DLA without a diagnosis for my Son will it help...

missbiggles1

Have you also looked at how your income would be affected if you went part time? As a lone parent you'd need to be doing at least 16 hours to qualify but this will give you an indication of amounts.

https://www.gov.uk/government/publications/tax-credits-entitlement-table-working-at-least-16-hours-and-no-childcare/tax-credits-entitlement-table-working-at-least-16-hours-and-no-childcare

DomRavioli

iammumtoone wrote: »

Thank you so much for your reply.

I know I have to come up with solutions but I at the moment I don't know what they are. I am already sending him out somedays without cleaning his teeth in the mornings or without any breakfast (i try to get him to eat some breakfast biscuits on the way) as I just don't have the time to do these things I can't see how I can leave earlier.

I will just have to try to wake him earlier. this will have a knock on effect in the evenings he will be even more grumpy and irritable I am shattered myself I need more sleep than we are getting.

Well you could use the money that the father gives you to hire in help. That would work, an hour a day in the morning. Gives you time to get to work and gives your son someone qualified to look after him and get him where he needs to be. Contact some local care agencies, plenty have specialised carers for young people.

It isn't about you leaving earlier per se, it is about working with what you have. Either get a new job where the hours suit you, or hire in help - it is what it is there for.

And the whole DLA thing - you cannot claim DLA yourself, as you don't have a disability. If your son has a disability then he may be able to apply - there are websites such as disabilityrights which have the criteria for each point, and if he doesn't meet any of those with evidence then you're barking up the wrong tree. There is no "reasonable allowances" unless you meet the description of disabled under the Equality Act yourself, as so kindly explained earlier in the thread.

Have you asked for a referral to paediatrics for your son? CAMHS if you think it is MH related? Your GP can only do so much, you have to be super proactive in getting anything, so start reading up and getting your head around the system as it is completely flummoxing.

LocoLoco

Hi OP,

I do feel for you, our situation was very similar to yours when my son was younger.

I would really advise having a good chat with someone at either the Autistic Society and/or Cerebra. Both can offer good advice and support with regards to practical help and strategies to try at home, some help with navigating the NHS/diagnostic process which from experience is an absolute nightmare and can take years (sorry!) as well as giving you some practical advice and information about your job - there is supposed to be flexibility for carers but it's often something you have to sort out yourself so it would be worth getting some advice about that. Personally I'd start with either of those advice lines (they can both help with filling in DLA forms as well but it sounds like you need some all round advice on different aspects).

Horrible situation, I do feel for you, those early years with my boy were just so stressful and so difficult to manage, I always feel great sympathy for anyone going through similar with their kids. Links for the two organisations I mentioned below:

http://www.autism.org.uk/get-involved/about-us/contact-us.aspx

http://w3.cerebra.org.uk/help-and-information/

Hope you're able to start making some headway soon, it can be very overwhelming (especially when you're exhausted and battling through work every day as well) x

iammumtoone

Thank you all for your comments.

Just to clarify I never had any intention to try to claim DLA for myself I know its only for disabilities and I don't have any. My son might have but it will take time to find out. It seems claiming for him won't help my immediate issue so I will leave it for now.

pmlindyloo - You are correct my main issue is my job. Some good suggestions thank you. I am looking for a new job but it is difficult finding something with hours that suit. Your suggestion of going to the doctor myself, I am not at that stage yet but might do if I need to. I suffer from depression (work are aware of this) so maybe as you say that is a sneaky way round this situation. Although I am well aware if I use that card my time left there is limited - but it does buy me more time to find a job elsewhere.

missbiggles1 - I already work part time, I finish in time to pick up my son from school. Someone else covers the afternoons. my colleague is being asked to work extra at the end of the day as well and I need to cover the extra time in the mornings. This is so the phone gets answered and queries are dealt with for longer in the day.

DomRavioli - The money my sons father gives me is used for normal household expensives (he doesn't pay very much) I don't have much left over at the end of the month so wont be able to afford help every day. Its a very good suggestion and I will look at the budget to see if I could stretch to one or two days a week, even that would be a help.

