Retirement?

Newly_retired

DH and I are both retired but we have very different interpretations of that.
I enjoy a certain amount of routine, so I have fixed points in my week, groups, voluntary work, but lots of free time too.
DH, on the other hand has found it hard to retire and has in fact gone back to work three times now. Each time it has been part time but he has managed to make it full time. I have to work hard to pin him down to get any free time together.
On another thread it has been said that men find it hard to find an identity once they retire, and I certainly agree.
I am interested to read others' experiences.

Newly_retired

I should add that in DH's case, he is not working for financial reasons. I realise that for some people, continuing to produce an income is a necessity.

missbiggles1

What was he like during his free time before he retired, particularly during holidays? How much time did you spend together?

Newly_retired

For a number of years we were both in teaching, so we did have the school holidays. These were mostly spent catching up with life( which gets neglected when you are working an 80 hour week), visiting relatives, as we had none close by, and usually one main holiday and one short break a year. Any other time would be used on our individual hobbies. Never enough time, especially when the children were younger. After they left home we both worked harder and longer hours. We loved it, but I feel I have earned some time together now.

Newly_retired

I should add that DH has not gone back into teaching. That needs lots more energy and stamina!

Newly_retired

I am interested in others' experiences, not really seeking a solution to my own, as it is complicated.

ibizafan_2

My OH and I are both 63 and retired from our public sector jobs. I still do a part time job on three evenings a week, and have quite a structured routine of gym, hospital volunteering and whatever else. Mind you, routine has always been my way of life, although I'm not quite as rigid as I used to be. OH has never wanted to work again since retiring, and spends his time going to the gym, pottering around in the house and garden, and doing the finances for his church. We enjoy lots of holidays and planning for this. I suppose our main difference is that I still enjoy doing the part time job, and will continue for at least another couple of years (health permitting of course) whereas he sees absolutely no reason to ever be employed again. We are both happy with each other's decisions on this.

pollypenny

OH retired two years before I and became the house husband, as my cleaner finished then, at 73.

I suppose that imposed a bit of a routine on him. We were having work done on the house, so he needed to organise that. For a year we were diwn to one car, so he did run me to school and picked me up, so routine again.

He does less than I do now.

lessonlearned

How fabulous that your husband is not a stick in the mud, pipe and slippers Kind of man, and that he is still interested in outside activities and engaged with life.

And how fortunate that he is fit, healthy and strong enough be able to carry on working. You and he are so blessed.

I think the whole concept of retirement is an idea built on shifting sands. Society is changing, we live longer and enjoy better health, heavy industry is a thing of the past so our bodies don't get worn out the way they did in the past.

I think we need to think about retirement differently. Plus of course it means different things to different people.

For many people work is life, and one without the other is unthinkable because they see the two as being entwined. For some it's a chance to "clock off" for good and start living a different kind of life.

Even back in the 70s I was a legal secretary to the senior partner in a family law firm. My boss was the senior partner and was in his 80s. He came into the office for a few hours roughly 2 to 3 days a week so averaging around 12 to 15 hours. Back in the day that was probably unusual, nowadays that pattern of working in retirement is perhaps more commonplace.

I guess it all depends on the job and whether it is practical when we get older. Some jobs can only be done by younger people.

My BIL was in the RAF and was forced to retire at 52. He then became a full time maths teacher. My dad retired early at 55 due to ill health. After a couple of years with his health restored he went back to work again. He only retired again when he was 75 because the firm he worked for Downsized. He's now 90 and rather frail but I know he would love to work again.:rotfl:

NR some people just love to work, and not necessarily for financial reasons. They might do it because they fear boredom, they might do it for altruistic reasons, then might do it because they feel they have something to offer.

My best friend is a retired midwife, she does the odd stint as an occupational nurse in private industry. Her husband is a builder just turned 70. He is less "hands on" because it's just too physical for him so now likes to project manage.

Another friend is an ex fireman who was forced to retire at 55. He combines being a part time Fire Safety Officer with managing his property portfolio.

I think rather than completely retiring as we know it, more and more people are doing some kind of portfolio working, a mix of part time working and/or voluntary work, studying, travelling and having adventures.

What would YOU like to do.

I know you want to spend more time with your husband but doing what. It does sound as if he is just not satisfied with the kind of retirement you have in mind. This does not reflect badly on you, it just means you both view retirement differently.

Perhaps for you it now needs to be a case of "if you can't beat them then join them". You are an ex teacher, you must have considerable skills which are transferable. It's a shame to waste all that brain power. :rotfl:

How about tutoring, or gojng back to college to study something that interests you. Could you write. How about starting up a little business - your husband might get interested and join you. And of course there's always volunteering. Most charities are crying out for help.

I shall be 65 in a couple of months. I was forced to give up work to care for my husband when I was 56. He died 18 months ago, closely followed by my mother just 7 months later. I had ten long years of dealing with illness and death and it's only now that I'm starting to recover my own health and vitality but I'm bursting with ideas and plans.

I will never work for anyone else again, I value my freedom too much but I have no intention of sitting around doing nothing. There is just too much I still want to do and achieve.

For the past couple of years I have been helping my sons renovate their houses, then I shall buy one for myself to work on.

I already dabble a bit in buying and selling antiques. I have started my memoirs, I want to brush up my Spanish and Italian, there are several courses I want to take, and I intend to travel a lot more. I want to start up a couple of little sideline businesses.

As Joan Collins once said, life is like a three act play, and the third act is the most exciting.

I think the most important thing to remember is that staying active and engaged is the best thing you can do to enjoy a long, happy and healthy life. It keeps you younger longer.

Just sitting around and "taking it easy" is possibly the worst thing we can do.

melanzana

I retired in my fifties. Good offer on the table!

OH is ten years older than me and had retired a few years before me. Meh.

He has a structured routine, gym is paramount, which I cannot understand but that's his life.

We go walking three times a week or so together. The rest of the time is more or less our own time. I write, I meet friends, but mostly I do little, and thoroughly enjoy it. Each to their own.

OH did apply for a few jobs after retirement, and didn't like it. I think that was because the jobs he got were nothing like his previous one.

Anyway, it is a process.

For me it was a doddle, for him not so much. I do agree that men do find their status in their jobs mostly.

I had a similar job and status, but I didn't find it hard at all to enter retirement so early!

I think it must be a man thing.

Newly_retired

Thanks for those interesting replies.

I fully support the idea of doing something new in retirement, but not full time, unless finances dictate. I am happy that DH is doing work that he enjoys doing but not the demands it makes on his time to the detriment of almost all else. He has hobbies that he wants to pursue, the garden needs more of his time ( he enjoys that ). In a sense he is being taken advantage of, but I know that his work gives him a real sense of identity.
As he works partly from home, I am having to put on hold the house renovations which would currently be too disruptive.
I really want an extended holiday, but that has to wait too. His health is not great, so that is a concern.
I do voluntary work which keeps my brain active, enables me to meet people, uses my skills plus I learn new things, but I restrict it to two days a week , plus occasional extra training.
I belong to two or three groups, some seasonal. I go to occasional lectures, and I spend hours on family history, as well as enjoying time with the living family. So I am not idle, or bored.
Lesson learned I can see that you deserve the time to do all that you have put on hold for years, and I hope you achieve it and enjoy it.