Defying Contact Order

zagfles

LannieDuck wrote: »

Based on your earlier post, she's changed arrangements once in the last three years (do correct me if that's wrong...). And her newly proposed suggestion still fits within the contact order.

Your concern as highlighted above has no basis in fact, given the details you've told us.

Given what you've written so far, you're coming across as very controlling.

It sounds more like a "newly imposed arrangement" than a "newly proposed suggestion". In which case it's pretty obvious which one of them is being "controlling".

FBaby

I am not controlling but I do want what is best for the children as that is also best for me - this change isn't in their best interests.

But you don't know that the change isn't for their best interests. You are making assumptions to her reasons and frankly, from what you've written, it doesn't make much sense. Why would she act on jealousy of your relationship when she herself is in one?

The excuse of spending time with their step siblings is quite weak as surely this is what holidays are for? There are enough of them.

You don't want to change the arrangement because the current one suits you. It might be that her real reasons are not very valid either but you are not in a position to judge until you actually know what they are. If it went to court, it would be the first (and potentially the only) consideration the judge would give it.

itsanne

duchy wrote: »

I doubt turning up unannounced and demanding to take the children after the PWC has told you the arrangements have changed would do anything except cause more conflict and further problems for the future.

I don't know where you got the idea that I was suggesting turning up unannounced. It's the last thing I would suggest.

The OP was told the children wouldn't be there when he would usually collect them. Depending on why not, it might be possible to simply alter when he'd pick them up rather than change the weekend. I didn't think it necessary to spell out that any such change should be negotiated with his ex.

duchy

So before you went to court (three years ago) contact wasn't stable -in the last three yeas it has been but you are assuming that changing the arrangements (for what may be very valid reasons you don't appear to have asked but simply assumed they are frivolous or less "important" than your needs) is the beginning of a period of access instability ?

It seems an awfully big assumption especially as you are claiming she is "flouting" the access order-when clearly she isn't.

If you were a judge would you seriously think you'd have a case or see you as a disgruntled ex. You may think you know what is going to happen next but you have nothing to substantiate those claims and courts tend to like something more than a feeling to decide a case on.

You really need to think about what this will look like to a court before spending money on a court case on what you've stated you are far better trying mediation (Yes I know she refused it before but a lot can change in three years or more)

To suggest she is jealous of your relationship three years on -when she is in a relationship herself sounds a bit egotistical ....and makes no sense if access was stable for three years. I think you are seeing something that is unlikely to still be there even if it was years ago.

rach_k

Would she consider a compromise? Could you have the kids two weekends running then she has them for the next two weeks? Then they get 1 week with just you and 1 week with their step-siblings, and your ex gets half of what she wants too. If the kids are utilising pester-power effectively, it may be something she could agree to to shut them up without feeling like she's lost, particularly if the kids suggested it.

scaredofdebt

The contact has worked on the same alternate weekends for about 5 years. We have agreed on a few occasions to change weekends on an ad-hoc basis by mutual agreement when it was best for the children.

My ex has stated in a text message she wants to change weekends so she can see her new boyfriend and it is best for her, those were her exact words.

My children have told me they don't want to change weekends as they like to spend time with their step-siblings, although I do realise children sometimes tell you what you want to hear.

I will ask her about the compromise idea, I was thinking of something similar but your idea is easier to follow than mine, thank you.

coolcait

If the underlying principle of contact arrangements is that the contact should be for the benefit of the children, then that's where the focus should be.

If the children enjoy the company of their step-siblings, and being part of that extended family unit, then depriving them of those things may be ignoring the children's needs and best interests.

It's a little dismissive to suggest that the children can just see their step-siblings in the school holidays, without having taken the children's views into consideration.

A judge may also take the view that a demonstrated pattern of contact, over several years, outweighs the narrow wording of the contact order - especially if the children state a preference to keep the current arrangements in place.

I totally agree with those who suggest trying to come to an agreement or compromise in the first instance - keeping the children's best interests at the forefront of any negotiations. That has to be better for the whole family than taking it back to court.

However, in this particular case, if it does go back to court, there are a lot of areas which might persuade a judge that it is in the children's best interests to keep to the contact arrangements which have been in place for a number of years.