LocoLoco - thank you I will give them a call, they might have some suggestions on how to handle the tantrums which I haven't thought off.

Thank you for everyones comments in general. I am surprised at how many say that children they know off didn't cause problems at school either. Whenever I raised concerns with the school I was told that one of the main 'testers' for these type of disorders was the child showed the behaviour both at home and school. That was also the first thing the doctor said to me "Is he like it at school"

I will also make another appointment at the doctors to see where they are at with everything and maybe mention the work situation to see if this can speed things along.

kingfisherblue

A regular routine can help, especially if your son is on the autistic spectrum. Perhaps you could try a visual timetable for mornings, but you should keep to it everyday, including weekends. So, as an example, 6.45 - wake up and go to toilet. Wash. 7am - get dressed. 7.10 - go downstairs for breakfast ...... etc.

Have clothes, including underwear and socks, ready the night before. Have breakfast cereal, bowl and spoon on the table.

Don't put on TV as it distracts. Music on the radio, or a CD, could help. If using a CD, you could use the same song every day to indicate that coat must go on and then as the song finishes, you leave the house.

Soft music at night can also help sleep. If sleep disturbance is very severe, a paediatrician can prescribe medication, but this is usually a final resort.

iammumtoone

kingfisherblue wrote: »

A regular routine can help, especially if your son is on the autistic spectrum. Perhaps you could try a visual timetable for mornings, but you should keep to it everyday, including weekends. So, as an example, 6.45 - wake up and go to toilet. Wash. 7am - get dressed. 7.10 - go downstairs for breakfast ...... etc. I have a written list for him of what order to put his clothes on but its not visual (my drawing is terrible), maybe visual will be better - I could ask him to draw his own.

Have clothes, including underwear and socks, ready the night before. Have breakfast cereal, bowl and spoon on the table. I lay his clothes out the night before in the right order but I don't do that for breakfast, I will start.

Don't put on TV as it distracts. Music on the radio, or a CD, could help. If using a CD, you could use the same song every day to indicate that coat must go on and then as the song finishes, you leave the house. TV is never on we would never get out if it was. I have the radio on. That is a great idea of a song to play then leave the house afterwards

Soft music at night can also help sleep. If sleep disturbance is very severe, a paediatrician can prescribe medication, but this is usually a final resort. Tried soft music. white noise, relaxation/meditation tapes, a light thats dim gradually etc, I have tried most things.

Thank you, some great ideas which are easy to put into practice.

kingfisherblue

For a visual timetable, you can print pictures from the internet - my drawing isn't good either!

Do you have blackout curtains? They might help with lighter nights and mornings.

If your son understands time, you could have two clocks in his room. One is to be set at the time he is to be in bed, the second is to be a working clock. When the two times match (eg, 8pm), he is to get into bed and stay there. A visual timetable for his bedtime routine might help as well. Don't forget a final trip to the toilet before bed.

Although it might not help your son sleep, promoting good habits via a strict routine can help children to develop a better sleep pattern. I believe there are some apps that might help, but I've never tried any.

Star charts for sticking to the routine, staying in his room, or getting ready on time in the morning might help. Choose one battle at a time though.

If dad has your son for a few hours at the weekend, go back to bed yourself. I regularly have a couple of hours on a Saturday afternoon.

Use wet wipes in the bathroom and dispose in a nappy bag. This will give him a chance to clean himself more thoroughly. If he needs help, don't comment or fuss.

When it is non-uniform day, let him wear uniform if he prefers to. If he puts clothes on inside out, don't make a fuss about it. I wouldn't even point it out. Use clothes that are easy to wear - polo shirts instead of buttoned shirts, elasticated trousers, clip on tie. He will need to dress and undress himself for PE, and presumably he manages then, so he should be able to do this at home.

His tantrums might be to gain attention. You are still helping him as though he is a much younger child, but he seems to manage in school without tantrums or additional help, so he should be able to manage her s own self care a bit more at home. Praise him when he succeeds, don't comment when he doesn't.

