:) Friday 1st April - What small DFW things will you do today?

PurpleFairy26

Evening all :hello: late post for me, so it'll be more like what I have done rather than what I plan to do. I also have a shiny new username well spotted La E how did you know before I'd posted?!

Sorry to hear you are feeling down Ziggy, you have been through so much this year, take care of yourself.
Legomum - hope tooth is better
Ally - rest up, easier said than done I know

Anyway, today I have:
Done the giant money shuffle as its payday :T spreadsheets updated accordingly always get twitchy as money leaves the account to various pots, but I know it works for us even if it looks a bit scary
Lunch to work, chicken casserole in slow cooker for tea
Checked surveys and FPL, £co
Check through fridge for anything on turn and plan what to get from market tomorrow
Check fleabay item, need to chase none payer
Made it to end of long week at work - an achievement in itself
Early night as am cream crackered

PP

Bobarella

So sorry Ziggy. Your mum sounds like she is very demanding of your time and energy. It must be hard for you trying to live up to expectations.
Sorry to hear things have gotten bad with your brother too. You have had such a lot to deal with lately. Huge hugs.

maria3104

Evening all
Hugs to ziggy and all the poorly ones of us.
Money lark going ok here but work is a little overwhelming. Too many things going on my desk all the time. Am up to date but not breathing.
Lambing trudging along last third and lots now will be first timers who after lambing will look down and say omg what is that and run like mad away from it. Such fun!
Have s frugal weekend all.
Maria x

YORKSHIRELASS

Oh Ally thats me. Cant sit still for 5 minutes. Get well soon.

Well I havent been around much this week but I have been with you all in spirit. Have done some loonngg days at the paid stuff.

Bought DS1 a lovely (fake) leather jacket and a shirt yesterday - £45 spent but sensibly I think. Bought myself a bag so that I can keep all the paperwork together for my new job (£5 in a sale). I liked the one that was £12 better but hey you cant say no to a fiver!

More work tomorrow, I am determined to knock some debts on the head with this extra money. House is reasonably tidy, need some food shopping but not sure when that will get done.

Oh and DSs van is making a "funny noise". Trying not to think about that!

juliejim

Done 10000 steps today so I've earned my Bounts points.
Not a NSD as took DD and her friends shopping.
Ally - you need to rest! Hope you're feeling better tomorrow.
CCL - I've pm'd you
Hugs Ziggy

Catch you all tomorrow

Jue

ziggy2407

Bobarella wrote: »

So sorry Ziggy. Your mum sounds like she is very demanding of your time and energy. It must be hard for you trying to live up to expectations.
Sorry to hear things have gotten bad with your brother too. You have had such a lot to deal with lately. Huge hugs.

Thank you, some days are good and then some days are awful, some days I can have up to 15 calls. Some days she's on the ball and other days :eek: She's also decided that she is definitely not going anywhere for a break or respite so that's playing on my mind too, I just feel as if my life's on hold and it's not fair to DH and DS, we'd love weekends away or just days out but there's no-one else to take the strain.

The situation with my brother is irreconcilable now - too many nasty things have been said and mum is in the middle and aware of all that's happened - he hasn't seen or spoken to mum in 2 weeks so I saw a post on fb and commented. no reply, then on the Sunday (he'd gone away for the weekend) I saw a different post about an eventful breakfast waiting for fire brigade so I commented about being a good opportunity to ring mum - which then led to numerous phone calls shouting, swearing and threatening me down phone and via private facebook messages. He and his partner then unfriended and blocked me and DS on FB. He's then left messages with mum to tell my DH he better change the way he speaks to mum or he's going to sort him out - DH and I have been together for 25 years and although mum doesn't always get his sense of humour this is way out of all proportion, infact when DH jokes with mum brother usually joins in laughing and joking and taking it further. Will make for an interesting tea at mums on Sunday should he turn up.

After our brothers funeral at beginning of March he told mum she needed to get her funeral, will and power of attorney sorted but he didn't want to do any of it because he'd done it before - not for our mum or dad but for his ex-wife's parents and grandparents. So now we have appointments to sort some of this next week as well as take her clothes shopping as he's asked her to go away for a weekend with him and his partner/girlfriend.

I have since been told I am loser, I have nothing and am waste of space and should just "do one".

I feel so hurt and disappointed.

So, so, sorry for the saga, please feel free to scroll past and ignore.

