Children at weddings - dilemma

snowscreamer

Hi all,

I'm after a bit of advice from anybody attending a wedding recently and/or parents.

We have up to 137 adults to accommodate at our wedding plus up to 11 children and 5 infants. These are based on the families who have been sent Save The Date cards. We do have at least 4, possibly up to 10 adults who won't be able to make it but many of the others have verbally confirmed. There is also 1 adult, 1 child and 1 infant we are unsure about due to possible separation of the parents...

Anyway, the situation is this. Back when we visited the venue in December, they suggested that they prefer for children to sit separately in another room for a babysitter / entertainer during the wedding breakfast. We thought this sounded like a good idea and went ahead with our Save The Date cards, confident that the numbers would work with the maximum capacity for the wedding breakfast being 140. Now we are looking at sending the invitations out and I am starting to wander about whether parents would be OK with their children missing out on the speeches etc and/or being separated for 3 hours of the day. My aunt reacted a little coldly when I mentioned it because she considers her two eldest grandchildren are well-behaved. Which is absolutely true, they are angels. In fact we are really close to them and they will be our flower girl and page boy. We would love to have all of the children in with us for the wedding breakfast but at this point there isn't the space unless we uninvite some people or get unexpected declines. What would you do? Or how would you feel as a parent?

arbrighton

Either you're inviting the children to take part in your day or you're not.

Ms_Chocaholic

How old are the children. Also what food will be available to the children if they're being entertained during the wedding breakfast.

springdreams

I think the age of the children will play a big part in whether they can sit by themselves in another room or not.

My DS is 15, so would certainly be fine sitting in another room.

However, my 2 year old nephews would not be ok sitting in a different room to their parents. They would feel insecure in a strange environment. And certain children are best being supervised the whole time that they are awake! I certainly would not have trusted my DS when he was 13 and under not to get up to mischief if he was left without parental supervision for 3 hours!

So if it is possible to accommodate the children in the same room as their parents, that would be the way I would go.

cte1111

I would rather have the option of being able to bring my child to a wedding and them eating in a separate room, rather than not being able to bring them at all, as now seems to be the norm. However I'm not sure that all children would actually be happy or able to spend a big part of the day with a babysitter that they don't know, particularly not if they are trying to look after multiple infants.

Who is the babysitter? What is their training and qualifications? I think I'm pretty relaxed about people who look after my kids, having used kids clubs on holiday for instance, but some people would be much more stressed about this. Have you warned people that this is the plan?

nearlyrich

My DD got married last year there were several children in the room the whole time, 2 babies ( 6 months and 8 months) a 2 year old, two 6 year olds, a 7 year old and a 9 year old. They all behaved impeccably (even the babies) I think it's up to the parents to keep them in line and some parents would not be happy to be parted from their children...

arbrighton

nearlyrich wrote: »

My DD got married last year there were several children in the room the whole time, 2 babies ( 6 months and 8 months) a 2 year old, two 6 year olds, a 7 year old and a 9 year old. They all behaved impeccably (even the babies) I think it's up to the parents to keep them in line and some parents would not be happy to be parted from their children...

And we got married last year- two virtually new borns and then 2 toddlers and a 4 year old. All behaved perfectly and our day wouldn't have been the same without them

They were always factored in as guests and included on table plans etc (ok the infants weren't, and it was difficult to work out how to include them on invitations when they were not yet born!)

snowscreamer

Sorry, I should clarify, my preferred option is to have them in with us at the wedding breakfast and I adore children and have always wanted them involved. I've never wanted to go down the "no children" route. All of the children we know and are well-behaved. It's just a numbers thing at this point as we may be overstretched

I think the best solution might be to send out the invitations as normal and just pray for enough declines and then the problem will solve itself... We should only need 5 declines (in addition to those we already expect). Then if after the acceptances are through there is still a numbers problem I guess we'll have to phone the individual parents to check they're OK with the plan to have the children separate just for a couple of hours.

duchy

snowscreamer wrote: »

Anyway, the situation is this. Back when we visited the venue in December, they suggested that they prefer for children to sit separately in another room for a babysitter / entertainer during the wedding breakfast.

This would be the point this venue fell off my list.
It isn't about what THEY prefer - YOU are the customer -it's what you prefer !

Forget what the hotel wants - decide if you want the children in the room with everyone else or shunted off out of sight.

Having an optional breakout area for kids is a nice idea but not all kids (or parents for that matter) WANT to be seperated. Any child below school age definitely is likely to be an issue .Some parents want and expect to share a celebration with their children - not be told they can come but stay out of sight.

Something for the kids like an entertainer visiting tables is a nice idea - personally as we were having a sitdown meal and no entertainment we went for no kids simply because they'd have been bored senseless.

If you want the kids fully involved then tell your venue that is what you are having !! You are the one paying so you decide what you have not the venue.

Five declines are fairly likely -but in all honesty if you tell parents your plan in advance some are likely to decide there's no point in bringing their kids (or even going themselves possibly) as the arrangements don't suit them or their child's personality. What happens if some of the kids simply don't want to be in a strange place without their parents and refuse to stay in "their" room ? Are they "allowed" into the main room or do the parents have to leave to be with their child ? How would this work ?

arbrighton

duchy wrote: »

Five declines are fairly likely -but in all honesty if you tell parents your plan in advance some are likely to decide there's no point in bringing their kids (or even going themselves possibly) as the arrangements don't suit them or their child's personality. What happens if some of the kids simply don't want to be in a strange place without their parents and refuse to stay in "their" room ? Are they "allowed" into the main room or do the parents have to leave to be with their child ? How would this work ?

I think we had three declines all together- one of Hub's friends from uni (brother's stag do), one elderly relative due to ill health (but his wife came) and one former 'friend' who just decided to be churlish and let her husband come on his own

duchy

The third sounds like a result .......I'd resent paying for a meal for someone I wasn't friends with.