Husband has got us into unmanageable debt

borkid

Scotslass1974 wrote: »

jackieblack - I'm confident if we both try we can cut the shopping bill - but in all honesty being on maternity leave doesn't give me time to cook. My baby feeds every 2 hours round the clock and takes all his naps in my arms if we're in the house - my eldest was the same! I have to go to bed when he does at 7pm just to try and grab enough sleep to get by

When my eldest was a baby she wouldn't let me put her down and she was awake a lot of the time. I put her in a sling so that I could get on with work around the house. She was quite a tiny baby though. She was about 6 months before she became too heavy for me to do this. Could this be an option for you? Luckily summer soon so more chance for salads which I find take less preparing / easier to leave mid way to check baby.

Alternatively get OH to prepare all the meals at the weekend and freeze them for the week. That could be one of the ways he contruibutes to solve the problem he's got the family into.

Tjh1412

Good luck with everything; just a thought have you checked your getting all benefit entitlements etc as that would give you additional income possibly

Tjh1412

Or maybe for one of you to increase your hours to hit the tax credits threshold of 30 hours?I've just done this and am now receiving an additional £200 a month which is a big help

lessonlearned

Scotslass - don't fret over not replying in detail. Two little ones under the age of 3 ......I remember it well. I was constantly exhausted and like you I had to grab my sleep when I could get it.

Just concentrate on those babies and sorting out your finances.as best you can for now.

Well done on arranging counselling to address your husbands spending issues, especially as you say he suffers from bouts of depression. Hope he finds it helpful.

just try to stay positive and plan for a better future.

You will note my nom de plume is "Lessonlearned". Well it's for a reason :rotfl:

Learn from your mistakes, don't keep rehashing the past, What's done is done and can't be undone so no point wasting time and energy on "if onlys".

No ones perfect, we all make stupid mistakes - the real madness is repeating those mistakes. Life teaches some hard lessons at times but those lessons can teach us wisdom.

I honestly think that with patience, discipline and a few sacrifices you can get through this, provided that you can stop the spending.

You are lucky in that you do at least own your own home (yes I know the bank owns a hefty chunk but you know what I mean). Don't let it go to pay off debts, your home is your security. It would cost you a lot more to rent And with rising house prices you might struggle to get back on the property ladder.

I'm going to say something now - from the bottom of my heart.

I am a widow. My husband died after a long and difficult illness which got us into debt. First it wiped out our savings and then I racked up £30k worth off debt. We had little or no help from the State and when we did, it was too little too late.

I am now debt free but in all honesty I would rather have the debt back if it meant I could have my husband back. Debt I can handle, debt is nothing compared to the death of a loved one.

Count your blessings every day, your children, your husband, your home - you can work through the debts. If it takes 10 years so what....your eldest will only be 13. You have years ahead of you.

As for those 0 per cent deals, they do still seem to be around as long as your credit score is ok. I used them for at least 10 years and two of my credit card providers still offer them on a regular basis.

I think the problem with credit scores arises when you start defaulting. If you can preserve your good credit rating then you should be reasonably ok and have access to decent borrowing rates.

I did wonder about those high interest loans, definitely pay those off first, it's good that they are only short term and finish next year. I agree it's a good idea to sell your unwanted stuff and chuck the money at those.

See - you are getting to grips already. You can do it, just make sure you get your husband on board and that you work together. Just set your self a target and stay focussed.

AnotherJoe

Great idea by Spendless, batch cooking is a double bonus, decreases your spend, and gets you back time because you have greatly reduced cooking time. Same with a slow cooker. If you don't have one or can't borrow one, it would be twenty quid well spent, you'd get the spend back in a month, a few minutes chopping stuff up, bung it in, then 6 hours later portion up, leave to cool and. then freeze.get tin foil containers with lids in a pound store. Can easily be done in your two hour gaps between feeds.

autumn2012_2

Hi, Firstly well done for facing upto things! A few observations:

A) Your mortgage rate is high - try to remortgage as soon as your in a position to. We have a 65k mortgage on a 2.7% rate and pay half what you are per month.
Try to claim tax credits - albeit for a short period as they can be a pain in the bum but that will help
C) Iv recently got a deal with SKY for 17.40 for my broadband and line rental plus my sky box is fully functional although I only get freeview channels but still a saving
D) Id scrap luxuries for the time being - until you get a hold of things. For instances holidays - maybe try and do the £9.50 sun holidays to a caravan to save money again until your back on your feet
E) Home and contents insurance seems high? I only pay £17 per month so maybe that will be worth looking at. Also alot of cashback sites work with insurances so think about those aswell.

