any pit falls?

gonzo127

pigpen wrote: »

Having looked at this recently they don't do further checks. .. I could have reduced the interest rate and reduced the monthly payments by £140 but as forcing me and the children to be homeless is high on his agenda he refused to do this.. i did consider just signing it in his name but my better judgement took over.


the deeds of our house were signed over to me .. I got all the debts too.

If you're paying more than you need to she can use that to pay the mortgage surely.. if she is living beyond her means it is for her to sort out not you

not wishing to make any judgement on your previous situation, as i know you could be entirely right with what he wanted, however to be honest, i expect if i am 'difficult' about agreeing to the new mortgage, she would think that making her and my child homeless is a top priority of mine as well, whereas i personally dont want that, but also know that giving her another 2 years on the mortgage will more than likely stretch out the divorce even further,

that and as things are now, i worry that the house will fall into disrepair as when i drop and pick up my daughter i can already see a worsening state of the house to what it used to be, even simple and quick things like the lawn, which is uncut and turning into a field, and the kitchen which has beautiful solid wood worktops, which need sanding and oiling every now and then, but have not been done since i left and are now water stained or blackened, so just worry what the house will be like in another 2 years when/if it comes to her selling it, and yes i know looking after a child full time makes it hard to get all the house work done, however she only works 3 days a week during school hours, and i have my daughter 5 days over a 2 week period (want more but she doesnt want me to have her more) so cant understand why it doesnt get done in the time she doesnt have my daughter

as to the paying more and living beyond her means, all i can say is LOL, she complains i dont give her enough maintenance, and moans that i dont offer to help out with the mortgage, saying that her parents have to give her money every month just so she can 'feed our child', so any comment on that would fall on deaf ears,

DKLS

Get a solicitor and force the sale of the house.

silvercar

gonzo127 wrote: »

i totally agree,

but she is currently refusing to sell because its her home and she lived in it before she met me, which is another reason she wishes me to sign it over to her for nothing,

unfortunately she will not take on board that i lived there for 10 years and was the main earner for all that time, she also had a career break for 4 years where we lived of just my wage, we also managed to put in a new bathroom and kitchen, me and my family actually put down a new driveway, we had the entire house rewired and had a new boiler in, in that time, but apparently none of that matters because she lived there before me, and therefore it is selfish of me to want any money out of the house

soz thats just a little rant lol

Maybe you need to offer a compromise on the equity split once the property is sold. Acknowledging the fact that she bought the property initially and she is the one who your joint child lives with the majority of the time.

Assuming you agreed between you that she should have a career break to focus on your joint child, throwing that back in her face now is bound to be seen as antagonistic.

gonzo127

silvercar wrote: »

Maybe you need to offer a compromise on the equity split once the property is sold. Acknowledging the fact that she bought the property initially and she is the one who your joint child lives with the majority of the time.

Assuming you agreed between you that she should have a career break to focus on your joint child, throwing that back in her face now is bound to be seen as antagonistic.

well i have offered a 70:30 split in her favour, but that has been rejected because she cant afford to buy me out and doesn't want a 'charge on the house' hanging over her head, etc etc, really the only thing she wants is for her to have all the equity and assets and me take all the debt, anything beyond that is 'unfair' because she cant afford it without selling, and it was her home before so she shouldn't be forced to sell.

as to the career break, well that was a sore point at the time as we couldn't afford her to stop working, but she was having none of it, and wanted to stay of with our daughter as she didn't with her previous kids, and one day she came home and said she had done all the paper work and would not be going back to work after our child was born. no agreement from me, just a case of this is what i want so this is whats happening, this forced me to leave a job i enjoyed and go for a job i didn't want because we needed more money coming in.

but anyways, i haven't actually thrown this in her face as i am still trying to keep it amicable for our daughter, just my own personal frustration that over the her position is that all i deserve is debt, even though i did everything i could to support her whilst we was together

justme111

I think I would not facilitate her living where she can not afford to. Either house is sold or you move there or it is repossessed. Sometimes the more effort you put into making someone see they are not being fair the more they think you are in the wrong. So whatever you do short of keeping her standard of life exactly the same which is impossible even if you had no life yourself she is going to blame you. So you may as well not to try to please her as that if unappreciated will just make you more frustrated and emotional in dealing with her which in turn will fuel confrontation. Nicely , factually, firmly and without arguments give her options and let her chose. I understand you do not want repossession but it ma be lesser of the evils. While she knows you do not want repossession she has you over the barrel. Better repossession than becoming wronged bitter frustrated male to the end of your life because you were unable to move on.

[Deleted User]

gonzo127 wrote: »

well i have offered a 70:30 split in her favour, but that has been rejected because she cant afford to buy me out and doesn't want a 'charge on the house' hanging over her head, etc etc, really the only thing she wants is for her to have all the equity and assets and me take all the debt, anything beyond that is 'unfair' because she cant afford it without selling, and it was her home before so she shouldn't be forced to sell.

as to the career break, well that was a sore point at the time as we couldn't afford her to stop working, but she was having none of it, and wanted to stay of with our daughter as she didn't with her previous kids, and one day she came home and said she had done all the paper work and would not be going back to work after our child was born. no agreement from me, just a case of this is what i want so this is whats happening, this forced me to leave a job i enjoyed and go for a job i didn't want because we needed more money coming in.

but anyways, i haven't actually thrown this in her face as i am still trying to keep it amicable for our daughter, just my own personal frustration that over the her position is that all i deserve is debt, even though i did everything i could to support her whilst we was together

I'm assuming this didnt help things and may have led to the divorce? That would not impress me at all.

Does sound like your soon to be ex-wife is one of those who wants to sit there and it all to fall into her lap. I think its unreasonable to expect you to sign it over and pay all the debts to be honest.

Might cause bad vibes but its gotta be done I think.

My Dad was in a similar situation years ago. Re-married and went to live in step-mothers house (it was all paid for). For 10+ years he was the main earner and paid for upkeep pretty much. (In fact, he brought his wages home every week, handed it all over and she gave him pocketmoney back. Weird).

Ended up getting divorced. She thought she could just chuck him out when it suited. In the end, it transpired Dad was due half (at least) of rise in equity so he went for it. Not a huge amount - couple of K (this was 25 years ago though) and his ex-wife had to re-mortgage.

justme111

Or she works more hours , takes on mortgage and you agree to sell once child is 18 and whatever percentage split.