Partner reluctant to accept change

Tamoshanter

I am in my early 50s and have been with my partner for 2 years,we both have our own homes and hope that one day we will live together once my children are a little older.
My partner has made it clear ,he doesn't want the turmoil of moving to a new jointly owned home,which I accept, but he is very possessive about everything in his house .if i suggest areas I might like to change or improve or just add my own stuff to he finds reasons why things should stay much as they are. He has been single for many years , and is set in his ways , but I sometimes wonder how I am going to fit into his life .
Anyone had a similar experience ?

duchy

There is a difference between "set in his ways" and selfish.

Most people who have lived alone for years are indeed selfish as they have had to share their lives with no one and have everything their own way.

If they then enter a relationship - if they want to fully share their lives then they need to change (or the other person let them dominate and control everything).

Have you asked him how he sees it working ?

System

It's his house I can't see why you want to make changes when you have your own house.

Saying that, he's not very committed to the relationship is he?

FBaby

Yep, went through this with OH when I moved into his house. However committed he was, he was extremely attached to his house and he found it hard to adjust, any little changes making him feel anxious. He used to get annoyed about the smallest things, like living cupboard doors opened. This resulted in me struggling to make it my home, which of course resulted in me not feeling so interested about looking after it. It was a bit of a vicious circle and caused a number of arguments.

As usual though, time is your best friend and it gradually got better. 4 years on and the roles are almost reversed and it almost feels more like my home than his. We have been talking about moving somewhere new in a few years, and I've agreed that he will be in charge of the decoration. We have quite different tastes unfortunately, but it matters much more to him than I, so I'm fine compromising as long as I am happy with the location and layout of the house.

warwicktiger

I must be fortunate, my new partner and I have decided to sell both our houses and buy our house", and we are going through the furniture this weekend to decide what to keep, or dispose of.

Both of us have been single for a few years, but surely it is the logical way to go?

onomatopoeia99

Why do you feel the need to change things in his house? I'd be rather miffed if someone started wanting "improvements" to my home.

Bobcrowther

Why not just save it until you have enough for some banknotes and give those instead?

Alter_ego

Bobcrowther wrote: »

Why not just save it until you have enough for some banknotes and give those instead?

???????????????????????

Edit - Pennies dropped eventually.

pollypenny

Sounds like my BIL. He has company - when he wants it; someone to do most of his shopping - when he wants it; and someone in his bed - when he wants it.

I'd question his commitment.

pigpen

It's his house... mind your own business.. would you like it if someone came into your home wanting to change things?? That is precisely what you are doing to him!

Would you not think it rude and be annoyed??

euronorris

If they are going to move in with each other though, surely it needs to become 'their' house and not just his.


Otherwise, I don't see much point in moving in together.