I struggled with cooking when my 2 were little (only 2&3 now) however I got given a slow cooker as a wedding present and its a life saver. You will get through this. Careful budgetting and being strict with yourself is key. Good Luck x

lessonlearned

Ah the Sun holidays ......we did these for years, the kids loved them.:rotfl:

Some great tips here. I would definitely second the ideas of batch booking and slow cookers. Saves time and money.

You can build up a selection of home cooked ready meals - ideal for those cba days, or when the children are playing up or as lunch boxes for your husband to take to work - assuming they have a microwave, most workplaces do.

It will take a while to put these structures in place but once they are up and running they become second nature.

Yes I noticed your mortgage seemed high. My son borrowed £73k (now down to £67k cos he overpays a bit) He pays £267 a month. The house next door is rented and they pay £550. Says it all really.

I think you might need to wipe out those high interest cards though before you could remortgage. Those new affordability rules are very strict but long term yes definitely something you could improve on, especially as you will have more equity as time goes by.

HappyMJ

lessonlearned wrote: »

Yes I noticed your mortgage seemed high. My son borrowed £73k (now down to £67k cos he overpays a bit) He pays £267 a month. The house next door is rented and they pay £550. Says it all really.

You need to take into account the cost of the capital invested, maintenance, insurance etc...

The house next door required a deposit of £650 (usually one month rent plus £100) to secure the tenancy. My bet is the deposit your son put down was significantly more than that. He would have been earning interest on that money and now he's spent his deposit he's no longer earning the interest.

It does not "say it all".

lessonlearned

Point taken, however scotslass and her husband have already made a significant investment in their home. To sell it now to clear debt would also cost money in fees and expenses. I can't really see any benefit at this stage.

TBH although their position is serious I don't think it has reached a stage where they need to sell their home - which I believe is what you were advocating.

Even without remortgaging or switching insurances, both possible future savings, I noticed that they could immediately trim £445 a month off their budget.

This would cover the current shortfall with almost£120 to spare and would take the pressure off for now. That's without adding any additional sideline income, increasing working hours or tax credits.

Yes the situation is difficult but it's not beyond rescue.

I think selling their home would be a panic knee jerk reaction - one that I think is wholly unnecessary at this stage.

Just my opinion of course but for me selling the roof over my head would be the last thing on my to do list if I were in their position.

Yes I did sell my home to help clear my debts but the circumstances were different. I was fortunate in that I was in a position to downsize and not rent. I also sold it because my husband had died, it was the home we had built together and it held too many memories so selling wasn't an emotional wrench. It was purely a business decision.

I know I sound like an old worn out record but I dont think scotslass and her husband's position is beyond redemption. Their credit rating might be verging on borderline but it's ok. They have not yet defaulted so with some strict budgeting and discipline they can not only keep going but they can start to make headway. There is wriggle room.

pleasedelete

MiMi66 wrote: »

I think what pleasedelete is advocating is the ideal and from some perspective true. But I think many of us who juggle money using 0% balance transfers work on the precept that we will reduce the amount before each transfer. And I think that is ok. The thing to be very very very mindful of and also incidentally where I have been a repeat offender and got into my own personal mess, is adding the balance of any using credit card to the balance transfer to have breathing room. Do not do this!!!! Like me you'll end up in just treading water or worse.

!

Thanks. What I was trying to say is that debt affordability is not about whether you can afford the minimum payments- it is about whether you can afford to pay the whole debt off within a reasonable period. Minimum payments can escalate when a 0% ends of when a credit card company just decided to up the interest rate- I had that once a few years ago- a card that I had a 0% on that actually had a very low 5% ish long term interest rate suddenly went to 28%- luckily I could pay it off but if not I would have been stuck with a massive amount of interest that I hadn't counted on.