Oh god what have I done now!!!!!

silkglade

Thanks for your encourgement. I think I will have a long chat with hubby tonight and we WILL have a treats allowance as we have not had one in the 10 years we have been together and at the moment anything and everything feels like a sin and we both feel bad no matter how little is spent, when anything is spent.

barnaby-bear

silkglade wrote: »

Sorry for my rant. I feel so totally let down..... by myself.:mad:


Just wanted to let those of you that know me that I hadn't deserted you because I had become debt free, just felt too ashamed to return.

I think it's a classic trap. Think slimmer of the year and where are they now documentaries (very fat is usually the answer). It's like a diet - you can take laxitives/drink shakes instead of a proper meal - that's not a sustainable healthy eating plan.

I think it's a mind set, there are a lot of people depriving themselves and very focused with the goal of paying off the debt. When that goal / incentive has gone how do you sustain that, all the appliances are old and need replacing, all those things you put of doing time to do them etc.

A real debt-diet success is learning to have a life within a budget too. You've done it before so I'm sure it'll be doable again. But learning to maintian the diet is part of the process I think - it's when there is no debt to stop you spending the void/vacuum is filled.

Good luck.

barnaby-bear

Karmacat wrote: »

hi silkglade
I think the bit I've highlighted is really important.... what you seem to be saying is that you miss having the definite goal of moneysaving and debtcrunching. So, think about it - whats your goal? It might be a thing, or a long term move, or a fantastic holiday every year, or to fix your teeth, whatever, it doesn't matter. But you sound like you really need to establish your priorities in your life, and then what your goals are resulting from those priorities. And as somebody earlier has said, definitely don't eliminate your treats budget, you pushed too hard the first time around and fell off the wagon as a result. You haven't fallen *far*, you know, you're fine - but its a warning to take notice of, that much is true!

Great post - I think the highlighted bit is also one Sarah (IA) should remember as she's got the debt-diet equivalent of anorexia. Learning to do clothes, family days out, holidays etc, games consoles, christmas on the cheap/budgeted for so there's a structure for spending money as well as spending it when the debt stick has gone and the can-spend void appears.

silkglade

Funnily enough I said exactly the same thing to my hubby earlier today. I feel that we need to have a budget to stick to - even when we are totally debt free, We have already proved that by now being back in debt, though manageable debt.

I originally gave in and said that ok we can try without a budget for a while as hubby looked totally depressed when I mentioned the "new monthly budget" when we arrived at the debt free stage.

But I have to say (thankfully) he is now happy with the thought. Though we have learnt now that we should have a "treats" budget and his eyes almost popped out of his head when I mentioned it and that anything and everything that stays within that budget "IS NOT TO BE FELT GUILTY ABOUT" otherwise we are back at square one.

Since being together we have always had debt and always felt totally guilty about anything and everthing that has ever been a non essential spend.... Right those days must now be put behind us..... OK DEEP BREATH.... NOW I AM READY

GettingThingsDone

Hi silkglade - v.interesting post; maybe you just missed us when you got to your DFD? Anyhoo - you've done it before and you can do it again. You have all the tools and techniques at your fingertips. Maybe in a way it is good to feel a bit bad now, just to stop it happening again when you get DF. Remember the feeling and then crack on (as you are doing!).

Maybe when you are DF again, you could give yourself a 'virtual' debt to pay off which would in reality be a savings account or something. Do you have a mortgage - how about joining MFWs? That's what I'm going to do in a couple of years

Good luck! gtd

southernscouser

silkglade wrote: »

I feel totally responsible, we are supposed to be using the card for monthly food ans petrol spends and Ideally have the money already sat in savings to pay it every month when the statement is sent out.

This signals a few alarm bells for me! :think:

What if you haven't got that amount in savings? It means you will be getting into debt each month!

Have you revised a budget now you are debt free? Unless you are earning cashback I can't see any reason for putting it on the credit card, then paying it off!

I don't mean to sound all doom and gloom but if you can't afford the shopping bill outright then something has to give. Be it reducing your outgoings or increasing your debt!

