Desperate for help.

National_Debtline

Brickwall wrote: »

Thank you for the reply. I'm aware that the debts are over 10,000, in fact one loan alone is 10,000. He has an overdraft that is being fined each time they go to collect payment plus a fine of a £1 a day, how much that's at now I don't know, there is one other debt that I know of that's about £600/£700 From what he's saying he's paying £3 a month to stepschange.

He went onto JSA in February, It was me that had to fill the claim forms for that and housing benefit in for him. He demands that I go to his house every time he gets a letter, if I don't he turns up here. I've had text messages at work wanting me to go to his on the way home.

He would meet the criteria for a debt relief order (DRO) if he has under £50 per month available after his living costs, total debt level under £20,000, and doesn't own assets worth over £1,000 or a car worth over £1,000. A DRO would mean his debts are frozen for one year and then written off if he still meets the criteria after a year. It's something to mention to him as it might help give him a light at the end of the tunnel. He can ask Stepchange about helping him to apply.

There is more information on DROs here:
www.nationaldebtline.org/EW/factsheets/Pages/debtrelieforders/droadvice.aspx#

James
@natdebtline

Anoneemoose

Brickwall wrote: »

I think part of the problem is, when he doesn't get his own way, or things don't go his way, he can become extremely aggressive, he'll smash things up, throw phones off walls, become quite abusive. Over the years I think I've given in rather than have this, but it's taking its toll on me now and I'm worn out.

Another thing that's always stuck in my mind is, my parents always said that when the time came for them to die they wouldn't worry about me, on the other hand they didn't know how he was going to cope, my dad actually said that he thinks my brother will take his own life in time to come because of the way he goes on. I've always felt it was unfair of my parents to say that to me, it's been like carrying a dead weight for years.

The top paragraph stands out to me. This is abuse. It doesn't matter that it is from a sibling as opposed to a parent or partner, for example. His behaviour is unacceptable and you have modified yours so as not to provoke an aggressive, violent reaction from him. I would suggest getting support for yourself and cutting him out of your life. Or at least keep him at a very long arm's length.