Please help - dad being serially defrauded online

kazwookie

I would suggest finding things for your father to do in his country, (to keep him off the interent) Voluntary work, driving, gardening, helping out at a local school / college/ old folks home and such like.

May be discuss with him his banking and using his cards online, set the parental controls on his laptop so he cannot join these 'dating sites', explain to him what online scams are / how they work, and these 'ladies' he is 'chatting with' are def scammers, poss males etc etc

hollydays

https://www.thinkjessica.com

-taff

ou could try asking him how he'd react if a total stranger walked up to him on the street, presented their tale of woe, and he handed over money to them....
One of the troubles with relationships online is that you feel connected to someone in a far shorter time and with far less information exchanged than you would do if you met them personally.
Maybe you could ask him to only contact people who live fairly locally.
If he's done this a few times, write them all down, ask why he gave them money in each case and let him see the pattern.
Also find out if he is depressed or lonely, and get him to a doctors or enrol him in some kind of club, activity etc.

euronorris

I think the best way to resolve this, is to try and address the underlying reason for him seeking out these online relationships.


He sounds desperately lonely to be honest. So I think it would be best if you, and other family members, could get him out and into local social clubs meeting actual people, with similar interests etc. Go with him at first, if necessary, to encourage that interaction for him.


It might also be worth considering, and discussing with him, the option of moving into some kind of retirement living complex. Not because he needs care, but because he needs company.

jobbingmusician

Hmmm. I don't agree with some of these responses because they are infantilising the dad. Surely you can talk to him and sympathise with the fact that he's been ripped off, and work together to develop a way that he can socialise online without being exploited?

One way, which my dad sort of used informally when he was dating, is simply to keep the family in the loop and tell them about the women he was meeting (to some extent!) There's no real reason why his social and romantic attachments should be a secret from his children, is there? Perhaps establishing the baseline that you are really happy for him to have romantic relationships but you want to help him keep himself safe would be a start point.

zulu01

Your dad is lonely. Can you not encourage him to get involved in activities to meet women locally?

FBaby

What you need to get to the bottom of is whether he is totally naive and oblivious to what he is doing, in which case, it is about educating/safeguarding and spending time with him going over facts of how it works might be enough for him to realise that it wasn't a case of just one off unlucky situation.

Or whether he is very aware of what is happening, but somehow doesn't mind frittering his money away if it means that he is feeling less lonely in the process and corresponding with these fraudsters is making him feel entertained/excited/alive, in which case, you do need to discuss his mental health with him.

Either way, I agree that it sounds like you need to go there and spend time with him. Any chance you could go longer though as the restriction of doing so in two days might feel more like an interrogation and telling off from you rather than giving him concerned attention.

Milliebob

How is he sending the money abroad? If it's through his bank maybe let them know that he is being scammed and ask them to not let him send anymore international payments?

dw96

Again, many thanks everyone for their kind advice. How is able to go out there and spend a few days with him. While there is (sadly) no guarantees for the future, it seems he's accepted there is a real problem and he's taken our suggestions in terms of investigating/obtaining help.

He's been to the local surgery with my brother to investigate memory/dementia (seems alright). He's also going for counselling to try and find the underlying issue(s). And he seems to have accepted that dating is off the cards, at least for the time being.

Personally, I've made the commitment to support him and stay in much closer contact rather than just phone call now and then.


Regarding the question of how he's been sending money abroad: sadly if you rely upon Western Union/MoneyGram and the like, there's nothing stopping people from sending money off to fraudsters. Well, apart from a pathetic warning on the paper form...