You just have to decide which one it's gonna be!

silkglade

Thank you so much for your kind comments, and that is a very clever idea. thanks for that. Funnily enough we are wanting to save up for a new car, My hubby's car is a pain and always wanting work done to it. We are thinking of getting a Galaxy, obviously not a new one, probably end up with one about 6 years old.

But that is hopefully the next thing in line anyway.

silkglade

southernscouser wrote: »

This signals a few alarm bells for me! :think:

What if you haven't got that amount in savings? It means you will be getting into debt each month!

Have you revised a budget now you are debt free? Unless you are earning cashback I can't see any reason for putting it on the credit card, then paying it off!

I don't mean to sound all doom and gloom but if you can't afford the shopping bill outright then something has to give. Be it reducing your outgoings or increasing your debt!

You just have to decide which one it's gonna be!

Thank you for taking the time to respond SS, you are a very wise and respected member here and I am very grateful for your opinion.

We have an amazon card and the reason we want to use this every month is that you earn points that you can spend on amazon, we hav already had £45 worth of vouchers from them. It has gone towards my daughters birthday and has therefore saved us that much.

Yes within the next few months now that the summer hols and our expected necessary expenditure is now done we should have cash left every month.

What hubby and I will do this evening once the kids are in bed is to work out a new revised budget that includes EVERYTHING, including a TREATS budget that we have never allowed ourselves before. Hopefully that will then keep us on the straight and narrow from now on, :T

barnaby-bear

silkglade wrote: »

Thank you so much for your kind comments, and that is a very clever idea. thanks for that. Funnily enough we are wanting to save up for a new car, My hubby's car is a pain and always wanting work done to it. We are thinking of getting a Galaxy, obviously not a new one, probably end up with one about 6 years old.

But that is hopefully the next thing in line anyway.

We have real budgetting issues, basically we can't manage a budget in our heads and have to put loads of structures in place and strategies. The money free from paying back debt you are seeing in current account is not in practice all unspent or available, before you were retrospectively paying off a backlog by cutting right back for a short while, long term it doesn't work.
We have DDs go out into separate savings accounts straight after payday, they all have little names. We are looking to spend £4-5k on a second hand car in 2 years so for the past year and the next two we buy our weekly car pass (like a bus pass - PAYG) - bang goes £150 a month. The washer/telly/oven/toater/kettle/computer will all break/need replacing at some point - £50 a month (when you think a computer/bits for it lasts about 3 years - you realise just that is £20 a month). Add in insurances/haircuts/christmas/school trips/clothes/holidays and suddenly hundreds evaporate it's very sobering. But we don't get nasty surprises and we don't do car credit. I think the SoA system probably needs a different name for debt-free people because maintaining a budget and spending / enjoying money is a different skill and needs a different balance to severe cut backs (and the horrific incentive/stick that can be) to deal with a specific problem. A credit card bill you can't pay focusses the mind, being strict with yourself in a shop when there's spare money in the current account and enjoying it a different ball game. Money isn't linear spending twice as much doesn't increase what you can do / quality of life twice as much, in fact the more spare the less the spare seems to make it just gets sucked up by the odd DVD, extra meal out, tast-the-difference meal unless you watch out for the spending demon.

We don't do a treats budget but we do a having-a-life plan whereby we plan our spare time, we use TESCO deals for entry to places/discount meals, we don't turn round on a weekend and end up going round town like we used to. We look at the free events guided tours, council run gigs/festivals in the local paper. There's loads on that's free.
We did this for free this week - we could have afforded to go another time but it was free that day:
http://www.nationaltrust.org.uk/main/w-vh/w-visits/w-features-hod-07.htm

Basically we aren't very good at managing time or money so have to do written plans and budgets and find ways of thinking about it so we control it and still have a life without any ups and downs. Boring and predictible is good when it comes to money.

silkglade

Wow, really hadn't thought of it like that. kinda blew me away there for a moment, had to go off, come back and read it a second time for it to actually sink in. (sorry if you think me dim) We do not do car finance either, both our cars are fully paid for and have been since the day we got them. can't afford new ones though.... sigh.... unfortunatly have to have 2 cars cos of where we live, the kids go to school and the shifts I work. wish we only needed one though.