Heartbroken

skullncrossbones

Thank you for all the advice and sorry for the late reply I've been trying to keep myself busy. Today's his birthday, sent him a short message and then he replied. Other than that I'm feeling a little better, it's only when I'm on my own that my mind wonders and I start feeling sad again.

Kirsty I think I'm going to go on a few holidays, never been on my own so a bit scared, any advice?

Honestly thank you all, it's been helpful hearing your stories and kind words.

LittleOne

skullncrossbones wrote: »

Thank you for all the advice and sorry for the late reply I've been trying to keep myself busy. Today's his birthday, sent him a short message and then he replied. Other than that I'm feeling a little better, it's only when I'm on my own that my mind wonders and I start feeling sad again.

Kirsty I think I'm going to go on a few holidays, never been on my own so a bit scared, any advice?

Honestly thank you all, it's been helpful hearing your stories and kind words.

I was really scared, too. I'm a very shy, timid person but I always think about a certain quote in my head... "Life begins at the end of your comfort zone"
I booked flights to Australia on my own and it was the most nerve-wrecking thing I've ever done!
I guess it depends what kind of holiday you're after (although any type of holiday will be good for you and will give you some time to get away from everything and have some time to reflect and think)
I used the Lonely Planet website and forums which were really helpful and I would reccomend them :-) The other thing I looked at was doing a group tour. The one I looked at was spending a month in the US and going round various states as part of a group by a company that organises tours. I figured it would be scary, but I could meet new people and experience things with other people rather than be alone!
Experiences like that are invaluable. I spent time in the US and Australia and really pushed myself to do these things but I definitely feel like it helped me.
I also noticed that as soon as I booked my flights, my attention was not focused on 'him' anymore, but more towards my adventure.

marisco_2

skullncrossbones wrote: »

To be honest I'm not sure, but I think we want different things and I don't think he's ready for the type of commitment I want from him. To be honest I don't think he knows what he wants, things which he's said it wants before when it comes down to it he's scared.

You wont believe this now but in the long run you will be so much happier for having left this relationship when you have. You are still very young and have years ahead of you to meet someone who is really right for you and wont be scared to make huge life changing commitments with you.


Take lots of time to be by yourself and to decide what you want from your future. You have to be happy and fulfilled within yourself before it will work with anybody else.

skullncrossbones

Kirsty_A wrote: »

I was really scared, too. I'm a very shy, timid person but I always think about a certain quote in my head... "Life begins at the end of your comfort zone"
I booked flights to Australia on my own and it was the most nerve-wrecking thing I've ever done!
I guess it depends what kind of holiday you're after (although any type of holiday will be good for you and will give you some time to get away from everything and have some time to reflect and think)
I used the Lonely Planet website and forums which were really helpful and I would reccomend them :-) The other thing I looked at was doing a group tour. The one I looked at was spending a month in the US and going round various states as part of a group by a company that organises tours. I figured it would be scary, but I could meet new people and experience things with other people rather than be alone!
Experiences like that are invaluable. I spent time in the US and Australia and really pushed myself to do these things but I definitely feel like it helped me.
I also noticed that as soon as I booked my flights, my attention was not focused on 'him' anymore, but more towards my adventure.

Wow that's very brave!! Good on you! I've been dying to go to thailand since forever and I too thought about going with a group - since I posted something on the holiday board lots of people said you should go on your own :eek::eek::eek: I do feel very much like "If no one will take me I'll take myself!" So I'm going to look into it and hopefully go on a holiday with my mum as I haven't in years and would really like to spend the time with her. Will definetly check out the lonely planet forum, bought a guidebook from them yesterday so hopefully that'll spur me on.

marisco you're 100% right, in the words of rupaul if you can't love yourself how in the hell are you gonna love someone else! I'm actually doing a lot better than I thought, I've impressed myself, I'm stronger than I thought.

KRB2725

You wouldn't be on your own for very long in Thailand (or Australia). You will meet loads of other single travellers & everyone is very friendly and out to have a good time.

A friend of mine has pretty much travelled the world on her own, sometimes meeting up again with people she has met on a previous trip.

Travelling solo is very liberating - and great fun!

Happytravelling

This might be easier said than done, but if you can think positive and do positive things, you'll start to feel positive. I started Pilates a couple of years ago just to alleviate some problems I had with my back, and it made me realise how stressed I was. Now if I feel stressed, I roll out my mat at do some exercises, take some deep breaths, push myself to test my strength, then I feel like I could take on the world, rather than wanting to crawl under a duvet and stay there.

Do you have any creative hobbies, like baking, gardening, knitting, or writing? Whatever really, but creating something also makes me feel good (and if its baking, you can enjoy eating it... or possibly sharing it!... too)

It sounds like your life is about to enter an exciting new chapter as your uni course draws to a close and you're free to pursue whatever that chapter brings- try to embrace it!

System

One big thing i will say is that, it does get easier to deal with. Right now you are probably feeling very raw. It takes time to heal and you need to give yourself as much time as you need. He wasn't ready to settle down, men tend to be somewhat later bloomers in that respect. There's nothing you could have done to change that, its something he needs to work out for himself. I understand finding yourself single at 27 is scary, but this isn't the end. You have your whole life ahead of you. There's every chance you'll meet someone. I'm in the firm belief that people come into our lives for a reason. I had many relationships, some i thought were forever, but they never worked out, but from everyone i took something from it. I grew as a person. And i think that made me ready to meet "the one" (which i never thought i would after so many failed relationships).

Throw yourself into doing things you want. You want to go travelling? Do it. Look it up, find somewhere you want to go, and book it. My sister went travelling after a breakup. She went out there a girl and cam back a woman. She's so much more happy and confident in herself now.

Its going to hurt for a while but anything you can do to distract yourself is good. That said the end of a relationship is a similar process to grieving. you've had a loss and you need to have time to come to terms with it. I know it hurts like hell now but it will get better, and one day you'll be able to look back and accept it was the right thing to do.

jamiehelsinki

Do you actually want the relationship to finish?

Does he want the relationship to finish or is it a case of he doesn't want it to go on as it has been?

Lack of sex is often a good indication that there's a few problems in the relationship.

Someone said if he doesn't want to move in together he's not ready for babies etc. Maybe he would be ready in a different relationship or different circumstances but doesn't want it as it is now.

I think you need to talk to him about why he wants it to finish.

I've been there with a marriage, where I just thought I don't want to be part of this no more, I said at the time I wouldn't get involved with anyone seriously again but then a few month's later I met someone and my opinion changed.