Am I just broody or am I grieving for DH's swimmers.

Person_one

What impact would having a baby have on your existing three children?

Pleaseadvise

Third or later children born in or after April 2017 won't count for tax credits. Even if you've always earned enough not to need them, you can't be sure that will be the case in the future. If I was thinking about having another baby, I'd make my mind up fast!

Spendless

Last night I dreamt that a child in my eldest's year was off to a performing arts sixth form and would be catching the train there. Even when I awoke I wondered if there was such a place nearby as my youngest would be interested in going there in a few years time. On telling youngest she managed to relate the whole dream back to conversations/thoughts I'd had yesterday which were linked to the dream.

A dream is your thoughts concious or sub concious. You are aware that your husband having the snip means not becoming pregnant and no 4th child, so that's what you dreamed about. You didn't dream about the logistics of having 4 children, or of having 4 teenagers (God help you :eek::D)

On a practical level, how manageable is 4 children? I went through a brief spell of wanting a 3rd, which wore off within a couple of months. The negative impact of going ahead with a third would have meant less money to go around and less space, but it would still have been doable. A 4th child if you have a standard 5 seater car and standard 3 bed house (usually 2 double rooms and 1 single) will mean a different car and possibly a different house need funding.

This may not apply to you of course, you may not have a car and everything is still doable by public transport and/or you may have a house large enough to accommodate 4 children.

The other things I'd think about is how manageable would it be if the deck of cards were to fall? If one/both of you lost their jobs? Do you work in a field where you'd find another job relatively easy. Do you live somewhere that isn't an unemployment blackspot?

What about childcare? Is that affordable with an additional child? If you are reliant on family help, would they be willing to continue to look after another child and for longer than anticipated? What if their health was to fail or their circumstances change? Could you still manage?

I think the suggestion you put off your DH's op until you've had time to think things through and make a joint decision is agood one.

neneromanova

heartbreak_star wrote: »

Just whatever you do don't "accidentally on purpose" have a whoops moment.

Have you talked to your husband about this?

HBS x

I wouldn't ever do that. It wouldn't be fair on DH and I respect his views as much as my own

Person_one wrote: »

What impact would having a baby have on your existing three children?

I don't think there would be much impact. all 3 are very polite, caring kids and love little children. The only impact would be we'd need to do the extension quicker and less holidays (not that we have many now anyway due to school holiday prices)

Pleaseadvise wrote: »

Third or later children born in or after April 2017 won't count for tax credits. Even if you've always earned enough not to need them, you can't be sure that will be the case in the future. If I was thinking about having another baby, I'd make my mind up fast!

This won't effect us as it's for new claimants http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/business-34572807
We wouldn't be having another child for money anyway. Yes we do claim, and it helps a lot, but it's not the reason we had kids.

Thanks everyone for your replies. It's definately a big thing to talk about, and for obvious reasons DH isn't adverse to holding off on the op :rotfl:

Spendless

neneromanova wrote: »

This won't effect us as it's for new claimants http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/business-34572807
We wouldn't be having another child for money anyway. Yes we do claim, and it helps a lot, but it's not the reason we had kids.

Be careful of this one. When I first joined mse, another poster said on a thread I was on that 'whatever money is given to you by the Government, can be taken away by them too'. It was wise words. look at the changes to CB and before anyone says 'but that was for high earners who should be able to manage', we stopped being eligible for the full amount long before DH was earning £50k because his benefits in kind (company car, bupa) are added to his salary but those benefits also mean he has a negative tax code meaning a lower net pay.

Think about how you would manage with an increased family size if TC were to be further reduced or eliminated for those in your income bracket.

JimmyTheWig

pigpen wrote: »

My friend had 5 children and then her hubby had the snip.. he then trotted off with another woman and he had it reversed and his new wife is now about 4 months pregnant.. so there are options still.

It's possible but not generally available on the NHS.
And in many, many cases the reversal doesn't work.

Don't do it with a view that you can get it reversed if you want to. You need to think of it as permanent.

Jagraf

What other plans do you have for yourself? Are your children at nursery / school?

Will another child just fill a gap?

neneromanova

Jagraf wrote: »

What other plans do you have for yourself? Are your children at nursery / school?

Will another child just fill a gap?

That's what I'm afraid of. DS is at a childminders every morning while I get some sleep from the night shift, DD1 & 2 are at school. The more i think about how I feel, I think i'm scared as well that my time as a full time mother is coming to an end as the kids are "needing" me less and less now they're growing up.

System

I grieved for the loss of my fertilty after i was sterilized but i knew it was the right thing to do for myself and for my family.

Jagraf

neneromanova wrote: »

That's what I'm afraid of. DS is at a childminders every morning while I get some sleep from the night shift, DD1 & 2 are at school. The more i think about how I feel, I think i'm scared as well that my time as a full time mother is coming to an end as the kids are "needing" me less and less now they're growing up.

You can feel like that when they grow and flee the nest too - I'm starting to feel that at the adult end. You need to think about what you would like to do next, when you have a teeny bit of freedom for you. I'm looking forward to getting another degree, changing career and all sorts now that in not 'needed' except in emotional emergencies ! You may surprise yourself.