5 Year separation divorce

sacha28

I know this has been done to death, sorry!

My OH and I have been together for 7 years, have a 4 year old DS. He is still married to his ExW, they have an 8 year old DD together. The time that they were together as a married couple was just shy of a year, she told him to leave about 2 weeks before their 1st anniversary.

Over the years divorce has been spoken about but never really acted on. To begin with she refused to consent to divorce as she didn't want anyone to know her business, then the 2 year separation passed and she said she would consent to the divorce but DP would have to file as she has no interest in paying any kind of share. At that time we were very close to bankruptcy, living on noodle sandwiches, and he was unable to afford the court costs. A year(ish) after he saw a divorce solicitor but was put off because it was put to him that, once papers were served, ExW had 7 days to consent and sign, if she missed the time frame he would have to start again and the cost would get stupid (I have no idea if this was correct advice, I have no experience of divorce) and ExW was having a......um, how to put it politely?......difficult episode at that particular time and, as a couple, we decided it was a risk too far and maybe best to wait for the 5 year separation as we believed there was no need for her to consent.

Just before xmas last year, DP saw another solicitor to instigate proceedings, believing it should be relatively simple....arrangements for their dc has been agreed and ongoing for years, they have no joint assets, DP (against my advice!) has no pension and both parties have moved on and had other dc with their respective partners. The solicitor, however, said that things are never that simple and they still need a consent order......this brought the cost up to over £2000 :eek: It was also put to his ex that, for a clean break, she would need to provide financial disclosure, this was met with a point blank refusal (no idea why, he has no interest in her finances)

Please could somebody be kind enough to tell me if an online divorce would be possible? I've got to be honest, I feel I'm living a life a la Jeremy Kyle I, effectively, live with, am engaged to, and have a child with somebody else's husband I may be coming into a little bit of money soon and I am more than happy to use it to pay court costs for him and remove this chain from around our lives (I know he is really worried about the £550 that has to be paid immediately as that is a massive amount of money to us).

nicter

http://www.wikivorce.com/divorce/

Try posting on this site. Lots of advice and support on there. Good luck

Tigsteroonie

The divorce, and the financial proceedings (consent order), are two separate legal proceedings. You can do the former without the latter, though it really isn't advisable.

The best website & forum for such issues is Wikivorce, I can personally recommend it

sacha28

Thank you for the link....I've got it up in another window so will take a look.

With regards to the financial stuff.....if Ex continues to refuse to play ball, what are DP's options? I keep playing the court case of the woman who has tried to get millions out of her ex 23 years after their divorce as he made a fortune after the divorce, in my head! We have nothing, can't ever see us becoming millionaires but you never know!!!

WillowCat

Second the advice to use wikivorce - excellent site.

With regard to the court fees, you may qualify for fee remission if you are on low income.

https://www.gov.uk/government/publications/apply-for-help-with-court-and-tribunal-fees

This would cover both the divorce and the finance application.

I agree it's a good idea to get a financial order, if your ex won't engage with your partner or refuses mediation then he has no choice but to take her to court if you want it.

You can do both the divorce and the finance application as litigant in person - you don't need to use a solicitor for any of it. Again wikivorce can help you through the steps and the advicenow website also has useful videos and guides for filling in the forms. However it can be useful to engage with a solicitor if you find one which will do the free 30 minutes to make sure there's no gotcha's in your case which would make it less straightforward.

sacha28

That's what we fear willow, we simply don't have the money to take her to court

WillowCat

sacha28 wrote: »

I keep playing the court case of the woman who has tried to get millions out of her ex 23 years after their divorce as he made a fortune after the divorce, in my head! We have nothing, can't ever see us becoming millionaires but you never know!!!

With regard to the Vince v Wyatt case you are referring to, it is correct that Ms Wyatt has won the right to bring her case for a financial order in her application to the supreme court. However, this is because Mr Vince had applied for the case to be struck out as an abuse of the court's power (due to the long delay in bringing the case meaning there was no real prospect of success). In other civil cases strike outs are allowed (defined in the Civil Procedure Rules) in these cases but no such rules exist in the Family Procedure Rules. Therefore the case was won on a 'technicality'. Only her remarriage or the existence of a prior order can legally deny her application.