If your local carer's centre offers the Triple P course, attend if you can. I know a large number of parents who have benefited, especially those who have autistic children. It isn't a judgement of your parenting skills, but a way to help you to find ways to cope.

kingfisherblue

Incidentally, the music idea is a result of a voluntary placement in a school when I did my degree. Every class played Supercalafragilisticexpyallydocious (excuse the spelling!) when it was tidy up time. Everything had to be put away before the end of the song.

iammumtoone

kingfisherblue wrote: »

For a visual timetable, you can print pictures from the internet - my drawing isn't good either!

Do you have blackout curtains? They might help with lighter nights and mornings. yes have these

If your son understands time, you could have two clocks in his room. One is to be set at the time he is to be in bed, the second is to be a working clock. When the two times match (eg, 8pm), he is to get into bed and stay there. A visual timetable for his bedtime routine might help as well. Don't forget a final trip to the toilet before bed. He does understand time but this would be much clearer for him

Although it might not help your son sleep, promoting good habits via a strict routine can help children to develop a better sleep pattern. I believe there are some apps that might help, but I've never tried any. Yes we do follow a bedtime routine. I didn't know there were apps for this I will investigate he likes apps so they could help, he uses an app for cleaning teeth and he enjoys that

Star charts for sticking to the routine, staying in his room, or getting ready on time in the morning might help. Choose one battle at a time though. Star charts are difficult as he is older he expects a large reward, especially as he has a friend at school that gets paid £10 per 5 stars!! (they have alot more money than I do). That would work but I couldn't afford it!

If dad has your son for a few hours at the weekend, go back to bed yourself. I regularly have a couple of hours on a Saturday afternoon. I will admit to having done this

Use wet wipes in the bathroom and dispose in a nappy bag. This will give him a chance to clean himself more thoroughly. If he needs help, don't comment or fuss. Wet wipes are in the bathroom, it is frustrating as he gets sore due to the issues. It has to be done but at his age I don't feel comfortable having to keep applying nappy rash cream

When it is non-uniform day, let him wear uniform if he prefers to. If he puts clothes on inside out, don't make a fuss about it. I wouldn't even point it out. Use clothes that are easy to wear - polo shirts instead of buttoned shirts, elasticated trousers, clip on tie. He will need to dress and undress himself for PE, and presumably he manages then, so he should be able to do this at home. No he doesn't manage to get himself dressed and undressed for PE, the school have picked up on this that he is too slow and struggles, they separated him from the others so he didn't get distracted but that didn't help. They don't help him (fair enough) he just has to miss some of the lessons

His tantrums might be to gain attention. You are still helping him as though he is a much younger child, but he seems to manage in school without tantrums or additional help, so he should be able to manage her s own self care a bit more at home. Praise him when he succeeds, don't comment when he doesn't. Correct I realise that, I do know that I am not doing him any favours. I never help him at the weekends or if he needs to get changed in the evenings, its just I have to be at work and we don't always have the time to wait for him to do it himself, it could be behavioural as he knows I need to get to work. I know the answer would be to just ignore him and let him get on with it but I don't have the spare time in the morning to be able to do that. I am late at the best of times. Take your point about not mentioning about clothes inside out etc, that would be quicker if he didn't have to re-do, I just worry that the other kids will notice and say something or the teachers or child minder will point it out to him

If your local carer's centre offers the Triple P course, attend if you can. I know a large number of parents who have benefited, especially those who have autistic children. It isn't a judgement of your parenting skills, but a way to help you to find ways to cope.

Thank you again.

GlasweJen

My niece is autistic but she also knows how to stress her mum out. After realising that niece can get dressed when it suits her (when getting party clothes/dress up clothes/clothes to go out and do something fun) my sister decided enough was enough and niece was horrified to find herself being handed into the school wearing a vest, pyjama bottoms, socks and one school shoe. The rest was in a poly bag and amazingly the little darling was dressed before the bell went.

She pushed it for about a fortnight and then gave up when she realised it was game over.

Obviously you know your son and I wouldn't recommend doing this with a child who can't get dressed unaided under any circumstances. It also helped the school to see how bad nieces tantrums could get and just how much stress niece can put my sister through.