Finally at an end

Paul31

Hello everyone I've recently posted before and still in a situation where I think I've come to and end.
Can't sleep , can't eat, constantly having panic attacks that I'm going to be made homeless.
I know a lot will just say get a grip but with a financial situation that I don't seem to be able to find a solution I've come to the conclusion my family would be finically better off with me not being here.
I'm in DMP with step change they've been great. But now want me to go into an IVA I'm physically sick with worry. My finances aren't great but I keep a resonalble lifestyle we eat and all bills are paid every month with the odd treat if I get extra overtime I owed £43000 when I started my DMP 10 years down the road I have increased the payments every year slightly and now I owe £30000.00. This hangs over me like the grim reaper it's changed me from a pretty positive bloke to a mood changing depressive I jump form elation to mass depression I've become bitter at other peoples prosperity when I haven't a penny to scratch my bum.
All I do have is two life insurance polices one for £80000.00 paid on death and another for £250000.00 on death
I look at my 10 year old son and my wife and think that the money they would get would keep them in a secure lifestyle well into my sons adult life. When he can go out and make his own life in the big bad world.
My main question is if I died would my personal debts pass onto my wife they are not in her name just loans and credit cards i ran up when my son was 1st born and my wife was out of work.
Maybe I'm looking for someone to say they've been there and it's all ok

JadedAngel88

Have a read of this thread.

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/5022592

No amount of money can replace you and no amount of debt is worth dying for.

Other, more knowledgeable folk, will be along soon to help.

sourcrates

Hi,

Debt does not transfer between people, if the accounts are soley in your name, no one else is liable but you.
You do not have to do anything stepchange sayes, simply say you are happy to continue with the DMP and ask them not to bring up the matter again.

Putting it in a letter may be the best option, I can't see a reason to get upset about this, if the budget is too tight, reduce your payments a bit to compensate, it's up to you to tell them how you want things to run.

As regards your debts, have you sent CCA requests to all relevant accounts, to make sure they all have the correct paperwork ?

If your accounts are ten years old or more, it's unlikely they will still have the paperwork, which could mean they may be unenforceable.

Could be something to look into it you haven't, lots of agreements from that period are not worth the paper there written on.

Could there be a silver lining there ?

Don't forget, debt management plans are informal agreements which you have 100% control over.

craftingmad

All I can say is I have a 12 year old daughter and a 9 year old son and they (along with me) miss their daddy terribly when he has to work away so think about how much your loved ones would miss you if you were to never return.

No debt in the world would be worth that life for your family. At the end of the day it is only money whereas you are their world.

Any debt can be sorted some how.

I'm sure more people will be around very soon to give you some advice but in the meantime why not post your SOA and let some fresh eyes take a look at it x

Nimmi

Your life and existence is worth more than debts/ money.

hopefull1

Hi Paul31

I know at the moment it feels like the end of the world and that you feel that you have let everyone down and the world would be a better place without you but this is not the case.

Many people including myself have been where you are today and believe me you will come through it and you will be much stronger for it.

It may be worth looking at an alternative solution an iva or bankrupcy.

Please do not leave your children without a dad no debt is ever worth loosing your life over.

System

I suspect that the policies only cover natural deaths
Also they should only lend if its actually possible to repay, and if it isn't you can take debt advice and get a settlement to get it reduced

System

Bankruptcy could be an option, whether its right or not depends on the situation

pennystretcher

It is only money - your kids are more important and they would never understand if you 'left' them just because you owed some money.

When is the last time you have reviewed your statement of affairs (SOA)?
You have done pretty well over the past ten years, but worth having a look if there are payments you should prioritise or shift.

crazy_cat_lady

Please speak to someone. 116123 for the Samaritans.
Nothing is worth more than you to your wife and kids.

tlc678910

Hi,
When I was at university my housemate had a partner whose father had died when he was younger. I never knew the details. This young man had been given large lumps of money at 18 and 21 (tens of thousands each time). I don't know if it was compensation or life insurance.

Anyway the money was blown in self destruction. This guy was lost. I'm not suggesting anything about how any money would be spent (if any was paid out) but I am saying that boys NEED their fathers
(as do all children and wives their husbands of course).

Put this idea to bed. I am telling you FACT that debt may take a long time to clear but losing a parent in such an awful way is something your son would never get over. This debt is your burden as an adult but losing you would be his. You are trying to protect him but you are wrong - if you ended your life you could never protect him again.

Get the help you need with both your finances and your feelings. You are needed.

Tlc