DLA without a diagnosis for my Son will it help...

iammumtoone

I am wondering whether I should apply for DLA for my nine year old even though he is not diagnosed with anything, he more than fits the criteria of having to spend more than 1 hour helping him over and above what you would normally expect for a child of his age. However I am not sure if I will get anywhere as I know its hard to get.

I don't want the money £20 a week isn't going to make that much difference to us, what I want is the recognition that I have difficulties with him (if that will help?)

I am in real danger of losing my job , that just can't happen we won't survive on JSA (I have a mortgage to pay and wont get help with that until 39 weeks:eek:)

I am regularly late for work as it takes me over an hour to get my son ready in the mornings, party due to the fact he doesn't sleep so is difficult to wake and party due to the fact he is unable to dress himself without constant reminders and then having to re-do as something is the wrong way round/or forgotten, then deal with the tantrum due to the frustration when he told that something is not right. I often dress him myself, I know thats not the answer but its quicker but even that is difficult as he won't stand still while I do this. Waking him up earlier is not feasible as he doesn't get enough sleep as it is, I think the lack of sleep exaggerates alot of his other issues. Then if anything is slightly different at school/child provider he goes mad and that takes me ages to calm him down, I dread non-uniform days etc. He has other issues as well, toilet problems, accidents and unable to wipe himself properly. Huge tantrums if something doesn't go his way. Very difficult to explain things to again tantrums because he doesn't understand.

He doesn't have the tantrums at school so I think this will be the reason I won't get awarded anything.

I have been told at work I need to start working some weekends and start early. I just can't do the early starts its bad enough as it is my son is never asleep before midnight (please don't tell me hes need a routine etc I have tried everything) I am knackered myself I get up a 6 and get myself ready so when I wake him at 6.45 I can dedicate all my time to getting him up and ready we need to leave the house at 7.45.

I if did get DLA for him would that give me any protection at work? to make them more flexible with me when I am late (I always make the time up and more but am aware that doesn't effect lateness) and stop them making me start earlier?

I really don't think I will be awarded anything but I am at my wits end regarding my job. I am only just hanging on by a thread as it is, I just can't start any earlier and I really can't lose it, I won't find another one like it (part time mon-fri jobs are almost impossible to get)

Thanks

Marktheshark

getting any kind of diagnosis out of a doctor has become extremely hard if the condition classifies for any benefits.
This is another attack on disablement benefits with people just unable to get the doctors to write down the condition they have.

Personally I think doctors should not be engaging in this type of behaviour, it is not as if the government are doing them any favours in return.

iammumtoone

Thing is I don't want the extra benefits, my wages are enough (topped up with tax credits) we manage fine (no luxuries but I am ok with that). My worry is that money will be taken from me as I am in danger of getting the sack as I am regularly late due the difficulties I have with my son. I have explained that to work but the response I get is others have children and they can get to work on time.

DomRavioli

Have you spoken to social services? your GP? Any professional who can get you some help?

Is the child's father at home, does he pay towards the child if he isn't? Can you get someone in to help you in the mornings so that you can go to work? Have you spoken to your employer about flexible hours request (all parents can put in a request, regardless of disability).

And getting DLA for a child won't stop you getting sacked for lateness.

If he is having problems, your GP or social services are the first ports of call (social services are there to help, most people get so worked up over it, and for the most part they are there to support families).

You need to come up with a positive solution; DLA is not that. It may help with extra costs associated with a recognised disability, but there is nowhere near enough information in your post.

Have you spoken to the school re: SEN? referrals? IS he under the care of anyone?

iammumtoone

DomRavioli wrote: »

Have you spoken to social services? your GP? Any professional who can get you some help? spoken to the GP, they are looking into it but that all takes time, I was able to (just) cope until I was told I need to start earlier. I have spoken to the GP at length about his sleeping, there is nothing that can be done about this, rightly so they are not allowed to prescribe sedatives for children. They did prescribe some antihistamine for me to try, but it didn't have any effect on him at all!