However, this does not mean when she does finally make her claim that she will get very much money. They had a short marriage, no wealth was created during the marriage, and although Ms Wyatts contribution towards the child of the marriage was of course much greater the child is now an adult and therefore does not generate needs. I do hope when they go back to court the judgement is reported as it will be interesting to hear the details!

What does this mean for your partner? Well thousands of couples get divorced without getting a financial order in place. Your partner's position is not unusual. Claims for financial orders made more than six years after decree absolute very rarely succeed. Wealth created after separation is treated differently to wealth generated within the marriage and only plundered if 'needs' require it. This is most likely should it happen when his child is a minor. So it would seem unlikely you would see a problem in that limited timescale. But not of course impossible should you 'win the lottery' or receive a large inheritance. Merely getting a well paid job would be unlikely to be an issue.

In your shoes I would probably be pragmatic, get the decree nisi, and invite her to mediation with the aim of getting a clean break consent order (or one with a nominal spousal maintenance until the child is 18 as courts sometimes do not like clean break where children are involved). If she refuses let it go. Yes a risk, but you need to weigh it up against the stress of going through court.

WillowCat

sacha28 wrote: »

That's what we fear willow, we simply don't have the money to take her to court

Have you read the guide to fee remission I quoted the link to? The expensive part of the divorce is actually the divorce itself (now £550) :eek: You may be able to get this partially or fully covered. The financial application is less and this can also be covered if you qualify.

Hopefully mediation can be used to negotiate the order, and this can be covered by legal aid if you qualify. You would need to pay a solicitor to write up the order though as this is never recommended to be done DIY, (Wikivorce offer a service for £159 for the writing of the order if you don't want to use a local solicitor). I have not used this service so I can't give any indications on quality of service.

If you decide to continue, and have to go to court, advicenow has some great guides:

http://www.advicenow.org.uk/guides/how-apply-financial-order-without-help-lawyer

I went through the process as a litigant in person and although it can be (very) stressful it is perfectly OK to do it without a solicitor involved. I could not afford a solicitor as my only income is carers allowance and my new partner is on ESA.

benjus

WillowCat wrote: »

I went through the process as a litigant in person and although it can be (very) stressful it is perfectly OK to do it without a solicitor involved.

Agree with this - it is entirely possible with a bit of research to go through the court process without any legal representation, just paying the court fees. I have found many of the court staff quite helpful when it comes to navigating through the process.

I decided to have my maintenance arrangements reviewed by the court last year due to a change in circumstances. Although the original divorce and consent order had been done via a solicitor, I decided to go it alone this time (I did get some paid advice from the solicitor, as some of it was quite tricky - my ex lives abroad and I had to jump through a few hoops to serve notice correctly; this also meant that the mediation stage was skipped). I attended two hearings - a first appointment, and a Financial Dispute Resolution hearing, both without legal representation. My ex did not attend the first, but did attend the second by telephone. We managed to come to an agreement at the FDR, and the judge drafted and sealed an amendment to the original consent order.

It's definitely worth doing to put the past behind you.

sacha28

Would my OH have to pay spousal maintanence? How on earth would he be able to do that when he only earns 16k a year??!! She is in a much better position than us, she gets 4 separate CM payments from 4 separate men (this is told to partner several times a year, although I accept that she may just be saying it to goad a reaction) that amounts to nearly £800 pm which, of course, is not taken into account when her benefits are calculated. She also has a couple of ventures that are not 'official' IYSWIM.

This, of course, may be totally irrelevant, although goes some way to explaining her reluctance in disclosing her finances.

The other question that I forgot to ask......they now live 400 miles apart, which area does the petition get filed?

TBagpuss

If your partner files the divorce then he does so in his local area.
If he later issues court proceedings for finances then this would normally be transferred to his local court for any hearigns but his ex court ask for it to be moved closer to her, and it would then be up to a judge to decide whether to move it.

Your OH is unlikely to have to pay spousal maintenance.