Had such a rubbish week

Andypandyboy

All you can do is send your sincere condolences and maybe write a letter about the person concerned if they were known to you well. We had a neighbour who comitted suicide and it stunned us all as he was the very last person you would have thought would do that.

All of us felt guilt that we had not seen it coming, as, of course, did his family. What got them through was the messages and letters of support and the sharing of memories of when he was "himself". They said that it was important to them that others had such memories and that they didn't just remember how it ended. Offers of practical help too can ease day to day jobs.

For yourself, you have to just do what these life events make us all do; re evaluate, prioritise the important things, and live life to the full.

missbiggles1

jobbingmusician wrote: »

I can't imagine someone not close enough to cook a meal for. It's a very practical way of showing support, to my mind, and I would do it for anyone - for example, someone in the same social circle who I had never spoken to before, if I heard that they had lost someone unexpectedly.

Oh phew, I've just seen that Annie said she would do it for a stranger, too.

From my own experience I have discovered that when you are very shocked, because something awful has just happened, it can be very comforting indeed to be treated almost like a child, and to be helped with the day to day mundane responsibilities like cooking.

I don't think I've come across the idea of cooking a meal for somebody who's been bereaved except in books set in the States - it makes me wonder whether it might be a regional thing.

I'm not saying it isn't a nice idea but the thought of people you don't know dropping round some food just seems odd to me. Perhaps a bottle of wine or box of chocolates might be more appropriate, or even just a card?

gettingtheresometime

H
I don't go in for many americanisms but the thought of someone turning up with a meal when my mil was dying would have been a god send - it would have meant at least one thing was crossed off the must think of that list.

sweetilemon

Life is unfair, very unfair. I lost my little girl 6 weeks ago and I get a lot of people asking what they can do. Some people gave money which we donated to the charities that helped us, some brought remembrance roses and plants which are lovely and some gave cards/poems/jewellery. It's all lovely but I do love it just when someone remembers my baby. I met someone today and I said "oh, that's for the plant" they replied, it wasn't for you, it was for your little girl. That made me smile and I came in to tell my husband. 'New' photos are also amazing...photos are now so precious that if anyone has any I don't already have its amazing when they share them. I didn't put up sympathy cards, I didn't want to look at them but the other day I got a "remembering you" card which was lovely saying just because the weeks are passing, it's just to let us know no-one has forgotten my baby girl. It was lovely to know.

AnnieO1234

missbiggles1 wrote: »

I don't think I've come across the idea of cooking a meal for somebody who's been bereaved except in books set in the States - it makes me wonder whether it might be a regional thing.

I'm not saying it isn't a nice idea but the thought of people you don't know dropping round some food just seems odd to me. Perhaps a bottle of wine or box of chocolates might be more appropriate, or even just a card?

Wow if someone brought me wine or chocolates after a bereavement I think I would wonder what planet they'd come from. They're celebratory imho, not conciliatory.

Ax

AnnieO1234

missbiggles1 wrote: »

I don't think I've come across the idea of cooking a meal for somebody who's been bereaved except in books set in the States - it makes me wonder whether it might be a regional thing.

I'm not saying it isn't a nice idea but the thought of people you don't know dropping round some food just seems odd to me. Perhaps a bottle of wine or box of chocolates might be more appropriate, or even just a card?

I've come across it within churches and from my parents neighbours. It's sort of a done thing, especially if there are kids involved too.

xxx

AnnieO1234

Nicki wrote: »

Just because OP's relationship with the family isn't close doesn't mean that she and her husband weren't close to the deceased, which would mean that their grief was completely appropriate.

Depending on the circumstances OP a card saying something nice about the deceased and showing sympathy for the family will be appreciated I'm sure. And take time yourselves to recover from the shock of a sudden death.

I just can't imagine a situation where if I was close to the deceased, unless I was their mistress or something, that I wouldn't feel close enough to their surviving relatives to cook a meal or offer some form of help.

xx

sweetilemon

gettingtheresometime wrote: »

H
I don't go in for many americanisms but the thought of someone turning up with a meal when my mil was dying would have been a god send - it would have meant at least one thing was crossed off the must think of that list.

If we hadn't been in a hospice with staff physically putting a meal in front of us and coaxing us to eat I don't think food would have been on the agenda for me at all. When it's such an emotically exhausting time, someone bringing food really does help.

duchy

One of the most comforting and helpful things I found when I lost close family were the notes and cards from people acknowledging what a loss their passing was. It was such a small thing but it really helped both at the time and looking back through them later.

NewShadow

missbiggles1 wrote: »

I don't think I've come across the idea of cooking a meal for somebody who's been bereaved except in books set in the States - it makes me wonder whether it might be a regional thing.

I'm half Irish - when someone's upset, I feed them.