Is the child's father at home, does he pay towards the child if he isn't? Can you get someone in to help you in the mornings so that you can go to work? no just me, yes he pays but like I said money is not my issue, no nobody can/will help in the mornings. I would still need to get my son to them and all relations have said they are going to stop having him as they can't cope with his tantrums.Have you spoken to your employer about flexible hours request (all parents can put in a request, regardless of disability). No as they want me to start earlier (they have stated a business reason for this) so certainly are not going to let me start later

And getting DLA for a child won't stop you getting sacked for lateness. Thank you, there is no point applying then. My thinking was if I claimed it for myself, work would have to make reasonable adjustments for me, I was hoping there was something that covered that for dependents as well

If he is having problems, your GP or social services are the first ports of call (social services are there to help, most people get so worked up over it, and for the most part they are there to support families). Spoken to GP

You need to come up with a positive solution; DLA is not that. It may help with extra costs associated with a recognised disability, but there is nowhere near enough information in your post.

Have you spoken to the school re: SEN? referrals? IS he under the care of anyone? Yes spoken to school, they have noticed some issues but they don't concern them as he is no trouble at school, they only concentrate on the children that are disruptive,

Thank you so much for your reply.

I know I have to come up with solutions but I at the moment I don't know what they are. I am already sending him out somedays without cleaning his teeth in the mornings or without any breakfast (i try to get him to eat some breakfast biscuits on the way) as I just don't have the time to do these things I can't see how I can leave earlier.

I will just have to try to wake him earlier. this will have a knock on effect in the evenings he will be even more grumpy and irritable I am shattered myself I need more sleep than we are getting.

poppy12345

iammumtoone wrote: »

I am wondering whether I should apply for DLA for my nine year old even though he is not diagnosed with anything, he more than fits the criteria of having to spend more than 1 hour helping him over and above what you would normally expect for a child of his age. However I am not sure if I will get anywhere as I know its hard to get.

I don't want the money £20 a week isn't going to make that much difference to us, what I want is the recognition that I have difficulties with him (if that will help?)

I am in real danger of losing my job , that just can't happen we won't survive on JSA (I have a mortgage to pay and wont get help with that until 39 weeks:eek:)

I am regularly late for work as it takes me over an hour to get my son ready in the mornings, party due to the fact he doesn't sleep so is difficult to wake and party due to the fact he is unable to dress himself without constant reminders and then having to re-do as something is the wrong way round/or forgotten, then deal with the tantrum due to the frustration when he told that something is not right. I often dress him myself, I know thats not the answer but its quicker but even that is difficult as he won't stand still while I do this. Waking him up earlier is not feasible as he doesn't get enough sleep as it is, I think the lack of sleep exaggerates alot of his other issues. Then if anything is slightly different at school/child provider he goes mad and that takes me ages to calm him down, I dread non-uniform days etc. He has other issues as well, toilet problems, accidents and unable to wipe himself properly. Huge tantrums if something doesn't go his way. Very difficult to explain things to again tantrums because he doesn't understand.

He doesn't have the tantrums at school so I think this will be the reason I won't get awarded anything.

I have been told at work I need to start working some weekends and start early. I just can't do the early starts its bad enough as it is my son is never asleep before midnight (please don't tell me hes need a routine etc I have tried everything) I am knackered myself I get up a 6 and get myself ready so when I wake him at 6.45 I can dedicate all my time to getting him up and ready we need to leave the house at 7.45.

I if did get DLA for him would that give me any protection at work? to make them more flexible with me when I am late (I always make the time up and more but am aware that doesn't effect lateness) and stop them making me start earlier?

I really don't think I will be awarded anything but I am at my wits end regarding my job. I am only just hanging on by a thread as it is, I just can't start any earlier and I really can't lose it, I won't find another one like it (part time mon-fri jobs are almost impossible to get)

Thanks

I am totally confused by both of your posts. You ask if you can claim DLA for your son without a diagnosis and then in your 2nd post you say " you were thinking you can claim it for yourself". You can't claim a disability benefit because you're struggling to cope with a child. To be able to claim DLA for your son you will need a lot of evidence to support your claim. My advice to you would be to go back and talk to your son's GP.

iammumtoone

poppy12345 wrote: »

I am totally confused by both of your posts. You ask if you can claim DLA for your son without a diagnosis and then in your 2nd post you say " you were thinking you can claim it for yourself". You can't claim a disability benefit because you're struggling to cope with a child. To be able to claim DLA for your son you will need a lot of evidence to support your claim. My advice to you would be to go back and talk to your son's GP.

