn't any logic to the package of pay, so it may be easier to fix than he thinks. And just about anything is probably better than just "fired for gross misconduct".

A baby means you are now a family, not just two people who choose to live together. There will never be a "just walk away" option again for either of you - everything is now much more complicated than that. So he can't mentally walk away from you either. He needs to know that you are trying to help him, that others are trying to help him, and the person getting in the way of all this is HIM!

Show him this thread. Just put it in front of him and tell him to read it.

Getting dismissed isn't the worst thing that can happen. Once he has a baby he will realise that there are lots of worse things that can happen, and every one of them will involve this tiny life that he is responsible for. People get dismissed and get past it. I completely hate to use the following phrase, but I can't put my finger on a better one right now.... He needs to man up, tell you and us what has happened, and let others help him.

xapprenticex

iammumtoone wrote: »

£32 is a weeks shopping. more if you are careful.

You might think you can't cut back, post your SOA on the debt free board, you will be surprised what the experts over there will come back with. I recommend you calculate it on what your situation will be ie 2 adults one baby, one (worst case) wage.

it is brought now but £500 for a pram is a lot of money, I know the situation was different when you got your very generous present. If you are offered anymore help politely explain you would rather have the money and will buy secondhand whatever it is and use the rest of the money for rent/food. You may not like the thought of that but unfortunately that is going to be your reality if your OH doesn't find work, maybe that prospect might be a motivator for him.

You dont need sky, Netflix for £6 p/m will entertain you for the duration of your maternity and much longer.

And yeah, I dont get why a pram is so expensive nowadays. Back when I was a kid our prams were just a bigger version of what you see little 6 year olds pushing their dolls in.

Xikams

Melibu1984 wrote: »

I really don't know how to get him to think more positively, as I think this would really help him with the job search.

Losing your job is extremely stressful and nothing to laugh about. It's one of the highest stressors in the Holmes and Rahe scale: http://www.women-info.com/en/wp-content/uploads/2014/04/stress-30-scale.png

What could help him is:

1. Encouraging him to give his CV or CV's a makeover. Depending on the situation, he may have more than one. It's a bit of a mountain to climb, but at the end of the day, you want to feel good about a CV.

2. Suggesting work agencies, as they are leaner towards dismissed employees. They can line up work for him, and some will also help with interview technique and CV writing.

3. Has he had a look on his company from glassdoor.com? Others may have had a similar experience. Maybe it wasn't the best company. It might not be only about him. And he's always free to leave his say, too.

4. Lots of people get fired for unfair reasons and he is definitely not the only one. The thing to learn from this is that companies have to be extremely competitive, and from this, it can help him also to be more competitive and business-minded. There are real things he can learn from the experience which will help him to become a better employee and earn more in work.

If he is starting to feel really upset about it, and it's obvious he can't really deal with it, then the best advice is to suggest he goes to the doctor and asks for antidepressants. I know, there is a stigma to it, but being depressed is no fun at all, and can lead to even bigger problems. Even if it helps a little, it helps.

melibu1984

xapprenticex wrote: »

You dont need sky, Netflix for £6 p/m will entertain you for the duration of your maternity and much longer.

And yeah, I dont get why a pram is so expensive nowadays. Back when I was a kid our prams were just a bigger version of what you see little 6 year olds pushing their dolls in.

I know we don't need sky, I am prepared to cut it if we have to, but only because we're out of contract. If we were within it, we wouldn't be able to

The pram is a cosatto, which can change from a carry cot to a pushchair, and so it will last for a few years. It also came with a carseat which will last us a year. So, in the long run, we probably saved ourselves some money. Well, we saved his dad some money!