[Deleted User]

Ziggy, I didn't want to scroll or ignore. That all sounds both emotionally & physically exhausting, plus the background pressure that family strain brings of feeling like it just shouldn't be like this. I have a tricky relationship with my brother too - and he treats our parents appallingly. He is largely absent from our lives in between outbursts, but I found it exhausting trying to make sense of him for DD, and have now stopped engaging. It was the only way I could protect DD's childhood really, every Christmas and so on were ruined when I tried to involve everyone, and it took all the joy away, the nervousness about what he might do next. Its absolutely ok to feel hurt and disappointed and for there to be ramifications for his behavior. I'm sorry you are trapped by the situation with your mum though - some respite sounds very needed for your own little family. Lifes blooming complicated isnt it? Hang in there. I think you are coping incredibly well; I thought you were inspiring with everything you got done before reading this post. Lots of love from all of us on here.

Bobarella

Ziggy How awful. I wonder why it has blown up so much right now? Could it be him reacting badly to grief?

I do feel you need support with your Mum. Whether your siblings will or not is one thing but she is entitled to care from the usual sources I'd imagine. Have you tried speaking to a GP about what may be available? I am so sorry.

ziggy2407

Deleted_User wrote: »

Ziggy, I didn't want to scroll or ignore. That all sounds both emotionally & physically exhausting, plus the background pressure that family strain brings of feeling like it just shouldn't be like this. I have a tricky relationship with my brother too - and he treats our parents appallingly. He is largely absent from our lives in between outbursts, but I found it exhausting trying to make sense of him for DD, and have now stopped engaging. It was the only way I could protect DD's childhood really, every Christmas and so on were ruined when I tried to involve everyone, and it took all the joy away, the nervousness about what he might do next. Its absolutely ok to feel hurt and disappointed and for there to be ramifications for his behavior. I'm sorry you are trapped by the situation with your mum though - some respite sounds very needed for your own little family. Lifes blooming complicated isnt it? Hang in there. I think you are coping incredibly well; I thought you were inspiring with everything you got done before reading this post. Lots of love from all of us on here.

Bobarella wrote: »

Ziggy How awful. I wonder why it has blown up so much right now? Could it be him reacting badly to grief?

I do feel you need support with your Mum. Whether your siblings will or not is one thing but she is entitled to care from the usual sources I'd imagine. Have you tried speaking to a GP about what may be available? I am so sorry.

You girls are amazing, thank you for taking the time to read and reply when I know how busy all our lives are. Am sat here in floods of tears waiting for DH to come home. I don't personally think it's grief - he never bothered with elder brother or family - he accepted their cards and gifts but never sent them any, he stood on the hospital ward outside my brothers room and said when he got the call he was out for a meal with his girlfriend and parents (bearing in mind this was also the day mum had the operation on her arm) and when they said about getting straight off to see brother he said "no, finish your meals, 20 mins won't make any difference - this was said a full volume outside my brothers room as he lay dying. The day brother died he went away for the weekend.

Mum is 82 in November, has two false hips, two false knees (all of which need replacing), cancer and various other health issues, so the Drs see more of her physical needs rather than all the confusion and mental issues that are so draining. Rung her this morning and she's gone out to the local shops, the other week she was out wandering in the local park for hours in the freezing cold.

Our family dynamics
Brother (58) deceased, his wife and their daughter (39)
Me - DH and DS (age 12)
Brother (45), his girlfriend of 10 years (42), his daughter (22) and son (18)

Everyone has their own lives to lead and as I live closer, don't work and DS enjoys spending time with mum and her friends at sheltered accommodation then I have nothing to complain about. DS is coming to an age now where he wants to be with friends his own age and surely that is understandable. All "this" isn't a new thing it's been like it for the last 15 years since my dad died (even though I worked 60 hours a week).

Anyway. mum tells me he is going today - so I'm not needed.

[Deleted User]

Here - have a shoulder and a hug. Even got some clean hankies somewhere - posh ones, as I had this cold recently but let yourself cry for a bit, your not crying for no reason. This is blooming hard, lonely stuff. Its sounds like you are coping really well - but consciously coping for years is a really hard thing to sustain. I get to a point where I'm past being able to absorb anything else from other people - thats when I now know that I need to step away for a bit, in order to be able to keep going. Kind of 'over-full' with it all.

Your summary sounds now like every day must be even harder than I could have imagined. I don't know much about the support that might be out there, but as Bob suggests, worth searching for some more reliable back up than your brother. From watching a friend in a similar situation, diversifying sources of support before it was vital to do so seemed to be a protective thing for all involved.

Someone once told me that 'grief doesn't uncomplicate complicated relationships'. I know thats been very true in my life.

Sorry none of this is very practical help! Just didn't want you to feel alone.