I know that. I never said I was going to try to claim it myself, I am not sure it even exists for adults anymore. Maybe I worded it badly.

What I was trying to say is that if I claimed DLA (if I was entitled to claim), then work would have to make reasonable allowances for me. It is reasonable to ask if those with dependents claiming DLA are also entitled to those reasonable work allowances.

ChristineLouise

To me some of that sounds like autism / aspergers, having known a couple of individuals being on the spectrum, changes to routine causing meltdowns, teachers unable to see problems as they dont happen at school. You know your son best, if you feel he is on the spectrum push for diagnosis. I am no doctor but you need to research and push for whatever diagnosis you feel fits your sons case. There are forums on facebook that are very helpful in providing awareness and advice on getting diagnosed and other matters.
I'd tell your employer whatever it is. "I have a child who is xxx and I'm getting a diagnosis" stands a lot more ground than "I have a child and its difficult to get him ready in the mornings"

In the past I've had to explain "I am tired because I have chronic fatigue", this of course provides more of a reason than "I am tired" and people assuming me lazy.

Getting any diagnosis can be a long and frustrating process - be prepared to fight your corner. Best of luck.

Andypandyboy

iammumtoone wrote: »

I know that. I never said I was going to try to claim it myself, I am not sure it even exists for adults anymore. Maybe I worded it badly.

What I was trying to say is that if I claimed DLA (if I was entitled to claim), then work would have to make reasonable allowances for me. It is reasonable to ask if those with dependents claiming DLA are also entitled to those reasonable work allowances.

I think you are referring to "associative disability" and whilst employers have to recognise it (under the 2010 Equality Act) they only have to be careful not to discriminate, they are not required to make the "reasonable adjustments" that they would be required to do for someone with a disability.

This means that if for example you applied for an internal promotion and they knew you were a carer they could not rule you out of the running. They would not be required to allow you to come in late unless they allowed others to do the same.

Floxxie

This sounds just like my middle son although his behavioural issues were made worse by fecal impaction. He was no trouble at school either.

I started by getting the school nurse involved and it moved on from there. He eventually got help from a Diana nurse who solved the toileting issues.

He is still very difficult, but I can get through to him if it affects him so if I explain that if I do not go to work, then there will not be the money to have x, y and z, he will be more manageable for an amount of time.

Not sure if that helps, but I do sympathise as it is exhausting.

pmlindyloo

I think you need to separate your two main issues.

First of all, your son's behaviour.

It seems that you have started the ball rolling about getting some help/support/investigation into your son't behaviours. As you are aware this can be a lengthy process and you need to be very assertive to keep things 'on track'.

Although this is obviously a very worrying and frustrating situation for you I think your main focus, for the moment, should be on your job.

First of all, you need to look at your contract and see if it has a variation clause about your working hours. This must be quite specific.

A useful link here so you know what you are looking for:

https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/Documents/Advice%20factsheets/Employment/e-changes-to-employment-contracts.pdf

CAB could help by looking at your contract and helping with any letters that you might need to write.

If your contract allows them to change your working hours then you are going to have to make a choice. Either to refuse and expect dismissal or resign and look for another job which would give you more flexibility with your hours. Whether this is possible in your area I do not know.

Resigning can cause problems with claiming JSA but they may not impose a sanction if you explain the lack of childcare and your son's 'problems'. (a letter from the doctor about your son being 'investigated' might help)

I know this would cause a potential problem with not paying your mortgage but your lender may be sympathetic and allow you a mortgage 'holiday' for a while until you find another job.

Of course, perhaps the easiest solution is to find another job asap and then resign.

Have you got any holiday leave due which you could take in the near future so you could devote a whole week to job hunting and catching up on sleep?

A little sneaky suggestion (and this does depend on your doctor) is to go sick and visit the doctor explaining that you 'can't cope' and ask for a fit note for a couple of weeks. This may have the knock on effect on having a one to one with your employer/manager and explaining everything to them. They do have a 'duty of care' and, you never know, there may be some sympathy and a willingness to 'work' with you and be more flexible.

Have you any suggestions that you can put to your employer/manager about flexibility and how it could work in their business?

I do feel for you.